Will you still love me when I'm no longer Young and Beautiful?
by YouAreBeautifulxxx
Summary: Tonks wants revenge on the werewolf who hurt Andromeda. She meets Remus, who helps her overcome her heartbreaking grief. They develop feelings for each other after many adventures together...Will Remus finally admit that he has fallen for this beautiful girl?Or will death meet her before he can admit his true feelings?
1. Chapter 1

**WHAT'S UP HOMIES!**

**Jk, I'm no gangster hahaha…well, the other day I came across my Harry Potter books…and I remembered a couple years ago when I was obsessed with Remus and Tonks, that I came up with a story! So here it is : ) I hope you like it!**

**READ FIRST OR YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND!:::::**

**Tonks and Lupin never had a relationship before this. They both lived through the war, along with Serious, Mad-Eye, but Fred died. Tonks also never finished her Auror training. Set a few months after the war ended. They've met once or twice but don't really know each other that well.**

**Here goes nothing!**

**Chapter 1- Caught**

**Tonks P.O.V**

I knew I shouldn't be doing this.

I knew I could get caught and sent to prison for this…but I had to figure this out.

As I checked my new image in the mirror, I thought back to the plan I had devised up. I would sneak into the Ministry in disguise and find the files on my parents. Once I got what I wanted (if I found what I wanted, that is) I would bolt out of there and they would never know.

Of course, my plans never usually worked, but I was more determined than ever this time.

This woman had terrible taste in clothes, but I picked her because I knew she was the least important person in the Ministry, so no one would probably ask anything of me. This is it Tonks, I told myself, walking out the front door. This is the day you will figure everything out. You can do this.

I missed my pink hair. This woman had dull and boring hair; not at all like my normal hair. My hair hadn't been pink since the war started; perhaps that was why I missed it so much. I guess I didn't have the energy to control my powers anymore…I had been too busy worry about other things. More important things…like my mother.

I was doing this for her.

The large doors opened and I was soon walking amongst a crowd of wizards and witches. Most of them were smiling, they had been since the war had ended and Voldemort destroyed, but a few of them were frowning and grouching about. I happened to pass by the little boy selling newspapers and something on the cover caught my eyes.

"How much for one sir?"

"They're free ma'am!"

I thanked him and took one, looking at the small article that contained something very important: my mother's name. They wouldn't have made an article about it already! I exclaimed as I scanned the article for any mention of my name.

_It seemed that there had been some kind of an animal attack on this poor woman. No one knew of anyone to have wanted revenge on her, as she was a very well-liked woman of her community. Police have been investigating ever since last night as to what creature would do such a thing. _

_Traces of animal hair and from the nature of the slash marks have risen suspicions of a possible werewolf attack. A bullet wound was also found in the head…_

I couldn't read anymore about my own mother's death, so I tossed the paper into the trash on my way to my office. I found myself overcome with emotion as I slipped past people in the hallway. Keep it together Tonks, I yelled at myself. You can't blow it just because you read a stupid article! I took a deep breath and opened the door to my cubicle, closing and locking the door behind me.

Where do I start?

The plan suddenly flew out of my head as I dove into the files, not caring if I was throwing the insignificant ones across the room. The plan didn't matter anymore; I had to find the files. "Nope…nope…nope." I mumbled as I struggled to find my parents names. My hands started shaking nervously and I was starting to sweat in a panic. What if I didn't find the files? What if someone came in and asked me what I was doing?!

It seemed like I was sitting there sorting through files for an eternity before I found them.

_Andromeda Tonks._

I smiled quickly and grabbed the file, shoving the others back in there carelessly. I had not noticed that I left one on the floor next to the desk. Now get out! my brain screamed at me. I threw on my coat and burst out of the office, not caring to close the door behind me. A few eyes darted towards me as I speeded through the hallways, pushing past people and accidently knocking things out of their hands. Normally I would have apologized, but I wasn't myself at the moment. Literally.

Almost there!

"There she is! That's the woman!"

Shit.

I glanced back to see the woman I was disguised as pointing a bony finger at me. I knew the potion wasn't strong enough! I yelled at myself as I ran faster and faster away from her. Potions never really was my strong suit; and I guess it did cost me in the long run. "Get her!" I could hear the echo of her screams as I ran into the mailroom, dodging the carts and avoiding eye contact with anyone.

I happened to slide past a mirror that was in the room and saw that, since I had broken my concentration, I no longer looked like the bat-woman I was originally disguised as. Great, just great.

This could still work!

I told myself to believe. I had gotten out of sticky situations before, so who says I couldn't do it now? Sure I had about twenty wizards running after me that probably knew way more spells than I did….but I could disguise myself as anyone! They would never know! I exclaimed in my head as I jumped over a bench. Now if I could only take a minute to transform myself into someone different…

Not going to happen.

The men were getting closer and closer to me. More people were starting to realize too, that I was being chased. I managed to burst out into an empty alleyway, but I could still see the men behind me. It was a rather creepy and dark alley with nothing to hide behind. The only thing there, wouldn't you know it, was a brick wall at the end of the direction I was running.

What's the stupid spell?!

I knew a spell a long time ago that would help me out of this situation, but my thoughts were just so jumbled up I couldn't remember! As I turned back around, I realized I was surrounded. I didn't want it to end like this…but I knew I had to fight.

I whipped out my wand and started yelling as many spells as I could.

"Expelliarmus!"

I somehow managed to get a few men down on the ground. The others were pushing me closer and closer to the wall, but I wasn't going down without a fight. For what I was about to do next, do not judge me for. I was in a desperate situation okay?!

"Sectumsempra!"

It nailed one man right in the chest and he immediately began to bleed terribly. I hated that spell, but like I said; I was desperate.

A few of the remaining men ran towards the man, trying to stop the bleeding. I felt some blood trickle down my own head, but I ignored it. Three men were shooting spells I hadn't even heard of at me. I managed to repel most of them, but it was my own clumsiness that caused my downfall. A stupid, stupid trash can was behind me, and wouldn't you know it: I tripped over it and fell.

My wand went flying into one of the man's hands and I swear I felt my heart break.

It was over.

Now I would never find out-

"Nice try lass."

I looked up into the surprised eye of Mad-Eye Moody. It would be him that capture me, I thought grumpily, looking away from his expression. I hated it when people stared at me…it made me feel like some kind of freak. I heard him clear his throat and he reached down to yank me on my feet. "Right off to the interrogation room with you." He sounded grumpier than he had before, I noticed.

_I'm sorry mom…I failed you._

Remus P.O.V

"Remus, I need your help."

"With what Mad-Eye?"

Moody walked into my office with the usual look of angriness on his wrinkled face. I set my quill down and asserted my attention to him. "We caught a certain someone in the Ministry office today…she was looking through the files and now some imbosals are in a panic because one of the files on the ground was Lucious Malfoy's." He grumbled, shaking his head.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Well ya see, it's Serious's cousin, Nymphadora. The one that fought with us during the war?"

I frowned, "Why would she be looking through the files?" I asked him curiously. He grinned at me and opened the door.

"Why don't we go find out?"

About 15 minutes later I found myself in the interrogation room.

"Are you sure this is a good idea Mad-Eye? I mean, what if-"

"Don't worry, she's harmless."

I bit my tongue in worry as he opened the door and motioned me inside. There sat Nymphadora in the chair in the middle of the dark and shadowy room. Except…it didn't look like her at all. The last time I had saw her she had pink hair and was full of energy. Don't get me wrong, her features were nice, but there was just something different about her. Tonks's her hair was a brown mess and she looked like she had not slept in weeks.

I bet that's what I looked like all the time.

I stood in the corner, not wanting to reveal myself quite yet. Moody sat down in the chair and stared at her until she looked up.

"So tell me Nymphadora…did you know you could go to jail for this? Or are you just too stupid to understand that?"

From stories I have heard about this girl, I knew she did not like to be called by her real name. Or to be called stupid. However; she did not even respond. Tonks simply just stared at Mad-Eye, like she had no clue what he was actually saying. "I heard about your mother," Mad-Eye started again, not giving up that easily. "It's a pity, I heard she was a great woman. Why do you think someone murdered her? Huh? Was it Malfoy? Is that why you was looking at his file?" He asked loudly, glaring at her.

"What were you planning to do anyways? You may have gotten the best of our men, but Lucious is a different story. At least we would spare you mercy…huh, if you were to even set foot in his house, you would be slaughtered before you could look that little weasel in the eyes."

"I wasn't looking at his file."

It was when she spoke that I knew something that changed within her. It was a very scratchy and weak sounding voice…not at all like how people made her sound. When she spoke, I could hear pain in her voice. Very terrible pain that must have changed something in her mind. I watched as Mad-Eye leaned closer to her pale face.

"Oh really? And I suppose you think I'll believe you right off the bat huh?"

Tonks didn't answer.

"Alright then. If you weren't looking at his file…then whose were you looking for?"

"My parents."

"Well why would you do that? You've lived with them your whole life! Surely you know everything about them!"

A hint of redness was starting to show in Tonks' hair, which I presumed that meant she was getting slightly agitated with Mad-Eye. I couldn't blame her…I was about the only one who he couldn't make angry. I observed her as she sat up a little straighter in her chair, glaring at Moody.

"I think I get it now…you were looking for an enemy of them, weren't you? I bet you suspected they were getting revenge on your mother, right? Was it a werewolf? Because you know…we have our own little werewolf right here in this very room."

I was silently hoping he had a different werewolf hidden in a corner that I didn't know about.

He motioned for me to come forward.

I hesitantly walked into the light and stood beside Moody.

Tonks peered up at me, looking at me from head to toe.

"It wasn't him if that's what you're asking."

Moody stared at me, hinting at me to say something. I cleared my throat and tried to think of some way I could get the truth out of her without harming her. "Tonks, why did you steal Malfoy's file?" I asked, changing the subject. She glared at me now, shaking her head angrily.

"I didn't steal his, I already told you that!"

"Then why was it on the floor in the office?"

"I accidently dropped it when I was looking for the other files!"

I could tell I was getting something out of her, so I kept going.

"If you stop lying Tonks, we might be able to let you go only a few years in jail instead of for the rest of your life."

Tonks threw the chair against the wall, her hair turning blood red. To be honest, I was a little frightened of this side of her. I liked it better when she had pink hair.

"I DIDN'T TAKE HIS STUPID FILE! I WAS TRYING TO FIND THE FRICKEN WEREWOLF WHO KILLED MY MOTHER!"

Mad-Eye stood up beside me now, his eyes filled with determination. I was about to tell him to back down before she completely lost it, but he brushed me off before I could even start.

"She didn't die from the bite! You were there weren't you?! You were there because you hired a werewolf to kill her and since he didn't finish the job, you decided you would!"

I swear I heard Tonks' heart shatter.

Her hands went to her head as she started to pace around the room. Clumps of hair fell out every time she let go, but then she would grip even harder the next time. It reminded me of myself every full moon. She was mumbling words I couldn't understand under her breath as Moody approached her. I reached out my hand to stop him; I didn't want him to push her. 

"Let me handle this Moody."

He stopped and stared at me for a second before nodding and backing off.

Here goes nothing.

I stepped forward and put my hands on Tonks' shoulders, stopping her from pacing. The cut on her face was dripping blood, as were her cuts from her nails digging into her flesh. "Tonks," I started very calmly, looking into her blood-shot eyes. "Tell me what happened Tonks." I asked her gently. I wanted to know what happened to her mom just as much as Moody did.

Tonks looked at me for a second, as if she couldn't believe someone was being kind to her.

She sunk to the ground, burying her face in her hands. Tears flowed out her eyes as she struggled to breathe and talk at the same time. There was a pain in her cries that I knew all too well. I didn't know whether to comfort her or to stay back.

"I came home for a day…she went outside to get some water from the well. Next thing I know she's screaming in pain. I run outside to see a werewolf standing over top of her…as soon as he saw me he sprinted away. I tried to follow him but…but she was screaming."

Tonks looked up at me with tear filled eyes. She was practically chocking her own tears.

"God she was screaming…they were so loud…she was in so much pain…"

Tonks cradled herself in her own arms and looked down at the ground in shame.

"I told her I would get help…I-I tried to stop the bleeding but it wasn't working. Something went wrong though…the transformation didn't work like it should have. It was killing her instead of turning her. I was so afraid…and she finally told me to stop trying to save her, because it was no use. She-she told me to go get the gun from the house…"

Tonks' voice broke and she sobbed for a few more minutes, reliving the horrifying experiences of that night. I bent down beside her now, feeling awful for the girl. "It's alright Tonks…you can tell us what you did." I said quietly, making her look up at me. The sad look in her eyes killed me.

"I went and got the gun…and she told me everything was going to be okay. That we would see each other again soon. I p-put the gun to her h-head…and I….I-I just p-pulled …"

She couldn't finish the last word and broke down in her own ocean of tears.

**Well?! How was that? Do you like it so far? : ) I hope so!**

**Review please!**

**Love all you Potter fans. **

**Long live HP!**

**(and Remus and Tonks of course!)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Again! **

**Thanks for the great reviews! It's been a shitty week so it means a lot to me! haha I literally cried myself to sleep on Monday because I realized that I will never ever be able to meet the characters in Harry Potter. It was a bad night.**

**Anyway, here's the next chapter!: )**

**Chapter 2- The Funeral**

**Tonks P.O.V**

It was a miserable five hours before I got out of that room.

Mad-Eye Moody transferred me to the new jails they had just made; apparently I was the first one to use it, since everyone that was on Voldemort's side was sent to Azkaban after the war. I didn't even realize the cell had a nice comfy bed in the corner because I was too busy having a mental breakdown. I couldn't believe I had told them everything…usually I was stronger than that. At least…I was when my mother told me to be strong.

I was a failure.

I failed in saving her, and I failed in capturing her killer. If I had made that stupid potion right, the woman I was disguised as wouldn't have ruined the whole plan! None of that mattered now though…I was in jail, and it didn't look like I was getting out anytime soon.

"Pull it together Tonks…"

I couldn't do it.

Collapsing in the corner opposite the bed, I broke down crying with my hands wrapped around my knees. The tears burned my skin worse than fire would; the heat rolling down off my cheeks and onto the hard floor. If anyone of my friends would have seen me now…they would know who I really was. I was a big baby. They would probably think "But you're Tonks! Usually you're the one making people cry! Not the other way around!" That is…if all my friends weren't dead.

The thought of my dead friends caused me to cry even more.

I heard a quiet voice in the back of my head, whispering for me to stop crying. It sounded awfully a lot like my mother; a kind, soft voice that could make anyone calm down. Picking my head up slowly, I scanned the room through my blurry vision. It wasn't a terrible prison; it had a bed and a shelf that had a few books in it. In fact, it was a very nice prison to be in.

Not saying that you should do something to get into this prison but…you get the point.

My thoughts wandered back to the long interrogation I had.

First of all, I couldn't believe that Remus was a werewolf! Sure I had met him once, but I never actually talked to him ever. All I knew was that he was great friends with Serious; and whoever was friends with him was a friend to me also. Was I angry that he managed to gut the truth out of me? Yeah, I was. But that doesn't mean he's a bad person…he was just doing what Mad-Eye told him to I assumed. The fact that he was a werewolf normally would not have bothered me; I wasn't a prejudice person. Since the current situation I was in involved a werewolf attacking my mother…I was a little-upset- I guess you could say.

"Tonks?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard a gentle voice call my name.

I tried to wipe my tears away quickly so he wouldn't see them, but it was no use. My powers weren't powerful enough at the moment for me to hide them, so I sucked it up and peered up to see who the voice belonged to. It was Remus. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when I realized it wasn't Mad-Eye…the guy was an awesome fighter, but he wasn't someone you would want to see you cry.

"How…how are you feeling?"

"Been better."

He chuckled a little at his stupid question, "That probably wasn't a very wise question to ask, was it?" Normally, I would have smiled and agreed with him. But I was not normal at the moment, so I simply just looked away from his stare. Remus opened the gate with his wand and walked inside, sitting down on the bedside. Why was he here? I thought silently, watching his every move. What did he want from me? I had already told them everything that happened.

"Why are you here?"

He looked a little startled by my question, so I rephrased it.

"I mean…you already interrogated me for five hours; aren't you sick of me?"

His laugh had something different in it; it sounded happy, but it sounded like he was in pain. Don't get me wrong, he had a very nice laugh, but it was just curious. I mentally slapped myself when I thought this. How could you be thinking that when your own mother was just killed not less than forty-eight hours ago?!

"Well I suppose I was just wondering if you would like to attend your mother's funeral."

I froze and looked over at his scarred face.

"I…you're allowing me to go?"

Remus smiled and nodded, "With supervision of course…you really think we would be that cruel as to not let you attend your own mother's funeral?" he asked me. I was in shock, so I just shrugged and looked back at the gray speckled ground. I didn't know how to respond or what to say, so we just sat there for a few awkward seconds.

"I myself wasn't allowed to go to my own mother's funeral…so it should only be fair that a young person like you should be allowed to."

"I'm sorry…that must have been difficult."

To my surprise, Remus smiled.

"It was for me…but I think that would have been the way she wanted it. You see, I was on a secret mission from the Order, so I couldn't risk blowing up the entire operation. I went to see her afterwards of course…but it still wasn't the same."

I think he realized he was blabbering on, so Remus shook his head at himself and looked back at me. I didn't know whether to try to comfort him or to just sit there and stare at him. The second one seemed rude, so I opened my mouth to talk to him, only to have him hold his hand up to stop me. "You don't have to say anything Tonks; I shouldn't have told you that anyway." He said to me, leaning back against the wall.

"I'm glad you did."

Why would you say that Tonks?!

"I mean…it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who's had a lot of…pain in their life."

There was a lot of people who had a worse than me, I understood that, but there are just some things in life that you can't help but feel like you're in the worst situation in the world. Thank God Remus smiled and didn't embarrass me. For a while, we didn't say anything. I played with my fingernails while he scanned the room curiously.

"So um…when's the funeral?"

It hurt me to ask that question, but I was curious.

Remus looked at his watch, "In about 15 minutes."

I stood up and took a deep breath, not ready to face this yet.

"Let's go."

Remus P.O.V

It hurt me to see a young person hurt so much.

I know I've had worse pain than what she was feeling…but I knew what she was feeling right now. To kill someone or put someone out of their misery…it killed a part of you. It hurts a little more each day, knowing that you've ended someone's life. Knowing that they will never get to live their dreams or go to a new land.

I wished Tonks never had to know what that felt like.

Mad-Eye and I Apparated Tonks to her family's house, which everyone was already gathered around. Mad-Eye warned her beforehand that if she tried _anything_ we would stun her and drag her back to the jail cell. I had a strong feeling she wouldn't run away from her own mother's funeral though. I trusted her.

Mad-Eye decided to stay back and observe, while I was to take Tonks to her room so she could change. At first Moody rejected the idea, but I finally convinced him that it was improper to go to a funeral with street clothes on.

"Lead the way Tonks."

I followed her into the house and walked up the stairs that lead to her room. She awkwardly turned to me as she opened the door. "You're gunna stay out here…right?" Tonks asked. I laughed and nodded, "Of course." I answered calmly. She nodded and shut the door quietly. I hoped she didn't think I was some sort of pervert now.

Knowing women, I started to look around, knowing she would be in there for a while.

There was a couple pictures sitting on a shelf right outside her door. I picked one up gently and brushed the dusk off of it. It was Tonks when she was very young; she had purple hair and chubby little cheeks, her arms wrapped around her mother's shoulders. I couldn't help but smile at the mischievous smile on her face. Her mother looked almost exactly like her; minus the hair, that is.

They looked extremely happy in all of the pictures.

It made me feel even worse for Tonks now. Seeing the smile on her face when she was young…and now her face was tear stained and her eyes blood-shot red. I sighed and set the picture back down, as Tonks was now exiting the room. The first thing I noticed was her hair, which was now neon pink instead of the dark brownish color it was before.

"It was my mom's favorite color on me."

I smiled as Tonks walked over to where I was standing, peering down at the pictures.

"She seemed like a very amazing woman."

For the first time, Tonks smiled.

"She was; she was always helping people out, even when they didn't deserve it. It always confused me how kind she could be to people that treated her like total crap. I could never do it, I can tell you that right now."

I laughed and glanced at the window, noticing the people starting to walk towards the hill right across from the house.

"Are you sure you can do this?"

Tonks looked at me seriously, "No. But I'm going to do it anyway."

Again, I followed Tonks out to the hill where all of her family and friends were standing around the grave of Andromeda. As soon as they spotted Tonks, their eyes got wide and they embraced her in a tight hug.

"Tonks…my dear Tonks…so glad you were able to make it."

An older looking woman was crying as she talked to Tonks. "No matter what you think dear…this was in no such way your fault. We stand beside you just as we did your mother." I noticed that Tonks was not crying yet…but I had a feeling she would break down soon. Anyone would at their mother's funeral; unless you were a very terrible and soulless person.

"Thanks Kolli."

I decided to stay back as Tonks walked up to the front of the crowd at the foot of her mother's grave.

"We have gathered here today to remember Andromeda Tonks. Andromeda was a truly…amazing and graceful person. I cannot even begin to describe how many times she helped me out of a sticky situation. She never turned anyone down; no matter what color, what kind of creature you were. A true angel is what she can be described as…but it will still never be enough."

Many people were bawling now, and I couldn't blame them.

"Goodbye Andromeda…we will see you again someday soon."

One by one, every single person laid a single pink rose on her grave. The last to place one was Tonks; who was still not crying, to my surprise. She got down on her knees and slowly placed the rose onto her mother's grave, which laid right next to her father's. That killed me a little more inside…knowing that she now had no one. (Except Serious that is) I didn't know what it was that made me feel so terrible about this; maybe it was the fact that Tonks was so young and inexperienced in life. She still had a lot to learn…but now she had no one to teach her.

Perhaps I could change that.

I must have zoned out for a long time, because when I looked back up, everyone was making their way back to the house.

Everyone except Tonks.

Tonks was sitting at the end of the grave, staring blankly at the stone which had her mother's name engraved in it. I hesitantly approached her and stood beside her, wondering if I should say anything.

"You know…I was really stupid to think that everything was going to be okay after the war ended. I thought…I thought that all the terrible people would just go away. But I guess I was wrong, as usual."

I put a hand on Tonks' shoulder, making her look up at me.

"Tonks…I know that I can't really give you any advice that would make you feel better…but I can tell you that you weren't the only one to think that everything would be okay. I did too…but this just proves that we still have a long ways to go."

I held out my hand to Tonks to help her up.

Her soft, small hand slid into mine as she stood up. Fresh tears were spilling from her majestic eyes now, smearing her makeup across her cheek. She wiped it away quickly and I gave her a small smile, trying to tell her everything would be okay.

"Let's go Tonks…you've had a long day."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3-The Deal

Remus P.O.V

"Don't you think we've kept her here long enough Moody?"

I was trying to convince Mad-Eye that it was doing us no good to keep Tonks here. I mean, she's obviously suffered enough; I didn't see why we were keeping her here any longer. Mad-Eye grunted as he scribbled something down on a piece of paper. "Right. And as soon as we let her go she goes off and gets herself killed by the same werewolf that killed her mother." He replied, peering up at me.

He had a point, but I was determined to get her out of here.

I got an idea suddenly.

"Well than we offer her a deal?"

"What kind of deal?"

Mad-Eye raised an eyebrow at me as I sat down at the chair in front of him. "She was training to be an Auror right? Maybe she could help us out on some of our missions to lower her sentence." I suggested, hoping this would be one time he wouldn't be his stubborn self. Moody sat there for a moment, letting my words sink in.

"Not a bad idea Remus. Take her on that mission of trying to find out who's stalking Harry. He's been getting pretty creeped out, even though it might just be some of his crazy fan girls."

I smiled and nodded as I stood up, "Thank you Moody. We'll be back shortly."

I exited the room and nearly slammed right into Serious. "Ah Remus! How are you?" my best friend asked me happily. Everyone had noticed a change in him since the war ended; he was back to his normal, crazy self. It reminded me of when we were kids back at Hogwarts, how he was always screwing around and telling jokes. I smiled over at him as we walked down the hallway together.

"I'm well…you seem exceptionally happier than usual."

As soon as I said that, Serious stopped grinning and got a sullen look on his ageing face. "I'm not actually," he started as we walked down the stairs to the jail. I stopped him before we entered, wondering what was bothering him. "Tonks?" I questioned quietly, knowing she could probably hear us. Serious nodded and looked in the window of the door.

"I heard just this morning…how is she?"

"Why don't you see for yourself?"

I opened the door and lead him down to Tonks' cell. She looked a slight bit healthier than the last time I visited her; her hair wasn't pink, but it wasn't dirty or a depressing color. There was a little spark of light in her eyes as she opened her eyes. I watched as Tonks stood up from her bed and gave her cousin a littler smile.

"Wotcher Serious."

"Hello Tonksie!"

Padfoot opened the door and embraced Tonks in a tight hug. It occurred to me that they probably haven't spoke a lot since the war started. It gave me a good feeling to see Tonks smile; she really did have a wonderful smile. It was the kind of smile that made you feel all happy and excited inside. Mentally kicking myself, I turned my attention away from Tonks and to Serious, who was now talking to her.

"How are you?"

"Well…my mom died, I'm unemployed, I look like shit, and I'm in jail."

Serious chuckled a bit and sat down on the bed, watching his cousin carefully. I cleared my throat, preparing to tell them the news I had gotten.

"Tonks, I have a preposition for you."

Tonks turned to me curiously, her dark brown eyes staring up at me.

"I convinced Mad-Eye to allow you to accompany us on a few of our missions to decrease your time spent here. The courts said you would be in here for one month, but if you took the deal and went undercover with us, they will only have you here for a few weeks."

I observed as Tonks looked at the ground, thinking about the decision she had to make. I silently hoped she would accept the deal; not just because I think she would learn from this mistake, but because I hoped she wouldn't be so depressed and sad all the time. I spent a lot of my time a few years ago feeling sorry for myself and crying the days away…I didn't want to see the same thing happen to her.

"Deal."

I smiled as her and Serious stood up.

"Alright, let's head out!"

Tonks P.O.V

Who knew a werewolf could be so nice?

If I was a werewolf, I knew I would definitely not be that nice. In fact, I would probably just be the most bitter person in the world. But not Remus…no, he was very thoughtful and calm all the time. I didn't understand it quite yet.

I followed Serious and Remus upstairs and up to Remus's office, eager to get out of that stone cold jail cell. It had been a few days since my mother's funeral, but that didn't mean I was over it. I still cried every time I thought of her. I shook her from my dark mind and focused on all the pictures of The Marauders on the wall's in Remus's office. There was a particular one I really liked; it had James in the background of what was supposed to be a normal picture of Remus smiling while the snow fell down from the dark sky. James had his tongue sticking out and his eyes crossed, and you could even see a hint of Serious's laughing face on the right corner.

I couldn't help but notice how cute Remus's smile was and how mysterious his eyes looked.

Serious caught me smiling at the picture and grinned at me.

"Wasn't I a catch?"

"You wish."

Remus laughed and sat down in his chair, picking up the picture and staring at it longingly, like he wished he could go back to that very moment. "It was Lily who took this, wasn't it?" Remus asked Serious, refreshing his memory. Serious nodded, "It was supposed to be a picture for some scrapbook of hers or something…but James was determined to ruin it." He laughed. I couldn't help but notice a distant, sad look in his very black looking eyes.

Feeling repressed enough already, I changed the subject.

"So what's this mission we're going on?"

Remus took out a few papers and handed them to Serious and I.

"It would appear that Harry has some followers; and not the good kind. They've been following him around, leaving him notes and such."

"That's what he gets for being famous."

Serious and Remus smiled at my comment and I handed him back the papers. I didn't really care what the mission was…I was just glad to be out doing something. At least it would take my mind off of things. "Where do we start?" I asked eagerly. Serious shook his head at me, "You mean when do Remus and I start? Remember, you're just the tag along. You only help when needed." he replied to my question.

I stuck my tongue out at him, getting a laugh out of Remus.

"Don't worry Tonks; if they really are just his fan girls, we can send you in as bait."

Honestly, I hated girls! I didn't care if I was one or not! How could I pretend that I was a stuck up little brat who only cared about her looks and Harry Potter? I didn't have much time to think of any ideas however, because we left a few seconds later. Serious stood on the outside of Remus, insisting that I stay in the middle, because that way it would be easier for me to escape.

I rolled my eyes at him, but went and stood in the middle of them.

"Ready?"

Remus held out his arm for me to grab onto.

"Absolutely."

He gave me a quick smile before we Apparated.

The next thing I remember feeling was wet grass.

Apparently we had landed behind some dark alley, which creeped me out a bit. I didn't like dark places unless I was feeling dangerous. Seeing Remus and Serious standing a few feet from me, I brushed off my jeans and walked over to them. "Little trouble landing?" My cousin teased me. I shoved his shoulder but couldn't help but grin at him. I didn't realize how much I missed him.

"Quiet…I hear someone."

Sure enough, as soon as I shut up I could hear distant footsteps. What exactly was the plan here anyways? I asked myself, peering around for anything we could possibly use as a shield. Speaking of shields…I still did not have my wand. Moody had taken it from me after they caught me at the Ministry. I tapped Remus on the shoulder lightly.

"Do you happen to have my wand?"

He slid my curved wand out of his pocket and slipped it into my hand. His fingers accidently brushed against mine as I grabbed my wand, causing me to blush a little. As much as I tried to ignore it, I felt a spark in my veins when his skin touched mine.

"Alright. Serious and I are going to go into that bar right over there-"

"Is this really the time for a drink?"

Remus smiled and Serious rolled his eyes at my question.

"No drinking involved. As I was saying; After Serious and I go in, you come in and find the group sitting by the east end of the bar, okay? By the looks of it it's a group of four boys and one girl. Casually approach them and start small talk about the war and such. Find out as much as you can about how they are involved with Harry. Can you do that?"

I hadn't socialized since the war started, of course I couldn't do it!

"Yes."

"See you on the other side."

Right as Serious and Remus started to walk away, I reached out and grabbed Remus's arm, worrying taking over my mind.

"What if something goes wrong?"

He gave me an encouraging smile, "We'll be right beside you Tonks, don't worry."

Surprisingly, that made me feel a little more confident.

I nodded and gulped as they walked into the dead-beat bar. What if I said something wrong? What if they figured out I was undercover for the Ministry? Bad scenarios flooded my head, but I managed to take a deep breath and walk through the rusty doors.

It reeked of alcohol and smoke, with a little hint of someone wearing too much cologne. Many of the people looked like recovering drug addicts, which shook me a bit. No one really noticed me come in, which I took as a good sign. I spotted the group of "fan girls" sitting in the east corner of the room, just like Remus said. He must have spotted them through the door, I thought as I grabbed a drink from the nearest waiter's dish.

You can do this Tonks.

I casually walked over to the table, seeing both Serious and Remus not far away. Ironically, the seat next to the girl was the only free one in the whole bar. "Mind if I sit here?" I mumbled, making it sound like I was a grumpy middle aged woman. The girl shook her head as I plopped down on the hard, wooden seat. The boys all peered at me curiously, a few of them even looking at me from head to toe, making me feel slightly insecure.

"You gunna drink that?"

The scruffy looking man shook his head and I grabbed his drink, downing it in one toss back. The fire whiskey burned my throat terribly, but I bit my tongue to keep from coughing. I didn't usually drink a lot before the war; sure I had a drink or two here, but I was no alcoholic. One of the younger looking boys smirked at me, "I've never seen you here before…what's your name?" he asked me.

Crap, I thought; should I lie? Should I tell him my real name?

"Nymphadora."

The girl beside me laughed, and I shot her my nastiest glare.

"Laugh again; I dare you."

That shut her up pretty quickly, which caused all the other guys to laugh. "I wouldn't mess with this one Bilo." The larger looking man said, grinning at me. Bilo? I thought to myself. And she thinks _my _name is funny?! Bilo sounds like a toy name you would get from George's shop. Honestly…Nymphadora wasn't _that _bad, was it?!

"Must have gotten tough from the war. War changes people you know."

I hardly noticed the shy middle-aged man sitting across from me. "Got that right," I responded, crossing my arms over my chest. "I think it made that friggin Harry kid even cockier than he was before." I added. This was a lie of course; I adored Harry! His friends too, they were hilarious. The man that had been checking me out earlier grunted, "Got that right. Little punk that's what he is!" he exclaimed, slamming his drink on the table.

"Got some built up anger there?"

The younger one nodded his head, "No one should be famous for having their parents sacrifice themselves. It's absurd! Why don't you actually do something that makes you famous instead of just using your name to control everyone!" he said angrily. Normally I would have frowned at his statement; Harry defeated the crazy lunatic Voldemort, and you're criticizing him?!

"I know right! It's total bullshit."

That statement seemed to win them over.

The older one grinned at me and grabbed his coat.

"We were just gunna head to a club right outside of town…you wanna join us?"

Oh totally. It was my dream to go to a sweaty, nasty club with a big hairy guy like you.

"You know it."

I may have just made a big mistake, but I didn't have time to think about it. The group got up and walked out of the club with me right on their tails. Remus and Serious were nowhere to be found. Panic was starting to set in, but I knew I had to keep asking questions.

"I thought I was the only one in the Hate Harry Club."

"Definitely not. We all got together because we hate that kid!"

I faked a smirk at the girl and turned my attention back to the young man. "Have you ever played any pranks on him?" I asked him curiously. I think I may have crossed the line on that one, because he had a very suspicious look on his unshaven face. "I mean, I know I have but I was just wondering if you guys were just all talk." I added, kicking a rock that was on the ground.

The boy laughed, "We do more than talk! We follow him around all the time, just to make him think that someone's still out there to get him! It's hilarious." he said proudly, as everyone else laughed. _Come on you guys, _I thought, glancing around. _Where are you?!_

"I think the correct term is called harassment."

I nearly smiled at Remus' voice, but managed to keep my relief contained. The expressions on their faces when Remus and Serious stepped out with their wands was priceless. I would have laughed if this would have been a normal situation. I spotted Bilo sneaking her wand out of her pocket, so I quickly disarmed her before she could blink.

I think even Serious was surprised at how quick I was to draw. Bilo stared at me with wide eyes, then glared at me when she realized I was on their team. "You set us up you little-" Remus cut her off before she could finish her insult.

"Alright now…we can take you the hard way…or you can come without resistance."

The large man glared at Remus, "You must not have did your research werewolf," he said. "The Killas never resist." The Killas? I thought, nearly bursting out laughing. That sounded like a lame muggle name! Honestly, people need to come up with better gang names. Serious glared at the fat man and then looked at Remus, who didn't even looked insulted to be called by his creature name.

"I take it they want it the hard way."

"That's the way I like it."


	4. Chapter 4

**Basketball is kicking my ass. hahaha stupid autocorrect keeps changing Sirius to Serious! Sorry about that!**

Chapter 4-Let Her Go

Remus P.O.V

"She did incredible Mad-Eye!"

Sirius started talking as soon as we walked into his office. "You should have seen her! She'll be an excellent Auror someday." He grinned, sitting down in the chair across from Moody. Mad-Eye folded his hands together, looking at Sirius intently. "_If _she becomes an Auror someday." he replied, an angrier look on his face than usual.

"What do you mean Mad-Eye?"

"Some people in the Ministry are saying that no one with a criminal record against the Ministry should become Aurors. Tonks being a prime example of that."

"That's ridiculous!" I replied, shaking my head at some of the stupid people we still had around the Ministry. We thought when Kingsley became the Minister of Magic that everyone would flood out and we could reform the wizarding world as our own. But we were wrong; most of the people stayed, wanting in on this new world. "That's basically just being prejudice against people with a criminal record; think about Harry! Do you know how many times he has broken in to the Ministry _and _Gringotts?" I exclaimed, visibly upset by this news.

"Picture it: Harry Potter, they boy who defeated Voldemort once and for all, not able to me an Auror because of his record against the Ministry."

Sirius seemed to understand now why I was so upset.

"We have to talk to Kingsley right away."

Moody shook his head, "He's at a meeting…besides, you need to tell me about Tonks' little adventure." He replied, leaning back in his seat. I desperately wanted to talk to Kingsley, but I knew that suspicions would raise if I interrupted his meeting. As I thought back to Tonks, I couldn't help but smile a little.

"She really did do incredibly Moody; never panicked, never blew her cover once...I could see her being a member of the Order someday."

We all knew that was saying something; the people in the order were all very skilled and most of them were incredibly smart. Except for Sirius of course, but that was beside the point. Once Tonks finished her Auror training, she could ask Kingsley if she was allowed to be part of the Order! If she wanted to that is. I silently hoped she would want to…because she's a good fighter! Not because I think she has a beautiful smile.

"Huh. Didn't know she had it in her. She was rather clumsy from what I remember when she was training before the war."

Sirius and I glanced at each other, both of us wanting to ask the question we were both thinking about. "So…how much will this decrease her sentence by?" I asked Mad-Eye, watching his expression carefully. Mad-Eye looked at me, then thought for a long second. "Well, since she managed to help get all of them in jail…I will decrease her sentence by two weeks." he responded, motioning us out of his office.

I smiled a bit at him when he said this.

"You like her and you know it."

Mad-Eye simply grumbled and Sirius and I walked out of the room. As soon as he closed the door, my best friend grinned at me and patted me on the back. "This is great Remus; she'll be out of here in a few weeks and then she can go live her life. I would hate to see her live a miserable life in prison, since it kind of runs in the family." he joked, referring to almost everyone in his entire family; including him. I smirked at Padfoot, agreeing with his statement.

It would be a shame to see Tonks grow up in trouble all the time. She had a hard enough life already; I don't think anyone wanted to see her become one of those kind of people.

"Agreed. Hopefully she will move on from this and not go chasing bad guys and getting into deeper trouble."

As we made our way down to tell Tonks about the good news, I couldn't help but think that Tonks would want revenge against the werewolf who 'killed' her mother. Part of me thought that she wouldn't, but a part of me knew that she would go after the man. This worried me because if she was caught after she found the werewolf and murdered him/her, she would be returned to prison and would be there a lot longer than a few weeks.

I didn't express these feelings to Sirius, mostly because I knew he would only worry more about his cousin and probably insist that she lives with him.

"Great news cousin! Mad-Eye has decreased your sentence by two weeks! Isn't that great?"

The first thing I noticed about Tonks was her eyes; they were tired and bloodshot, almost like she had been crying again. There were dark circles under her eyes as well; but I don't think Sirius was aware of any of these signs. Tonks merely smiled, "That's great!" she said, although not very excitedly. I walked over and sat down beside her on her bed, noticing her discomfort.

"Something wrong Tonks? No offense…but you aren't looking too well."

She stared off into space, not answering my question. Sirius seemed to notice the signs now too; he sat on the opposite side of his cousin. He put a hand to her head, frowning at her. "You're extremely warm…are you getting sick?" Sirius asked her. Tonks simply shrugged, "Wouldn't doubt it…I haven't got much sleep lately. I can't knowing that _he _is still out there somewhere." she replied, looking over at Sirius then at me.

I knew exactly who she was talking about.

"The man who attacked your mother."

She nodded and sniffled a little bit. "I…I have to find him." Tonks said shakily, her breath uneven. "He has to pay for what he did to her." I glanced over at Sirius, wondering if he was thinking what I was thinking. Tonks was going to ask us to find the man who attacked her mother. I just knew it.

"Could you guys do that for me? Could you find him for me?"

I locked eyes with Padfoot, wondering what we should do.

If we went out and found the man, maybe that would give Tonks some closure. Maybe that would help her forget and live her life like young people are supposed to. There was also the possibility however, that Tonks would want to kill the man for revenge. If that happened, she would surely be in prison for a long, long time.

We had to try.

"Tonks…before we do this, you have to understand something. If we don't find this man and put him in prison, you cannot just go running around trying to find him and kill him. You will be put in prison and there will be nothing we can do for you. Now, I know neither of us want to see that happen to a young person like you…so can you promise us that you will not go after him if we do not catch him?"

Tonks looked at me very seriously, "Only if you promise to catch him."

Sirius looked at me, slightly chuckling and slightly serious. There was no way out of this one.

"We promise to catch him and set this right."

I gave Tonks a comforting smile; I wanted her to know that everything would turn out okay. Things always did, even when there was not a trace of hope to be found. Tonks shyly smiled back at me, looking down at the ground when we both stood up. She needed to rest; so did we actually. It was going to take a lot of hard work to find this guy and capture him without getting hurt or discovered. Sirius patted his cousin on the back lightly then headed towards the door.

Right as we were about to turn around and leave, Tonks spoke up.

"Can I come with you?"

Sirius and I both stopped and turned around to face her.

"I could be useful…I know what he looked like when he was a werewolf and everything. I won't get your way, I promise!" Tonks said to us, sitting up a little straighter. I could tell she desperately wanted in; the determined look in her eyes showed it. Sirius shook his head at her, "There is no way we could bring you with Tonksie…we don't know you well enough to know that you wouldn't just lose it go off in kill the guy when we weren't looking." He said to her, although there was a hint of sadness in his voice.

I glanced at her expression at his words; there was something that was telling me we should bring her with. She could be as use to us…no, stop it Remus, I told myself. We both know she wants revenge and won't stop until she gets it. We cannot bring her with.

"Think about it Sirius."

Both Sirius and Tonks asserted their attention to me.

"She wants to come and be in danger; let her come. We'll say it'll be her first lesson as being an Auror; you keep your true feelings and beliefs hidden while on a mission."

I was surprised I came up with that that quickly. It seemed to work though, because Sirius' expression changed as he looked back at his younger cousin. He sighed deeply, "Alright fine. You can come Tonks…but if we lose our jobs because of this, you're dead." He threatened, although we both knew he didn't mean it.

Tonks smiled at us the brightest smile I had seen from her in days.

"Thank you guys…it means more to me than you know."

I simply nodded at her, upset with myself that I had allowed this to happen. I was becoming soft!

"Understand this Tonks; if we do find him, we cannot kill him. We simply keep our anger hidden and take him to jail, got it? Nothing else." I informed her very seriously. Tonks nodded at my words, determined to let us think that she would not screw this up. "I understand Remus. I won't show any emotions, I promise." Promises were meant to be broken, I thought to myself.

"We'll give you the details and the plan in a few days time."

Tonks smiled at us as we closed the door and walked out of the prison.

Tonks P.O.V

Honestly, I couldn't believe they were actually letting me do this.

They were allowing me to come with them on the chase for the man who attacked my mother. I was determined to show them that I could control my emotions; I didn't want to screw everything up, like I usually did. I would keep my cool…I would stay cool even when I was looking into the soulless black eyes of the werewolf who hurt my mother.

I kicked myself for saying werewolf; not all werewolves were like that…dangerous, reckless, and evil. Just look at Remus; he was the one that allowed me to go with them on the mission. I liked him a little more every day. In fact, I had a hard time believing he was actually a werewolf. He was just so nice and kind!

I shook my head at myself as I followed carefully behind Sirius and Remus. You're not developing feelings for him, are you ? I asked myself, glancing up at Remus' shiny, light brown hair. I felt as if Remus was one of those kids who grew up too fast; being a werewolf and all. Sirius had told me that when he was extremely young that a werewolf bit him because his father insulted him.

It really was an awful story.

Anyway, Sirius, Remus and I were sneaking around in the forest, where Remus said a pack of werewolves lived. He had tried to get them on the Order's side during the war, which he said caused him to get beat up a lot by the other werewolves. I couldn't imagine being him. It really would be a terrible burden to bear.

The leaves crackled under our footsteps as we tramped through the forest, listening for any sounds that told us we were not alone. It was a rather cold day out; the wind whipped right through my cloak, the frost nipping my ears and nose. It didn't seem to bother Sirius and Remus, but it bothered me a lot, since I absolutely hated the winter.

I was snapped out of my thoughts as Remus, who was in the front now, stopped dead in his tracks, causing me to run right into Sirius' backside.

"Be quiet. I hear someone about fifty feet away."

I held my breath, peeking out from behind Sirius to get a good look at the man. He wasn't the one, to my disappointment. Remus glanced down at me, his eyes asking me what I had just answered in my head. I shook my head sadly, looking back at the man who was walking the opposite direction from us. As soon as he was out of sight, we started very carefully walking again.

"Remus?"I whispered to him.

"Yes?"

"How did you find the pack that lives here?"

Remus got a little stiffer when I asked this question. Sirius didn't seem to be paying attention; he was too busy jumping at every little thing that made a noise. "I was a part of their pack long ago," he answered, glancing over at me. "When I was very young and foolish." Remus added, obviously showing that he regretted the decision to be part of their pack. I nodded, not wanting to press him about his past.

Suddenly, Sirius stopped us.

"Look to your left."

Remus and I turned our heads to where Sirius said, seeing a shabby looking man staggering around. My heart sped up quickly and the memories of that night came back to my mind as I looked at the man's dark, soulless eyes. It seemed to get even colder as I turned away from him, not wanting to look at him any longer. Both Remus and Sirius noticed my expression, and Remus put a hand on my arm.

"It's him."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again! Thanks for the reviews, it means a lot!:) love you all!**

Chapter 5-Restraint

Tonks P.O.V

Just imagine your greatest enemy and you, staring right into each other's eyes. Glaring at each other with all the hate you can feel rising inside of you. You just kind of want to lose it and smash them right in the face, ya know? 

"Get behind us Tonks."

I did as I was told, but I quickly realized that there was more of them surrounding us. Something snapped in the bushes behind me, causing me to bolt around, my wand out. A werewolf emerged from the trees. I knew he was a werewolf because of his eyes, which were glowing yellow, while his teeth were bared. My heart skipped a few nervous beats as I nudged Sirius in the ribs.

"They're behind us too."

Sirius glanced behind him, pushing me behind him the other way. About ten more started to emerge from the dark trees; I didn't even know that many werewolves existed. _I shouldn't have done this_, I cursed myself as Remus glanced at me, a flicker of fear in his eyes. I was so stupid to think that there wouldn't be more of them. I knew that if Remus or Sirius died, I would be to blame. I didn't want any more blame on my mind.

Besides, I liked Remus.

And Sirius of course…

"Look who it is! Little miss pinkie hair."

That was a pretty crappy insult, but it did its purpose. My blood boiled on the inside as I started to take a few steps towards him. He had the kind of cocky look on his face that made you want to kick him where the sun don't shine. "The names Louis." Did he really expect me to shake his hand? I asked myself as he held out a rough looking hand out to me.

It happened to be the same hand I saw him slash my mother with.

When I didn't shake his hand, he simply laughed.

"Not a very proper young lady, are we?"

I felt my hair change from a brown to a bright, blood red. I heard someone step behind me quietly, causing me to jump a little. "Tonks." It was Remus; I could tell by the calmness of his voice. He was a few feet behind me luckily, or else he probably would have grabbed me and pushed me behind him again. I didn't want that to happen again. I wanted to prove to this little shit that when you mess with my family, there are consequences.

I could not contain myself any longer.

"I will never understand you people."

"Explain please. We would all love to hear what you have to say Nymphadora."

Don't call me Nymphadora.

"If you know the world is so prejudice and rude to you kind of people, why become the way you are? Honestly, if I were you, I would want to show them how great a person I could be, just to prove them wrong. You know, I bet no one really liked you a lot as a kid. Not because you were a werewolf; because you were a bully. When they found out you were a werewolf, it probably barley made a difference!"

Louis stared at me with those cold, stone eyes, taking in my words.

The flashes of my mother in my mind made me carry on.

I stepped a few feet closer to him as I spoke again.

"Could've proved the world wrong Louis…why didn't you? Were you afraid? Was the little bad wolf afraid?" I mocked him, looking around at the other werewolves as well. It occurred to me that Remus was probably a bit offended by what I was saying, but I would apologize later.

"I mean come on! You didn't even kill my mother! You decided to be a little pussy and just run off when you saw me coming. What kind of a werewolf are you?!"

That must have made him snap.

He leaped forward at me, teeth bared, as the other werewolves started closing in on Remus and Sirius. I didn't have time to think of a spell before Louis pounced on me, slamming me to the dirt filled earth. Blood poured out from the scratch mark he left in my shoulder from his claws. He went for the bite, but not before I could spit out a spell.

"Stupefy!"

Louis was thrown back into a tree hard, but rebounded quickly. I stood up quickly, noticing Remus and Sirius holding off the rest of the werewolves. Why couldn't I be good like them? I quickly questioned as Louis came back for more. "Titillando!" I yelled out, remembering when my mother used to use it out on me when I was in a bad mood. It was a tickling spell.

It hit Louis right in the stomach and he immediately started laughing. After he fell to the ground holding his stomach in pain from laughing so much. I almost smiled myself, seeing a person as terrible as him laughing so hard he was almost crying. But I managed to stay serious for once in my life and ran over to him, holding his throat in my hand.

He stopped laughing immediately.

I squeezed his throat tighter, all the pain and sorrow feelings being taken out on him. This is the man who destroyed your own mother; he caused you all this guilt and depression. He intentionally hurt the women who raised you, who held you when you cried…who you did everything with. A woman so good to everyone…so kind and caring: killed by a monster. He was not just a monster because of _what _he was. He was a monster because of _who _he was. Inside…was something dark and terrible. Something inside of his deep soul caused him to feel like he had to hurt people for a living. When you come to that point in your life, something is definitely wrong with you.

As I rose my wand to kill him, I heard a voice in my head.

_You are not a killer Nymphadora. Don't sink down to his level. _

It sounded an awful lot like my father, Ted.

_You will be just as bad as him if you go through with this my dear. Put the wand down._

"Go ahead, kill me. Just like you killed your mother."

That wounded me. No, that _killed _me inside to hear those words. It pierced my heart to know that he was right too; I had killed my mother. My head ached as I remembered that night…the blood, the faint pulse in my mother's arm, quietly fading away as I pulled the trigger. I peered down into those yellow, moon-like eyes. My hands were shaking so badly I thought my wand was going to fall out of my hand.

He deserves it Tonks!

Do it!

I opened my mouth to speak those unforgivable words, when another voice came to me.

"Tonks…stop."

It was neither my mother's voice nor my father's. It was Remus.

My eyes were burning with tears as I struggled to think. You couldn't just let you mother die without getting justice! I yelled at myself, raising my wand again. But you couldn't become a killer, just like Louis, the other part of my brain yelled to me. The tears fell out of my eyes in frustration; I just wanted everything to be okay again! Why did I have to be put in this position?! I was too young and foolish to make this type of decision!

"Petrificus Totalus."

I let my wand drop onto the ground after I bonded Louis up in ropes.

Have you ever felt so…empty inside that you just don't know what to do with yourself anymore?

Well that's what I felt like after I turned around from Louis.

Remus P.O.V

Thank goodness she didn't do it.

I was very frightened when she had that fire in her eyes; I knew she would be in prison for a long time if she killed him. Sirius and I probably too, since we helped her get this far. When I saw her drop her wand on the ground, I rushed forward to keep Louis from escaping the binds. I regret looking into his eyes; they reminded me just like Antonio's. It sent chills down my spine, so I sent a sleeping spell upon him so I didn't have to look at them anymore.

Somehow Sirius and I managed to take down all the other werewolves. They were also bonded and sleeping just like Louis. How was I going to explain this to Mad-Eye? I thought as I dragged Louis over to the rest of the bodies. Surely he would be angry with us for going behind his back. I didn't think Kingsley would be too upset, since none of us got hurt and we caught some more delinquents.

There was one person I was worried about however.

That would be Tonks.

She was standing a few feet away from us, staring up into the now dark sky, tears rushing down her face. I motioned to Sirius, trying to get him to go talk to his cousin. He shook his head at me, "I think you should handle this one Moony." He replied, winking at me.

What was that supposed to mean?

I sighed and turned around, walking towards Tonks.

I walked up to her side, making sure she heard me before I started talking. The last thing she needed was someone sneaking up on her.

"How are you Nymphadora?"

"Don't call me Nymphadora."

To my surprised, she was smiling a little bit. I chuckled, forgetting that she did not like to be called by her real name.

"My apologizes Dora."

Dora? Really Remus?

I didn't mean to call her that…it just came out that way.

"It took a lot of guts to do what you did back there. Most old, wise men I know couldn't even do that; and that is saying something."

Tonks simply nodded, "Guess I finally learned how to control my anger." She responded. although I knew that wasn't what she meant. I peered over at her curiously, "Hmm…is that really what happened?" I asked her. Tonks looked at me, tears still fresh on her smooth looking face. "No." She said quietly, looking back up at the sky.

I hadn't noticed it before, but the stars looked an awful lot like Tonks' eyes.

I watched her carefully, waiting for her to explain her actions.

"I…I heard my mother and father talking to me. They kept telling me not to do it…that I was a better person than that. I guess I kind of realized that I was just acting like what everyone else would do. Not what I would do if I was my normal self. I've been too busy being angry and depressed that I kind of forgot who I was before. You kind of understand?"

I smiled over at her and nodded.

"Trust me Tonks…I get it. I've been a werewolf for a long time now; I know how you feel."

I gripped her shoulder tightly, letting her know it would be alright. _Please don't think I'm some crazy, creepy old man, _I prayed to myself. Tonks gave me a small smile and wiped a few of her tears away. I couldn't imagine what she was going through; both of her parents are dead, she took part in the greatest war of all time, and she was utterly alone.

She had Sirius of course…

But anyway.

I know I had been through worse, but I couldn't help but know that her world was probably crashing down around her. Believe me, I know that feeling all too well.

"Sorry if you like…got offended by anything I said. I didn't mean it."

"It's quite alright Tonks. I understand what kind of situation you were in."

She still looked incredibly guilty, so I nudged her arm a bit and grinned.

"Trust me, I've heard worse things about my kind."

Tonks chuckled a bit and looked up at the small moon in the dark, shadowy sky.

"Honestly Remus…I never expected you to be as nice as you are. Usually werewolves are bitter and depressed people, like me, aren't they?" She asked me curiously. She wasn't saying it to be rude; she was just a curious girl who wanted to know more about the type of monster who killed her mother. I thought for a second, realizing that I probably was the only nice werewolf out there.

"Most of the time they are, yes."

"So what changed you?"

I smiled over at the pink haired girl beside me.

"Well Tonks…I saw a young, bright person like you one day, that made me very happy and light inside. I knew at that moment that I was going to prove people wrong about my kind. I was going to make people think twice about monsters like me."

"You're not a monster Remus…trust me, I've known monsters all my life and you are nowhere near that category." Tonks replied a bit angrily. I knew she was wrong of course…but I wasn't about to argue with a girl that probably just had the toughest night of her life.

"Come on Tonks…let's get you home. Everything is okay now."

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**Have a fantabulous day!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6-Sleepless Nights

Tonks P.O.V

_Dried tears stain tattoos of sadness among face,_

_Your breath lingers on skin, layering the guilt and shame,_

_Tracing your fingertips, carved with blade,_

_Spells out my disgrace, in the dark, nightmares wait._

_Burning memories, seared in closed eyelids,_

_So every shutting of the eyes, painfully reminds,_

_There is no place to hide in the dark._

_Haunted hallows of a broken mind, a shiver whisper's_

_"I'm Alone."_

_Ticking in suspended time._

I thought of this poem as I laid in the dark, lonely cell back at the Ministry. The last half-hour had been pretty unclear to me, since tears would not stop refilling my eyes. The captured werewolves were on the opposite end of the prison than me, so at least I didn't have to worry about them mocking me and yelling terrible things at me.

The dark was a very scary, yet settling place.

Before, when I was a young and lazy teenager, I used to lie in my room with all of the lights turned off, and some soft, calming music would be playing in the back ground. Confession time: I love muggle music. I especially like Rihanna and Eminem. They were my favorites. Anyway, I would lay there for hours and hours, just thinking about where I wanted my life to go. Sometimes I wouldn't come out for the entire day, and my mom would end up breaking the door down.

I miss her.

I miss my daddy too.

They were good people! Why did they have to be the ones that died a terrible death? Why couldn't it be like, the Malfoys or something? I know it isn't right to wish bad omens on other people, but I couldn't help it. My parents had made mistakes in their lives; but none that cost anyone dearly. They were never cruel to anyone or used any unforgivable curses on anyone, even if they deserved it. They were not the perfect parents; they may have dropped me on the head a few times too many, but I still turned out alright!

Okay, bad example, but you get the point.

I closed my eyes slowly, now getting used to the burning sensation of my tears dripping down my cheeks. That terrible feeling of hopelessness…the not knowing what's going to come next. What do I do after this? Louis was in jail now…hopefully forever; but what do I do now? Where do I go from here?

I had no answers.

My hand fell down to the ground, tracing over the chill, smooth surface of the glass-like ground. I could feel my heart aching and almost ready to burst as I tried to pull myself together. My mind was racing around the track, around and around and around again. I tried to figure out what road I should take, but I could not focus for more than one second. Now I understood how people in mental hospitals felt like all around the clock. I gripped my head tightly, squeezing, trying to force my mind to slow down. It was almost like my head was a balloon; you put too much air in it, and it explodes into a million pieces.

"Stop it…just stop it…"

I couldn't tell you what I was talking about even if I knew.

I wanted it all to just stop…I wanted it to end. Living in this cruel, harsh world was too much to take. Especially in the re-building stage of the entire government. Rules would be broken…new laws would be made, then broken again. It was a never ending cycle that I did not want to be part of. If anyone else I knew got hurt…that would be it. It would be the end.

Blood slipped onto my slim fingers, snapping me out of my jumbled thoughts.

As soon as I peered at the blood, a billion emotions possessed me.

My mother's blood, starting to harden on the outside of her now white skin. The flesh hanging from her leg, which was ripped open with a deep claw of a werewolf. Her beating heart, barley hanging on as she whispered shaking words to me. The usual right blue eyes dilated as I looked down, deep inside her aching soul. The new blood flowing from her skinny waist, where another cut was waiting to test her willpower. Her agonizing scream echoing through the forest, causing anyone near the incident's blood to stir.

Voices raced through my brain, spinning and buzzing around, trying to make me go completely mental. Telling me to just end it, while others yelled at me to keep pressing on and fighting. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry until I had nothing left. Trying to distract myself from my outrageous ideas, I grabbed the shelf and threw it against the hard, stone wall.

It was the smashing noise that brought me back to reality.

I barely had enough time to hear the footsteps coming towards me.

I bolted around to see Mad-Eye Moody standing there, my prison door wide open.

"Don't got all day Nymphadora."

Was this all a trick? I asked myself, suddenly realizing that my mind was no longer in a state of complete ciaos. "You're letting me go?" I asked him, slowly walking out of the cell. Mad-Eye snorted, "I figure you've suffered enough," he answered, a little too compassionate for him. He quickly covered it up and scowled at me, "Well? Go on!" Mad-Eye demanded, shutting the cell door.

I decided not to ask any more questions as to why he was letting me go.

He led me up the marble, spiral staircase and down the hallway to a bright red door. It was a rather curious door; the handle was in the middle, it had an old, rusty look to it, while the door was completely smooth. I had never seen such a door.

Wow, I thought to myself; The most plainest things interest me when I'm completely mad. Mad-Eye knocked twice on the door, then let himself and me in. I nearly smiled when I saw it was only Sirius. For a minute I thought it was going to be Kingsley, giving me a lecture about how young people weren't supposed to waste their valuable time in a cell. Trust me, I had gotten enough lectures from Professor Mcgonagal in my time at Hogwarts.

I barley even noticed Harry sitting beside him.

He looked a lot older from the last time I had seen him. I guess I would look a little different too if I just saved the entire Wizarding World from Voldemort. Sirius snapped me out of my thoughts by getting up and embracing me in a tight hug. It was a rather awkward hug, since I hadn't really gotten used to hugging my cousin I hadn't seen much in the last twelve years.

He pulled back and gave me an encouraging smile.

"You ready to start your life Tonksie?"

Did I still look like I had been crying? I wondered as I brushed a piece of hair out of my face. "Not yet." I answered truthfully. It wasn't like me to bounce back that fast…I wasn't like Harry, who never gave up and just kept pushing forward. Sirius chuckled a bit as he sat down in his chair again. "I didn't think so…I would have been very surprised if you would bounce back this quickly." he replied to my answer.

I managed to squeeze out a weak smile.

"Whotcher Harry."

"Hello Tonks…how have you been?"

"Well…I'm alive."

Mad-Eye, who I had forgotten was even in the room, snorted at my answer. I rolled my eyes at him, wiping the blood off my forehead. Sirius noticed my action and frowned a bit at Mad-Eye, "Has she been to St. Mungo's yet?" he questioned, pointing to the gash in my head. I silently hoped they didn't see where my fingers had been squeezing my head.

I definitely did not want anyone to think I was insane…even if I was.

"I have some business to attend to…I'll get Remus to do it."

Moody walked out of the room grumpily, leaving Harry, Sirius and I to ourselves. Was I supposed to say something? I asked myself as I sat down in the chair opposite my cousin. I think they were both thinking the same thing, because they glanced at each other, silently asking one another what to do. "So Tonks…are you planning on completing your Auror training?" Harry asked me curiously.

"Possibly…I might just take a while off, ya know. After everything that's happened I don't think I could focus very well on that."

Harry nodded at my reply, pretending to see something interesting on the floor. Who knew the war could change a person so much? I thought, referring to myself. I used to be so interesting to talk to, people told me. Happy, cheeky, and fun. That was usually what I was described as.

My how times change.

After a couple of awkward minutes, Remus finally appeared in the doorway.

"Ready to go Tonks?"

"Yeah."

I painfully walked over to Remus, turning around only once to say goodbye to Sirius and Harry.

"See you around guys."

"Bye Tonks!"

"I'll check up on you soon cus."

I closed the door quietly, not making eye contact with Remus. It may seem really mean to say this…but I was just very uncomfortable around werewolves at the moment. It wasn't because I thought Remus would hurt me; it was just that I had been scarred from my mother's attack. If you ever experience that, which I hope you don't have to, you'll understand the uneasiness I was feeling.

I noticed him glancing a look at me every once in a while, as if he was trying to make sure I was still breathing. "Does your cut hurt?" he asked quietly as we walked outside, the cool air hitting our faces. To me it seemed as if every part of my body hurt. I guess being crazy and depressed makes you feel like you're always in pain.

"A little bit."

"Do you have any other injuries?"

"Does being insane count as an injury?"

I locked eyes with Remus as I spoke. His expression was hard to read as I observed his face. There were many scars on it, but you could still see the kind look on his slightly pale face. I didn't have to ask what the scars were from; I knew. His dark, soft brown eyes looked away from mine for a second and up to the cut on my head as we walked down the busy streets of Diagon Alley.

"You are not insane Tonks. Trust me…I've known plenty of insane people."

"I can't think Remus."

This caught his attention and he snapped his head in my direction, waiting for an explanation. How do I explain something when I can't even think? I wondered as I struggled to find the words. "I…all my thoughts are just…lost. Nothing is clear anymore! I can't even think how to clear my mind because everything is so screwed up! Do you understand what I'm getting at?" I asked him, desperate for just one person to get what I was going through. Remus stared at me for a long time, stopping in his tracks. I stopped too, staring right back up at his aged face. He nodded very slowly at me, "I do understand Tonks. All those thoughts and images in your mind…they get confused. You feel out of control of your own mind, right?" he asked, looking at me intently.

"Yeah…exactly."

I was surprised that Remus could explain it that easily. I guess he was smarter and older than I was…but still.

Remus broke our stare and started walking again, like nothing had ever happened.

Remus P.O.V

"Excuse me, could we get a nurse to look at her cut please?"

"Of course, we'll send someone out in a few minutes."

"Thank you."

I walked back over to Tonks, who was almost sleeping in the waiting chair. It was like me around the full moon; tired, confused, and upset. She reminded me of a younger version of Sirius sometimes…happy and excited when she was normal, but when she got sad…she got sad. I don't mean like the sad for a few hours type of thing. I mean the total, complete sorrow that was blowing around in her mind.

Sirius was usually never like that, but when he was, it showed.

I noticed Tonks' cut was starting to look a little black, which wasn't a good sign. Without thinking, I leaned forward and touched her bleeding gash. She jumped a bit, startled by the sudden pain. "I'm so sorry," I apologized quickly, not wanting her to be mad at me. "It's just starting to look infected so I wanted to get a better look at it." I explained, bringing my hand back down.

Tonks smiled a little bit, "It's fine, go ahead."

I hesitantly put my hand back up to investigate her cut. It didn't look too bad now that I saw it closer. Tonks' hot breath was blowing against my neck softly, giving me the shivers. I couldn't help but notice her hair smelled like strawberries. I sighed deeply to have an excuse to smell it again. That sounded extremely creepy, and I was thankful I hadn't said it out loud.

"Probably needs about five or six stitches, but you'll be okay."

Tonks looked up at me curiously.

"So you're an Auror _and _a doctor?"

I laughed at her question, "No…I guess I've just spent an enormous amount of time at this hospital." I answered, looking around the hallways I knew all too well. When I peered back at Tonks, she had kind of a sad look in her sparkling eyes.

"Because you were a werewolf?"

I nodded very slowly, remembering later when she had not been meeting my eyes. Had she been afraid of me? I wondered in my mind. Tonks looked down at the floor, both of us unsure what to say next. My "furry little problem" wasn't something I liked to talk about casually. It just wasn't a comfortable subject for me or for the person I was talking to.

"I bet they weren't too happy about having a werewolf popping in every end of the month huh?"

I chuckled a bit at Tonks' statement.

"Prejudice is the child of ignorance, Tonks."

Tonks smiled and chuckled at my statement, although I didn't really get what was funny about it. I looked at her curiously, "What's so amusing?" I questioned her. She smiled up at me brightly, "It's just…there are so many differences between you and every other werewolf I have met. It bothers me how there can be you: caring, wise, kind, and forgiving, then there's the others: arrogant, hateful, and terrible." Tonks said to me, the smile fading on her face a bit.

Wanting her to smile again, I replied.

"Well…the world works in many different ways. Some people have their problems define who they are, while others use them as a boost to make their _own _character."

Again Tonks laughed.

"You know Remus…I wish everyone was like you."

I smiled down at the young flame.

"Me too Tonks, me too."

She laughed at my comment, making my heart skip a few beats.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews! Love you guys:) **

**Chapter 7-Afterward**

**Remus P.O.V**

After Tonks finally got stitched up, I decided to take her home.

"Where are we headed?"

Tonks got a confused look on her clean face. "I…guess I hadn't really thought about that." She answered quietly as we walked out of St. Mungo's. I nodded understandingly; so much had happened to her in the past few weeks I'm sure she had no time to even think about where she was going to live. "My parent's house I guess." Tonks added, looking over at me. I gave her an encouraging smile and nodded, "Okay. You ready?" I asked, holding my arm out to her.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

She laid her small arm onto mine, giving me a jolt of electricity inside.

Within a second, we were standing in front of Tonks' parents house.

The flowers left from the funeral were surrounding the house; not a space was left bare. There was notes on the door, all addressed to Tonks, with little moving hearts bouncing all around on the paper. I could imagine that Tonks was reliving this whole nightmare all over again in her mind. To try and make her forget about that for now, I rushed her inside and closed the door behind us.

The first thing I noticed was a huge wall full of moving pictures, all the pictures of Tonks and her parents.

It went from when Andromeda and Ted met at Hogwarts, then escalated to their wedding, then the birth of Tonks. From there, it followed Tonks' life up until what looked like the summer before the war started. Tonks was extremely tan and was sitting on the bank of a river, laughing up at the camera. She really was a magnificent young woman.

"I remember this."

I walked over to Tonks, who was smiling up at a picture on the very top of the wall.

"It was the day I got my first broomstick" She started, staring at the image. "The first time I got on it I crashed into a tree and ended up breaking my arm." Tonks laughed, shaking her head. "I've always been extremely clumsy and reckless…my dad said I got it from his side of the family." I chuckled a little at the memory Tonks had shared with me. I could just imagine it; eleven-year-old Tonks, zooming around on a broomstick, hitting everything that was in ten feet of her.

When I looked back over at her, she was no longer smiling. In fact, more tears were starting to form on her eyelids, itching to get out. Putting a hand on her shoulder, I realized it was time for me to go. "Tonks…are you going to be alright?" I asked her, although I already knew the answer. She gave me a small smile and shrugged, "No…but for now I think I'll just focus on getting some sleep." Tonks replied.

I smiled and nodded, "Alright…well, if you need anything, don't hesitate to contact me. I hope to see you soon."

Why did you say that?! I yelled at myself, hoping she wouldn't notice how hopeful I had sounded when I said that.

To my relief, Tonks smiled.

"Thank you Remus. For everything…honestly, you've been-amazing-these past few weeks."

"Anytime Tonks."

I gave her a shy smile and started to head towards the door. What was going on with me? I wondered silently. I had never been as confused and lighthearted as I was these past few weeks. The war was over; I had no reason to be nervous all the time! So why was I whenever I was around Tonks? She wasn't the type of person that I should be nervous around…she wasn't exactly scary.

"Get home safe alright?"

"I will," I replied to her, turning around to look at her worried face. "You have a good night Tonks." I told her, wishing she would sleep well. I didn't want her to end up like me; tired all the time, delusional, and just plain confused. That's what happened when I was tired, and trust me, that was most of the time. She gave me a little nod and a small smile.

"Goodnight Remus."

I closed the door behind me and walked away, the image of Tonks still in my mind.

Tonks P.O.V

I wonder what it's like to not be tired.

After Remus left that night, I did not fall asleep until three in the morning. I just couldn't do it. At first I thought I was because I was uncomfortable in my parents' house, so I even tried to go outside in the garden and sleep! It still didn't work, so eventually I just gave up; and that was when I fell asleep. Weird huh?

Anyway, that was about two weeks ago now, and since then I have officially became and Auror.

Sirius was extremely surprised when I showed up the day after I had gotten out of prison. He said I needed rest, but after I explained to him that sleep was not in my favor at the moment, he calmed down and took me to the Auror office. Apparently all I had left to do was sign the stupid papers! If I would have known that, I would have done it a long time ago.

To be honest, I still have not gotten used to all the peace.

No murders, no kidnappings, nothing. It was all just…too quiet for me. Every time someone opened a door, I whipped my wand out, expecting them to be Death Eaters. Most of the time it was only the mail guy, then I had to apologize for scaring him. I was so used to the constant vigilance Mad-Eye had taught me back before the war started. There was no way I could calm down and just be normal like everyone else was acting like.

Speaking of everyone…there was one face that I was disappointed not to see.

Remus.

One day I asked Sirius where his office was, because I desperately wanted to talk to someone who at least understood what I was going through. But Sirius said that Remus was always on missions to try and find the remaining Death Eaters that still roamed around. I found myself even more depressed than I was before. No one to talk to except for Sirius; well, that was a lie. There was other young Auror girls that always tried to talk to me, but I hated them. Just the way they talked annoyed me.

At the present time, I am sitting in my own, new office, staring at the still plain walls.

Feeling alone and sad, I got a quill and started to write.

_You feel like there is no one,_

_No one that comprehends you._

_You just want to be done,_

_Because no one has a clue._

_Those lonely, white walls_

_Bare down on you, like the flu,_

_Because you always fall._

It made sense to me, but to everyone else who read it probably meant the walls were getting me sick. Some people really need to listen to poetry more often.

Just as I put my quill aside, one of the young Auror girls burst open my door, a panicked look on her pale face. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I sat up, my wand pointed out towards her. It didn't calm me down when I realized it was just her.

"What could possibly be so important that-"

"Piknona is hurt!"

"What?"

"Piknona found an ex-Death Eater on her mission for the Order today and he has her all bound up and I just don't know what to do Tonks!"

She started pacing around the room, her eyes wide with fear. I suddenly had an energetic burst inside of me when she said the word Death Eater. I gripped my wand tightly and walked over to her, looking her right in the eyes.

"Take me to her."

I held onto her as we Apparated to the location where Piknona was supposedly being held captive. The first thing I noticed was that it was slightly chilly and there was a light snow falling from the dark sky. Many trees were around us, making it hard to see anything…but there was no mistaking the blood in the foot of snow in front of where we had landed. The girl stood behind me, shaking from fear.

Obviously this was her first mission.

"Is that her blood?"

She whimpered so I took that as a yes.

I started cautiously walkingthrough the pure white snow, carefully so that no one would hear the crunching underneath our feet. _Blow our cover, and you're dead, _I silently threatened her in my head, hearing her footsteps get a little louder. "Quiet." I hissed at her, glancing around for someone to come jumping out at us with their wands.

There was a bare patch of dead grass about ten feet ahead of us. Blood was scattered around, but it didn't appear to be pouring out, which was a good thing for Piknona. I hope she wasn't hurt too badly; I don't think I could hold onto her and this other girl while we Apparated; since I didn't think the girl leading me to her would be capable to do it herself.

A screaming was heard in the distance, right behind a row of trees blocking our way. "Was that her?" I asked, getting a nod in response to my question. My heart started to beat faster, adrenaline kicking in as I walked forward, carefully making my way out of the trees. The talking and yelling was getting more clearer as we got closer and closer.

I held my arm out to stop the girl from going any further.

It was only one Death Eater, even though it sounded like there had been more. He was a rather disgusting looking man; unshaven face, blackish teeth, shaved head. The Dark Mark on his arm was just an ugly tattoo now, since Voldemort was no longer here. It made him even less attractive with that on his arm.

He was standing over Piknona, wand in hand. From what I could see, there was only a few deep cuts in her side and maybe a few on her right leg. She looked absolutely terrified as the man leaned down and started to stroke her face. He was speaking very quietly too her, something I couldn't make out. I assumed it wasn't good when Piknona started to shake her head, more tears falling from her already puffy eyes.

He stood up again, wand pointed right at her.

"Crucio!"

I had to nearly choke the other girl to get her to stop sobbing. How did she even become an Auror?! I wondered as I glared at her, daring her to cry out again. It was a terrible thing, the Cruciatus Curse. But it was part of life. I had experienced it many times, so I guess I understood why she had started to cry when she saw one of her friends in terrible pain…but we could not afford to be discovered.

"Listen carefully, okay? I need you to calm down. We're going to get her out of there, but I cannot do it by myself. Can you do what I need you to do?"

She took a deep breath and nodded.

"Good. Now…I want you to quietly walk over to that big tree over there," I commanded her, pointing to the larger tree of the two across from us. "Once you get over there, make a loud noise. I don't care what it is, just do it loud enough where it gets his attention and drags him towards you, alright?" I explained to her, glancing back at Piknona, who was nearly passed out from the excruciating pain.

The girl didn't look too convinced of my plan.

I put a hand on her shoulder, trying to be comforting.

"I won't let him hurt you too. Trust me."

I gave her a hard stare and after a few long seconds, she nodded and started to waddle over to the tree.

When I looked back at Piknona, I was shocked to see her staring right at me. There was no way she could have heard us! I exclaimed in my head, my eyes locking with hers. I held up my finger to my lips, motioning for her to keep quiet and look away from me. If he was smart enough to look over where her eyes were looking, I would be discovered. Shit would happen then.

She understood me, thank Dumbledore, and looked back up at the Death Eater.

I waited, waited and waited.

Then I heard the loudest yell I have ever heard.

"HEY!"

The Death Eater's eyes darted towards the big tree, his wand held in a firm grip. I got ready for a fight, taking a deep breath. He slowly walked towards the noise source, the plan going exactly how it should have. Honestly…I didn't know if I could take another Death Eater: I mean, what if I started getting flash backs and ended up killing us all?

I didn't have time to be panicking though, because now was my time for action.

I jumped out of the trees and stepped in front of Piknona's limp body. The Death Eater bolted around and started to yell a spell, but I beat him to the chase.

"Stupefy!"

His body burst back and hit the large tree, which I could see the Auror girl hiding behind. Thinking fast, I bent down and tried to pick Piknona's body up, knowing she needed help right away. "Watch out." She breathed in my ear, giving me enough time to turn around, just to be hit by a spell. My head smashed to the ground, my skull shaking around. Everything was starting to get black, but I focused on the tattoo on his arm, muttering a spell under my breath.

"Expelliarmus!"

He shielded the curse and came right back at me with another spell.

"Crucio!"

I blocked it and managed to stand up, feeling my legs shaking uncontrollably.

"Slugulus Eructo!"

Pathetic spell, I know, but for some odd reason I thought of the time Ron had told me about his little spat at Malfoy and how it had ended up. The Death Eater was apparently too confused about what I had said to try and protect himself, because it hit him square in the chest, to my amusement. Slimy, green slugs started to pour out of his mouth, and I heard the Auror girl mutter something about how disgusting that was.

Again, he proved to be very determined.

"Avada Kedavra!"

I barely managed to block his attempt at my life, but unluckily for him, that pissed me off. I ran towards him, seeing that he was trying to stand up, and tackled him to the ground. It was a stupid move. My muscles had been weak from lack of eating the past few months and he overpowered me almost immediately.

His mistake however, was not killing me.

You see, Death Eaters don't just want to kill you; there's no fun in that. They have to come up with some stupid speech about how Voldemort was the best, how they were going to win the war, ect. ect. It's stupid really. He ripped my face up to his after he punched me in the cheek a couple times, a cocky grin on his face.

"Look what we have here! An Auror I presume?"

"What's it to you?"

He smiled and shook his head.

"I was just-"

"Stupefy!"

His body was cast off of mine and right into a tree, and I sat up to see Piknona holding my wand.

"Here!"

She managed to throw it to me just as he stood up again. I had my wand right to his throat before he could run over and grab his wand, which was lying on the ground a few feet away. I stared into his cold, heard eyes, knowing that I got him. It gave me a little hint of pride, knowing I had just saved someone's life.

The Auror girl had her wand pointed at her also, coming out from behind the tree.

"The good guys always win, don't you know that?"

He didn't reply to my comment as I bound him up. This was the most fun I've had in weeks! I thought to myself as I dragged him back to Piknona. I didn't trust giving the other girl the Death Eater, so I told her to get her stood up so we could get the heck out of here. "Come on, this place creeps me out." I said to them, not liking how freezing the snow was making me.

Piknona finally managed to stand up, but of course as soon as she did, stupid Death eater boy had to try something.

He swung his legs towards mine, causing me to lose my balance. As I was falling towards the ground, I managed to keep my grip on him. I would have recovered too…if the Auror girl hadn't missed. She aimed a curse at him uncontrollably, missing him and hitting me right in the side. Would you like to know what curse it was? I'll give you a hint: this curse was created by Severus Snape, who then proceeded to tell everyone of his little Death Eater friends about it.

Sectumsempra.

Of all the freaking curses-

"Nymphadora!"

Mad-Eye? I thought as everything quickly became darker and darker. Someone was crying, I assumed it was the ignorant girl who hit me with her curse, and I heard another person start talking to Piknona. Mad-Eye's face popped up in front of me, a surprisingly concerned look on his face. "Don't worry about nothing Tonks, we're here now." He grumbled, muttering a spell under his breath.

I felt relief from my tense body, but I could still feel immense pain in my arm.

The world was fading away now, my eyes seeing less and less of Mad-Eye's grumpy looking face.

My head fell to the side, and the last thing I remember seeing was blood.

Lots and lots of blood.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8-Pretending

Tonks P.O.V 

Pain was the word.

Lots and lots of pain.

My eyes were closed, but I could still hear many voices talking over me. My head ached terribly and I felt a sharp pain in my left arm when I tried to move it. The voices went quiet as I opened my eyes, the bright light blinding me at first. Everything was white; white walls, white floor, everything. That combined with the light right above my head created an even worse headache for me.

"How are you today Nymphadora?"

When my vision finally focused, I could see about five nurses standing around my bedside. Where was I? What had happened? I thought, my memory not very clear yet. The nurse with blonde hair smiled as I looked around the room confused. "You're at St. Mungo's. You were fighting that Death Eater, remember?" she reminded me. It all came back to me when she said Death Eater; that stupid Auror girl had hit me with her curse. To think, I was actually starting to respect her a little!

"Right."

"You broke your left arm when you tripped over that man," she explained to me, showing me the x-rays. She started blabbering on about how painful it would be for the first few days or something. My only thought was that I had to get out of here. Hospitals were the worst. They're so creepy and white all the time…which is odd since a lot of people come in here bleeding most of the time.

I pushed myself out of bed, causing more aches and pains to serge through my body. I ignored the nurses as they started to protest against my actions. I grabbed my leather jacket, which had a bunch of blood on it, and slipped it over myself. Since I couldn't put my left arm in the sleeve, I guess that arm would have to be cold.

"I really wouldn't suggest doing that! They were going to come surprise you tonight!"

I stopped at the door, wondering what the nurse was talking about.

"Who?"

"Um, all those Ministry people! They were having a party tonight but were going to come surprise you and see if you were alright!"

Who would come visit me? I thought to myself, studying her face carefully. She didn't appear to be lying, so I played along. "Oh!" I exclaimed, pretending I was happy. "In that case, I'll just stay here until they come!" I sat back down on the silk bed, giving them a fake smile. They all bought it and started smiling right back at me.

"We should be back in about an hour to check on you!"

"Thank you so much!"

All the preppy little nurses exited the room, leaving me by myself.

"Glad I never became a nurse."

I jumped right back up and grabbed my wand, which was sitting on the table beside the bed. I slipped it in my sling, chuckling a little at how perfect it was for holding a wand. The door creaked when I opened it, but no one else had heard it apparently. I slipped out into the hallway unseen, looking around for the exit. I saw one, but it was covered in blood.

To me, it made the place look better…more colorful.

But when I saw the poor man who the blood belonged to, I took that thought back.

Seeing it as the only way out, I hid behind the receptionist desk until all the doctors and nurses surrounding the man went down the hallway and to the emergency room. The only way I could get through was to walk through the blood splatter. It was totally disgusting to step in someone else's blood, but I did it anyway.

I cannot tell you how good the air felt on my skin.

It was cold, but I think it woke me up a little. I felt like I could finally breath without taking in some toxic waste. I realized I had not been able to breathe like this ever since my mum died. Maybe this is the way out! I thought excitedly as I shoved my one hand in my pocket and started to walk down the sidewalk. Maybe this is how I can finally forget that terrible night.

"Tonks?"

I froze in my spot, recognizing a voice coming from behind me.

"Ron?"

I turned around to face the red-haired boy, seeing a smile on his freckled face. "I haven't seen you in ages! What happened to your arm?" he asked curiously, taking notice of my sling. I chuckled a little, some relief filling me; he must not know about what happened yesterday. "Clumsy me," I replied to his question, hoping that would be all the explaining I would have to do.

Ron laughed and nodded, "You always have been extremely clumsy…no offence."

"None taken! Say…are you going to that party tonight?"

He grumbled and nodded his head again. "My mum's throwing it. She invited all the Order people and a few of us kids. She said it's for celebrating all of our safety or something mushy like that." I laughed at his statement; I almost forgot how much I liked this kid. "Well I look forward to it!" I said to him, flashing him a smile. "By the way…how's George doing?" I asked, remembering his older brother.

I had been crushed when they told me Fred had been killed.

If it hurt for me, I couldn't imagine how it must have felt for George.

Ron's face went a little pale and he looked down at the ground.

"He's…okay. He finally ate a whole meal the other day. Most of the time he just stays locked up in his office at their shop though."

The sad feeling was cast back upon me as I pictured George sitting all alone in his office. Realizing how upset I must have made Ron by asking that question, I put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "I'm sure he'll bounce back eventually," I said to him. "I mean, both my parents died within a few months, and look at me now! I'm still not completely okay, I don't think I'll ever be, but I'm getting better and better every day." I lied. That was probably the worst lie I had ever told, but I just wanted Ron to feel better.

It worked.

Ton perked up a little, "Yeah, you're right! You're nearly back to your normal self now! Maybe George just needs some time." he suggested, smiling over at me. He had gotten taller than me since the war ended, and it made me feel awfully short. I smiled at him and nodded, "He'll pull through; he always does." I didn't have anything else to say about this topic, so we kinda just stood there awkwardly for a few seconds.

"Well I guess I'll see you at the party! Where is it again?"

"In Kingsley's other office. It actually used to be a ballroom, but no one wanted it anymore so Kingsley took it."

"Great! I'll see you there!"

"See ya Tonks!"

I turned away from him and started to walk quickly down the cold streets. The party was in a few hours, and I had to make myself look presentable.

Especially if that insidious girl who cursed me was going to be there.

Remus P.O.V

I was never a fan of parties.

This party was different than all the one's James and Sirius had dragged me to however. This party was a very clam party; the adults would talk while the kids would joke around and dance. It had been a while since I had seen all of my friends, so it gave me great joy to see all of them smiling. Sirius came over to me while I was talking to Harry and Hermione, a great big grin on his face.

"How does everyone like the party so far?"

"It's great Sirius…it's nice to see everyone together again!"

"That it is Hermione! We're going to go surprise Tonks now, so spread the word around to everyone!"

I noticed Harry was distracted by someone who had come into the room. Sirius looked at his nephew curiously as he looked back at us and pointed towards the doorway. "I don't think that will be necessary Sirius…" he trailed off as we all directed our attention to the doorway, where Tonks had just walked in with a sling on her arm.

Sirius' jaw nearly dropped to the floor when he saw his cousin standing there. Everyone else had noticed her come in too and looked just as surprised as he was. I was shocked too, but a bit more quietly then everyone else. _She should be in bed!_ I thought as Sirius and I approached her. _She should be resting and healing! _The first thing I noticed about her was that she still looked ill; she face was paler than usual, her hair was merely a dull pink color, and there was dark bags underneath her eyes.

Other than that she looked amazing.

Tonks had a short, red dress on with a gold bow around the waist, fitting her figure perfectly. Her sneakers she was wearing almost made me laugh; I should have known Tonks wouldn't have worn heels. That would surely be a disaster. No offence to her! I mean…she was rather clumsy, but it was cute! Anyway, Tonks gave all of us a smile when we finally got to her.

"Wotcher everybody."

I thought Sirius was going to explode.

"Tonks! What are you doing here?!"

"I heard there was a party dear cousin. You know me…always the life of the party."

Sirius shook his head, "You should be resting! You were nearly killed yesterday!" he exclaimed. I didn't understand my friend sometimes; usually he was reckless and adventurous, but other times he was protective and responsible. I put a hand on Padfoot's shoulder, trying to calm him down. People were starting to stare, wondering what was going on.

"Well Sirius, she is obviously feeling better, so why not let her stay?"

Tonks looked at me for the first time that night, and I felt a little jolt inside my blood.

Sirius glanced at me, then back at his cousin. Harry and Hermione had pleading looks on their faces, begging him to let her stay. The kids really did adore Tonks; the old Tonks at least. They didn't know the new Tonks yet. "Sirius," Tonks started, smiling up at her cousin. "Sirius its Tonksie. Your little favorite cousin Tonksie!" she added, using Sirius' nickname for her.

Sirius cracked a grin and shook his head.

"Alright, fine! You can stay; but I'm taking you straight home afterwards."

"Deal!"

Everyone went back to their conversations as Tonks and us walked over to the Weasley's. Molly smiled brightly when Tonks approached her. "Tonks dear! How wonderful to see you!" she greeted happily, embracing Tonks in a tight hug. I knew that Molly and Tonks were close; during the war I always saw Tonks and her talking. It seemed that Molly was always giving her advice and such. I smiled over at Arthur, who walked over to Sirius and I.

"Hello Remus! Sirius!"

"Good to see you Arthur. How are you?"

He smiled and shrugged, "I'm fine…dealing." He replied, slightly nodding over to George, who was sitting in the corner all alone. It must have hurt him something awful when Fred died. I couldn't imagine the terrible things he was feeling. I frowned a little and nodded, wishing I could do something to help George. "I hope George get's better soon." I said, trying to comfort him a little. Arthur smiled and looked over at his son.

"Me too Remus. Me too."

I heard Molly say something about going to get Ginny for Harry, leaving Tonks standing there alone.

_Go talk to her Remus!_

"Good evening Tonks."

She smiled up at me and leaned against the wall. "Hello Remus. It's good to see you again." she responded. I had not seen her in a few weeks, and it felt good to look into those dark eyes of hers again. I smiled back down at her, "So I hear you had a little adventure yesterday involving a Death Eater?" I asked curiously, wanting to hear the story from her point of view.

Tonks snorted and rolled her eyes.

"It was wonderful. Some Auror girl comes crying to me that her friend got caught by a Death Eater and begs me to help her. So I get there, come up with a plan, and catch the guy, right? As soon as we're about to leave, the guy trips me, no big deal. I had a tight grip on him still; until she panicked and spit out a spell, which missed the guy and hit me instead. Can you believe that?!"

I chuckled at Tonks' version of the story. I knew it would be more interesting if it was from her mouth instead of Mad-Eyes.

"That is pretty ridiculous…what curse was it?"

"Sectumsempra."

This alarmed me and I glanced back over at Tonks. Was that not the terrible curse that Snape had invented when we were in school? The one that made you nearly bleed out if it were to hit you? "Sectumsempra?" I repeated, wondering if I had heard her right. "My goodness you need to rest Tonks!" I exclaimed to her, wondering why I had convinced Sirius to let her stay. Mad-Eye had not mentioned that little detail about her adventure. Tonks sighed at my concern, "Trust me Remus, I'm better off not being stuck in a hospital. Things never go well." She added, the light gone from her eyes. I stood there looking at her for a second, admiring her beauty even after she had probably just escaped from the hospital a few hours earlier.

"You are something else Tonks."

She chuckled and looked down at the floor.

"I guess."

We stood there in a surprisingly comfortable silence for the next ten minutes, watching all the younger kids dance and yell while the music played.

How I missed my younger years.

I missed James most all. At every dance we had at Hogwarts, I remember, he would ask Lily to dance until she said yes. Usually I would convince her that James wasn't so bad, that was why she said yes eventually, but I didn't have the heart to tell Prongs that. He was always so happy around her; she was too, though she did not like to admit it. But she came around eventually, and they were married around the time the first Order was created.

I hadn't even realized Tonks had been talking to me.

"Sorry what?"

Tonks gave me a sly smile, "I asked what you were smiling about."

I blushed a little, realizing that I had probably been grinning like an idiot as I thought of my old friend.

"Oh… I was just remembering how James would always ask Lily to dance with him at every school dance we had at Hogwarts when we were younger."

"Did she ever say yes?"

I smiled at her and nodded.

"Eventually she would give in. It was always a great night for James when she did."

"Do you still miss him?"

An image of James' laughing face appeared in my mind.

"Every day."

I looked back at Tonks' sullen face. She seemed to be thinking hard about something, but I didn't quite know what. I glanced back at the dance floor, watching all the couples laugh and dance together. When I happened to look at Harry and Ginny, my heart skipped a few beats. The first time I saw them, I saw James and Lily. I found myself flashing back to our fourth year at Hogwarts, at the dance when James had finally annoyed Lily enough that she agreed to dance with him. Sirius was whooping and hollering while I smiled and gave my friend a thumbs up.

"Remus?"

I was snapped back to reality when Tonks looked up at me.

"Yes Tonks?"

"Would you like to dance?"

My mind suddenly went blank as I looked down at Tonks' brilliant smile.

"I-uh-I-I would love to."

**Oooooooooo!:) Love is in the air! Too bad Remus won't admit it -_- hahaha**

**Have a safe and wonderful weekend! **

**I know I will…because we don't have basketball!:) **


	9. Chapter 9

**Avril Lavigne's songs make me cry so much. I listened to like 5 of them last night and couldn't stop bawling! hahahaha. I guess I'm just very emotional. Anyway, thanks for reading! Tell your friends!**

**:) **

**Chapter 9-The Lonely**

**Tonks P.O.V**

He said yes!

What do I do now?

Remus and I slowly walked to the dance floor, hoping no one noticed our awkwardness. I really didn't plan this out very well. Since my left arm was in a sling, Remus put his right hand over my waist and intertwined his left hand with my right hand. I couldn't remember the last time I danced with someone, but I figured I couldn't have completely forgotten the steps.

Boy was I wrong.

The minute the song started playing I nearly stepped on his feet twice already. The color rushed to my cheeks, but I managed to cover it up before Remus saw it. His hands were unusually soft, not what you would suspect for a werewolf. I have little baby hands, so his were much larger than mine. The song was calming and gentle; violins echoing in the background of the girl's quiet voice. It made me feel safe.

"I can't remember the last time I danced with someone."

I chuckled at his comment, "Me neither…it's been a long time." I replied, looking up at his scarred face. Now, here's the thing about Remus' scars; they weren't the scary, bloody scars that people have in movies. They were faded white scars that complemented his face very nicely, in my opinion. They didn't make him seem dangerous or scary at all.

"That surprises me…a young, charming woman like you hasn't danced with someone in a long time?"

Remus smiled softly down at me, the sparkle in his eyes shining brightly. He looked a little bit nervous to me, but I brushed it off.

"Anyone who hasn't danced with me is lucky; I'm dead clumsy and would probably break their foot a couple times."

Remus laughed and spun me around slowly; I was extremely careful not to step on his feet when I returned to his arms. "Well it looks to me that you're an excellent dancer." He said, motioning to my feet. I shook my head, "I'm just being extra careful today; wouldn't want another injury." I said, looking down at my sling. Our bodies were very close now, and I silently wondered if he felt the same energy I was feeling.

Remus had an amused look in his eyes when I glanced back up at him.

I couldn't help but smile as I studied his actions.

"I have a feeling no one else would want to see you get hurt again either."

We stared into each other's eyes, letting the rhythm of the music guide our feet. I had never noticed how thin Remus' face was; his cheeks were very hollow, like the kind girls wish they had. I didn't mind though…he was still very handsome in my opinion. _Did I just say that? _I thought to myself as Remus dipped me down close to the floor. I had never danced like this, even when I was at Hogwarts. It was always crazy and dangerous when I danced before, but now…in Remus' arms, I felt like I was as light as a feather.

Our stare did not break until the music ended.

We broke apart and looked at each other for a few seconds, neither of us saying anything. I studied the overjoyed look on his face as everyone around us was clapping for the band. I clapped a few times, but I was not actually paying attention to the band. I was just watching Remus smile down at me, the party lights reflecting off of his eyes.

"Well um…thank you for the dance!"

"Yeah! No problem!"

Sirius came stumbling over to the two of us, leaning on his friends shoulder.

"Isn't this a fun party Moony?! I'm having so much fun! Are you having fun?!"

Remus chuckled at his friend and patted him on the back. "I am actually Padfoot. This is the most fun I've had in a while." I noticed his eyes darted to me quickly when he said this. I smiled at him, then looked back at my drunk cousin. His eyes got wide when he looked at me, and he now came stumbling over to me. "Nymphadora! How are you!?" Sirius yelled loudly over the music. I rolled my eyes at him, "I'm outstanding Sirius…but if you call me Nymphadora one more time I'm gunna kick your ass." I threatened him. He only cackled and stumbled off to find someone else to bug.

Remus and I looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

"Was he like that when he was young?"

"Most of the time, yes. He was the life of the party."

I laughed as we made our way back to our corner that we had been standing by before I asked Remus to dance. George was sitting in a chair next to it now, looking extremely glum. I flashed him a smile when we made our way over there. "Wotcher George!" I greeted him, standing next to his chair. He faked a smile, "Hello Tonks. How are you?" he asked politely.

"I'm okay…how are you?"

We both knew what I meant by that, so George shrugged and looked away from my eyes.

"I'm good."

I knew he was lying by the look in his eyes, but I didn't press it anymore. I glanced at Remus, who had a concerned look on his face. He looked down at me, not sure what he should say. A very loud and obnoxious song came on, and I took the opportunity to cheer George up. I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of his chair.

"Come dance with me!"

A shine in George's eyes ignited as he followed me to the dance floor.

Remus P.O.V

Tonks pulled George up and took him to the dance floor.

I laughed as I finally saw Tonks dance like she must have when she was younger. Completely wild and out of control. George didn't seem to mind though, because he was laughing and smiling along with her. I felt a hint of jealously as they danced, but I quickly pushed it away. She was just trying to cheer him up; besides, it wasn't like we had anything anyways.

I knew this was a lie, but I brushed it off.

As I walked over to the Weasley's, I noticed that they too were watching Tonks and George dance. Molly had an amazed and shocked look on her face as George and Tonks spun around in circles. "George…that's the first time I've actually seen him smile in months!" She exclaimed, grabbing her husband's arm tightly. Arthur smiled at his wife and glanced over at his son. "Tonks is smiling too…it must be a very good night. It's been a while since I've seen her smile." he added, nodding at Tonks' grin.

Harry piped into the conversation.

"She was smiling when Remus danced with her!"

I froze as everyone looked at me with surprised looks on their faces.

"I didn't even see you two dance!"

Harry grinned at me as he crossed his arms across his chest. I smiled and nodded, "Yes, we danced once." I replied, looking directly at Harry. Sometimes I wondered if he was really James in disguise, playing a big prank on us. Molly smiled slyly at me, "Oh, I see." she said suspiciously, looking back at Tonks, who was now on George's back as he spun around in circles.

"She smiled at me when I saw her today."

We all looked at Ron confused.

"When did you see her Ron?"

Ron looked confused now, "I ran into her on the sidewalk today. You know, right by St. Mungo's?" he said, looking at everyone. Hermione nodded, "When she got out of the hospital you mean?" she suggested to her boyfriend. I must say, I wasn't the least bit surprised when they started dating after the war. I saw the way he looked at her in their third year.

"Tonks was in the hospital?!"

Harry rolled his eyes and chuckled his best friend.

"Yes Ron, remember? She was saving one of those Auror girls from a Death Eater?"

Ron still looked confused.

"No one tells me anything anymore!"

Everyone laughed at Ron's frustrated yell. I glanced over to see Tonks and George returning from their dance. They were both sweating and smiling, like they just had the time of their lives. "Hello everybody." George greeted, the happiest I've seen him in months. Tonks flashed a smile over at me as she slid over to stand by me. Molly smiled at her son, "Are you having fun dear?" she asked. George smiled, a real smile, and nodded.

"Yeah, I am actually. Have you seen Angelina? I've been wanting to talk to her."

"She's right over there talking to Mad-Eye Moody."

George hopped away towards the dark girl standing beside Mad-Eye. Tonks looked satisfied with herself as she sat down in the empty chair beside Harry. Hermione looked at her wide eyed, "You're amazing Tonks!" she said happily, looking back at George, who was now talking to Angelina. I looked down at Tonks, who simply smiled.

"Honestly! I haven't seen him smile like that in months!"

Dora shrugged and grabbed Harry's drink from him and drank most of it. "It wasn't me…I just showed him what it was like to have fun again." She said simply. Tonks really was extremely modest for her age; wouldn't even take responsibility for putting the light back into a teenage boy who's been depressed for months! I smiled down at her when she peered up at me.

"And did you have fun also?"

Tonks paused at my question, thinking for a second.

"I think I did."

Everyone smiled at Tonks, but none more than me.

Tonks P.O.V

I had fun.

I had fun for the first time in months.

It felt weird…not faking a smile. Not faking that I was okay. I felt relaxed and chill as I talked to the Weasley's for the rest of the night. I noticed Molly kept glancing at Remus and I the whole night; a curious look on her face. When the last song of the night came around, Harry and Ginny decided to dance, and so did Arthur and Molly. Hermione begged Ron to dance, and when he finally gave in, Remus and I were the only ones left sitting there.

"I should probably be getting home now."

Remus nodded and stood up with me.

"I'll make sure you get home safely."

I smiled at him as I grabbed my bloody leather jacket and slipped it over my shoulders. We walked down the hallway and into Sirius' office, where the Floo System was waiting. I grabbed the powder, handed some to Remus, then stepped into the fireplace. Within seconds we were inside my parents house.

It had been a few weeks since I had actually been in my parents' house. In fact, I had been avoiding going inside it all together. When I needed something from inside my room, I closed my eyes as I walked up the stairs. I couldn't bear to see all those pictures…all those memories all over again. The first time I came home from work, I walked up the stairs and just happened to look at the picture of all of us together.

Let's just say my pillow was soaked with tears that night.

Remus and I stepped out of the fireplace and brushed ourselves off a bit. I lit a candle so we could see clearer, not wanting to kick any of my mum's vases over or something. "Remember the last time we were here together?" I asked, turning back to Remus. He gave a small smile, a pained look in his eyes. "I do remember. You were just a girl back then." he joked, grinning at me. I gave him a fake glare and put my free hand on my hip.

"I was the same age I am now!"

"That may be true…but you were quite different then."

I knew he was right on the inside. I was a very angry and emotional girl those few days…anyone would be if they were in my position. In my opinion, I was still the same girl now, but I just hid it better. None of the less, I smiled back at Remus as he walked up beside me. "Not really…I just hide it better now." I confessed, looking away from his eyes.

Remus didn't really say anything for a while.

For a while we just kind of stood there, looking around the room. I saw his eyes stop at something outside, and he glanced over at me curiously.

"Why is there a mattress in the garden?"

"Oh um…I have trouble sleeping in here sometimes so sometimes I go outside."

I didn't even try to cover up the embarrassment this time. To my relief, Remus only laughed and stepped back into the fireplace. I gave him a little smile, hoping I hadn't scared him away by my odd sleeping patterns. It didn't appear to bother him at all, because he kept smiling politely at me.

"Well…thank you for your company tonight!"

"Anytime! Thanks for the um…dance."

Remus shyly smiled, making him look adorable.

"You're welcome…I hope you get well soon. Get lots of rest; I have a feeling there are going to be a lot more missions next week."

I smiled and nodded at the suggestion. "Thanks Remus. Have a good night!" I exclaimed a little too happily as he grabbed the powder.

He smiled at me brightly, "You too Dora."

He was gone in the blink of an eye.

I couldn't stop smiling as I got ready for bed. I was even still smiling when I brushed my teeth! When I finally laid down in my childhood bed that was still big enough for me, I had a good feeling I would sleep well tonight. I mean, I had actually had fun for the first time since the war! I should have no trouble sleeping what so ever.

As I laid my head on the soft cotton, my last thought was that I wish I had never closed my eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10-Nightmares**

**Tonks P.O.V**

_Darkness approaches, Lurking nearby,_

_Failed to hide away again,_

_hides grins of joy._

Have you ever had a nightmare over and over again?

I have.

It sucks.

Right as I laid my head down, I drifted into a deep, coma-like slumber. The first thing I remember seeing was my mum-not bloody, but normal. She was smiling and laughing, just like she used to always be before I became an Auror and started going on dangerous missions. We were in the house at the dinner table, just talking like any mother would with her daughter.

"Well, I'd better go fetch some water."

"Okay."

She exited the room while I set my feet up on the table.

It was happening all over again.

I heard a scream and a struggle outside. I jumped up from my seat and sprinted outside, the images clear in my mind as I dreamt. My mum was lying on the ground while Louis stood over her, teeth bared and claws out as far as they could go, blood amongst both of them. Her cries bounced off the trees and into my ears, heating up the horrible feelings that hadn't been alive since the war ended.

It was too late, just like the first time.

Louis ran off into the trees and out of my sight, while my mum lay drowning in her own pile of blood. My dead legs ran to her side, pushing that irritable piece of flesh that nearly made me vomit. Heart pounding out of my veins, I said those words again.

"It'll be okay mum…you're gunna be alright."

Lies, lies, and more lies.

The strange part about this nightmare, was that I remember being able to feel the feelings I felt at that moment, and thought those thoughts I was thinking in the moment. I also remember waking up, but not being able to clear the images from my head.

You know when you're so upset or angry that you cannot even control your own thoughts? They just keep spinning around and around so fast that you don't even have time to think about _not _thinking? Picture feeing that…for an entire night.

Back to the never-ending nightmare.

Those cursed words she huffed out of her final breaths. The gun…get the gun, my mind commanded me. The emotions of guilt and fear washed over me as I felt my numb legs drag themselves to the house. My shaking hands grabbed the gun; I faintly remember staring at the gun, disbelief filling my thoughts. This could not be happening…this all had to be a nightmare.

Putting the end of the gun to her sweating forehead, I slowly pushed my finger downwards…

BOOM!

My eyes shot open just like a bullet, the sweat and tears rolling down my face like a waterfall. Just like in the nightmare, my pulse was out of control and nearly ready to explode out of my skin. The sunrise was creeping in through my window; I think it might have been my mum trying to get me to calm down. Honestly though; how could I calm down when I had just relived the most dreadful and lugubrious night of my life?

"Calm down Tonks…it-it was just a nightmare."

I wasted the next hour of my life debating on whether I should check myself into St. Mungo's mental ward.

Remus P.O.V

The sun really was beautiful in the morning.

I woke up particularly early today, just so I could watch the sun rise over the hill above my cottage. It wasn't a huge cottage, but I liked it. Way out in the country, away from all the noise and people. As I walked over to the window in my bedroom, the sunlight reflected off something laying down on my dresser. Curious as to what was blinding me, I gently picked up the object.

It was a picture.

A picture of the Marauders.

Sirius and James, as usual, were making faces at the camera, while Peter and I laughed at them. If my memory was right, it had been Professor Slughorn who had taken the photo. I couldn't recall why, but I assumed it was some part of a prank that Padfoot and Prongs played on him later on. Everyone looked happy in the picture; all of us unaware what our future would hold.

How I wish I could go back…go back and warn Lily and James about Peter's betrayal. Think of how much pain I would have saved everyone! Harry would not be an orphan, Fred would not be dead, Prongs and Evans would be dead...and the most important of all; the second war would not have started. Surely we would have defeated Voldemort eventually if that night had not occurred.

I shook my head at myself as I stared at the picture. There was no way any of the past events could be redone- no matter how much I wished for it.

I set the picture back up on the dresser, then went to the kitchen.

There wasn't much to eat, since I hadn't been shopping in a while, but I managed to find some cereal in the cupboard. It was rather flavorless, but I didn't mind. Right as I was pouring the milk into my bowl, Sirius' owl came darting inside through the window, dropping the letter right into my bowl.

"Really?"

The black owl just stared at me, unsure what I was trying to say to him.

I sighed and flicked the envelope a bit, trying to shake the milk off the corner. When I finally managed to get it dry enough, I opened the letter and began reading.

_ Remus-_

_Sorry if the bird dropped this letter somewhere inconvenient. He tends to do that a lot. Anyway, I wrote this quick letter to you because I have a dilemma; I went to St. Mungo's today to get some pain medication for Buckbeak, whom Kreacher cut with the edge of a plate last week. Ungrateful little git, I know. As I waited for the nurse (who was quite attractive, might I add) to get the medicine, I happened to glance at the colorful note on her desk. It was a note to remind her to order some anti-depression pills. It was not a big deal, until I saw who the medicine was for._

_Tonks._

_The nurse caught me looking at it, but I managed to sweet talk her so she forgot all about it. But Remus…I am worried about this. Tonks is not one to be depressed; there must be something seriously wrong with her brain if she is starting to rely on depression pills. I know Tonks, and she doesn't rely on anything unless she is desperate._

_Could you be a pal and figure out why she's using them?_

_I've seen the way you two glance at each other every now and then…I'm sure it would make you two come together even more if you talked to her about this ;) _

_Padfoot_

I rolled my eyes at the last sentence. Typical Padfoot; notices everything, even if he's drunk as a skunk.

Tonks…on depression pills? I thought to myself as I folded the letter back up. Even I had never been on depression pills…and trust me, I have been depressed most of the last fifteen years of my life. Sirius, it appeared, was correct; Tonks wasn't this person. It was almost as if the memory of that night was haunting her mind- not letting her forget.

Knowing Tonks needed me caused me to jump up, forgetting all about my breakfast, grab my coat and head out the door.

Tonks P.O.V

"Tonks!"

The next thing I reminisce is someone shaking my shoulder, trying to wake me up.

"Tonks come on, wake up!"

Was that Remus?

Forcing my eyes to open, my blurry vision managed to make out Remus' dark brown eyes. The first thing I was clearly able to make out was the hint of anger in his eyes. He firmly sat me up, glancing around the room. "What are you trying to do Tonks?" he asked my quietly, picking up one of the many fire whiskey bottles lying on the floor.

Everything was getting clearer now, including my memory.

"I…I couldn't…"

The words wouldn't come out right and I found myself having trouble to breath. Remus helped me up and led me towards the open window, which I probably opened a few hours earlier. It was freezing cold in the living room, where I must have moved last night, but yet I felt like I was inside a erupting volcano. When we finally made it to the window, I stuck my head outside, feeling the cool breeze blowing onto my heated skin.

My chest cleared as I took a deep breath, breathing in the chemicals from nature. I noticed Remus staring at me, an upset and worried look in his eyes.

"What?"

"What?" he repeated, looking at me like I was crazy. (Who knows, maybe I really am crazy.) "Tonks, you ordered anti-depression pills from St. Mungo's, you've barely smiled at all in the past few weeks, and there's at least six bottles of fire whiskey on your floor." Remus said firmly, the fire in his eyes making me look away from him.

Sure, maybe I had been so delirious that I chugged down a few fire whiskeys and almost froze myself to death, but that didn't mean…

Okay, there is definitely something wrong with me.

Avoiding his eyes, I walked back over and sat down on the sofa. Scratch marks I hadn't noticed before appeared on my arms, probably from all the thrashing around I did while I dreamt last night. Remus came down and sat beside me, the anger replaced by fear on his facial expressions. He laid a hand on my shaking one, peering into my eyes.

"Dora…please tell me what's going on inside that head of yours. I want to help you, I really do…but I just don't know how I can help you if I don't know what's wrong myself."

The nickname Dora caught my attention right away, so I had no choice but to listen to what he had to say. How could I tell him what was wrong if I didn't even know what was wrong myself? I asked myself, watching the desperation flash in his eyes. I glanced at the empty bottles on the floor, remembering all the events of last night. I have to tell someone…maybe I wouldn't be so crazy if I just got it all off my chest. Taking my eyes away from Remus, I started to try and explain what was buzzing around inside my brain.

"I can't…my mind…I can't calm down Remus. My brain just keeps reliving that night _over_ and _over _again and I can't stop it. No matter how hard I try my mind just-keeps going. I can't even stop to think about trying not to think!"

Remus was paying close attention as the tears started conflagrating out of my eyes.

"I spent the last eight hours of my life having the same nightmare. Do you know what it's like to see your own mother die over and over again?" I choked, the lump in my throat getting bigger. I didn't even care if he saw me crying anymore; I just didn't care about anything anymore. "I could be freezing to death and I wouldn't know it because my emotions are making me feel like I'm burning alive. I just don't…I don't know what else to do Remus!" I exclaimed, nearly choking out my lungs.

Greif took over my entire body as I fell into his arms.

They were both gone forever. They were not coming back and I was stuck here with their memories everywhere. The pictures on the shelves would mock me for as long as I live. Their scents would fill my nose every time I walked past their bedroom. There was no escaping it; death was literally everywhere. Remus wrapped his strong arms around me, cradling my head on his chest.

To make me feel even worse, I felt guilty that he had to deal with a broken-down girl like me.

"I-I'm so s-sorry you had to-"

"Don't apologize for your feelings Dora." Remus said tenderly, stroking my hair with his hand. His words almost gave me comfort; I could slowly feel my mind slowing down to a normal level. He touched my chin so I would look up at him. "We're going to figure this out together okay? You're not in this alone…I hope you know that." Remus added, an extremely caring look in his eyes.

I was reminded of a poem as I laid my head back onto his chest.

_His voice is the key,_

_The key to clearing the soul,_

_The truth stings you like a bee,_

_But helps you out of the hole,_

_Capturing the self-control._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11-Wizard Therapy **

**Remus P.O.V**

"Tonks…wake up."

I glanced down at Tonks, who had fallen asleep on my chest, the dark circles still visible underneath her eyes. It was quite a sad sight to see her eyes flutter open, the tiredness and fatigue still in her expression. "What time is it?" she asked quietly, sitting up on the couch. I had draped a blanket over her so she wouldn't be cold when she woke up.

I peered at my watch, "About five in the afternoon."

Tonks sighed and closed her eyes again, leaning against the backrest of the couch. "Do you feel a little better?" I asked curiously, noticing in the past hours that she had not woken up once. Tonks shrugged and pulled the blanket over her a little more, "Surprisingly pretty well…I think that's the most I've slept in weeks." She replied, giving me a small smile.

"Well that's good! I mean, not good that you haven't slept in weeks, but good that you-um, finally got some sleep!"

I was stuttering terribly, although I have no idea why.

Tonks chuckled, to my delight, and looked at the warm cotton cloth surrounding her strong body. I swallowed nervously, wondering if she had minded that I laid that blanket on her. "Oh, I put that on you last night. You seemed cold and I didn't think that would help your-condition." I explained quickly, standing up from the couch. Tonks just smiled and nodded at me, "Oh…well thank you for your concern." She said.

I looked away from her smile, trying to find anything I could look at to avoid her stare.

Tonks stood up behind me and laid the blanket back down.

"You can leave now if you would like…I'm sorry I got you drug into all this. I'm fine now."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Somehow I don't believe that."

I walked towards her, observing the look on her distressed face. Her perfect features were still visible, but just a little hidden from the worry lines. "Tonks," I started out. "Perhaps you should stay with Sirius for a while. Just until you figure things out." I suggested to the young, courage-filled girl in front of me. If she stayed here, I feared she would just become a lonely drunk or kill herself or something. I didn't want that.

Tonks looked at the carpet, pondering my thought. "Living with him isn't that bad," I joked. "Trust me, he's in a better mood now that the war is over and everyone is safe. Plus, Harry comes every weekend, and a lot of the Order members pop in unexpectedly. So it isn't like it would be just you two." I informed her, hinting a smile at her.

She grinned a bit and sighed, starting to walk away from me. "Alright…I guess that could be cool." Tonks said, heading up the stairs. I smiled, happy that she agreed, and ran up the stairs after her, new energy that I had not felt since my teen years filling up my body. "I'll help you pack!" I said after her, following her into her room.

I was happy for two reasons; One, because Tonks would get good help and the security she needed.

Two; because I would be making a lot of trips to Sirius' place now.

Tonks P.O.V

It's so odd to me how things change so quickly.

A few hours ago, I was having a mental breakdown, and now I was blocks away from Sirius' house. I had asked Remus if we could walk, since I needed the fresh air anyways. (Since I happened to be still hungover from this morning. He agreed and we spent the next hour walking to my cousin's house.

"I can carry those Remus, you don't have to baby me."

I attempted to take my luggage from him, but he held it away from me.

"You're hungover, exhausted and depressed Tonks; do you really think so low of me that I would make you carry your own luggage?"

I chuckled and flashed him a smile. "You're too nice Remus," I told him, making him look over at me curiously. "I mean, you're so nice to everyone! Even when people treat you like shit; I don't understand how you do it." I said thoughtfully, noticing the slight redness creep to his face. I had never seen Remus blush before, but it sure was adorable.

"I don't know…what to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything Remus. Just accept the complement."

I smiled over at him as he peered over at me. "Thank you, your feedback is much appreciated." Remus replied, making me laugh. I couldn't even begin to describe how good it felt in my stomach to laugh. My stomach had taken a beating lately; all that holding in tears and sobs damaged it a little. Remus was smiling at me, and when I looked into his radiant eyes, a flare of voltage shot through my chest.

He broke the stare and looked at the old building we had approached.

"Home sweet home."

Sirius P.O.V

"Master, the filthy half-breed-"

"Kreacher!"

"Werewolf is here sir."

I shot the ungrateful little house elf a glare and jogged towards the black door. I so desperately wanted to get out of this house, but Harry had convinced me that there was a lot of history here and that we could just redecorate it. Did I agree? No. But I would do anything that let me spend time with my godson, so I didn't care about it so much anymore.

I opened the door to see Moony and Tonksie standing there.

"Long time no see friends! Come in!"

I let them inside the house of torture and closed the door, wondering what brought them here. What surprised me more and rose my suspicions of Remus' little crush on Tonks, was the fact that they came here _together. _When I looked at my little cousin, I realized that my earlier suspicions about her were right; she was clearly depressed. The bags under her eyelids and the paleness of her face showed that.

"What brings you lot here?"

Remus was the first to speak up.

"Well…I figured since Tonks is going through a tough time right now, that she could use some family and friend time. So I told her she could stay with you, here."

Typical Moony, I thought to myself. Always putting other's health before his own. It was like that when we were in school too; even with his "furry little problem" he still put our problems before his. It shocked me really…that was why James and I always admired him.

I smiled down at my pink-haired relative and messed up her a hair a bit.

"Any cousin that isn't a Malfoy is welcomed here."

They both laughed and I made quick eye contact with Remus, sending him a silent message that said "we need to talk". Tonks was already peering around the hallway, apparently not remembering looking at all the Black family members on the wall when the Order used to meet here all the time. "Tonks, why don't you follow Kreacher up the stairs and to your new room!" I suggested, seeing Kreacher creep around the corner, eavesdropping on our conversation.

"Kreacher, take her to the empty room at the end of the hallway. If you even think about trying to poison her mind with secrets of the Black family, I'll skin you alive and sell your body parts to Mundungus Fletcher!"

He bowed and motioned for Tonks to follow him up the stairs. Tonks smiled when she saw Kreacher; I knew how much of a kick she got out of the stupid git. As soon as she was out of sight, Remus and I headed to the kitchen so we could talk. I got out two glasses of brandy and handed him one, sitting down at the old table.

"What happened? What did you find out?"

Moony sat down across from me, a sour look in his usual cheerful eyes.

"I went to Tonks' house and found her nearly passed out from drinking fire whiskey all morning."

Tonks had always been one to drink a few fire whiskeys at a party, but I never thought she would drink so much she would almost pass out. I rubbed my temple and shook my head at my cousin's actions. "What happened after you woke her up?" I asked, curious as to what they had did for the past seven hours of the day. Remus took a drink of his brandy, "I managed to get her to tell me what's wrong…but after that she just broke down crying. I did my best to comfort her. After that she just fell asleep." he explained.

"What did you do then?"

Remus shrugged, "Well I couldn't move her, since she fell asleep on me, so I just tried to make her as comfortable as possible."

"Ah Remus…you always were the kind to put other's well being before your own."

My friend smiled at my words, folding his hands on the table.

"Anyway…she didn't wake up the entire time. I think that's the thing most damaging her. She told me that was the most she has slept in weeks."

I frowned at this news, knowing how important sleep was. That was what I did in my time in Azkaban most of the time. It paid off in the end too; I escaped. Anyway, back to my poor cousin.

"Is that night bothering her so much that she cannot sleep at night?"

"Well…it sounded like to me, that Tonks' mind won't allow her to sleep. It keeps constantly reminding her of what she did that night. She mentioned something about not even being able to think about not thinking."

Remus looked extremely concerned about my cousin, which caused me to grin a little. He looked at me suspiciously and raised an eyebrow. "What are you smirking at?" Moony asked, his own mouth nearly creeping into a smile. I shook my shaggy hair, "Nothing dear Moony," I said. "Tell me more about Tonks and yours' little adventure." Remus rolled his eyes sassily and drank the rest of his brandy.

"She needs help Sirius…I mean it. It's gunna take time, but I think we can return her to the way she was before."

Hearing the SIRIUSness in his voice, I realized he was right. Tonks was the only family I had left now; I couldn't let her slip away. "Would you help me old friend?" I asked hopefully. Remus smiled at me, "Of course I will Padfoot." he answered. It might have been just me, but it appeared that he was overly-happy to be helping with Tonks. I decided that it was time to have a little fun with it.

"On a happier term- does Tonks know?"

"Know what?"

"About your little crush?"

The sassy Remus returned and rolled his eyes at me. "Come off it Sirius. I'm like what-thirteen years older than her?!" he said, picking up his cup and laying it in the sink. I grinned at him, "So you don't deny it?" I asked, noticing he only came up with an excuse of how they couldn't be together; he didn't deny that he had a crush on her.

Once Remus realized this, he sighed.

"I think Tonks is a very likable and funny girl."

"Not to mention hot."

I winked at my friend, enjoying the teasing I had not done to him in so long. He knew it was true; my cousin got her good looks from my side of the family. The high cheek bones, the mysterious eyes…even the body figure came from our side! Remus looked at me, then looked around the room, trying to avoid my eyes as he nodded.

"I suppose you could say she is…agreeable."

"She's more than agreeable and you know it Remus."

I poked him in the ribs and barked out my hearty laugh.

"You like her Remus! Admit it!"

My friend rolled his eyes again and started to walk out of the room.

"Nice to know you haven't changed Padfoot."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 11-Midnight Memories**

**Tonks P.O.V**

Now, I know that eavesdropping is wrong and everything, but am I sure glad I eavesdropped on Remus's and Sirius's conversation.

I was standing around the corner of the room, pretending to be looking at all the creepy paintings in the hallway. As I stood there in awe at what Remus had said, Kreacher startled me from behind. "You must have the good Black family genes," he whispered in that sketchy voice of his. "Listening to people's conversations like that." He smirked at me, and I can honestly say it looked like a murderer's smile right before he slit someone's throat.

"Gee thanks Kreacher."

I rolled my eyes at him, turning back to see Remus walking out of the kitchen doorway. He hadn't seen me yet, so I quickly bolted around and ran up the stairs quietly to my bedroom. The last thing I needed was things being awkward between Remus and I; he was the only one I could talk to and not feel like I was crazy. I left the door partly open and sat down on the rusty bed, trying to make it look like I had never moved.

The room was a very dark and un-happy place to sleep in. I felt like there was eyes everywhere, watching my every move. There hadn't even been a bed in it when I got here a couple minutes ago, but Kreacher moved one in, along with a nightstand. It was slightly ironic to me how everything in the house was black; I silently wondered if they did that on purpose. Dust covered the entire room while part of the south wall looked like someone had punched it a few times too many. Patches covered it and I was pretty sure there was even a blood stain or two on it.

A knock came at the door, and Sirius and Remus popped their heads inside.

"Are you all settled in?"

"Yeah."

Sirius got a shadowed look on his face when he glanced around the room.

"This is probably the lightest room in the entire house. I'll get you some paint that isn't so…dark, the next time Harry and I go to Diagon Alley."

"Thanks Sirius."

He gave me a smile and took one last look at the room before walking out. I watched Remus glance around the dull room, obviously not very impressed. "Now I see why they call themselves Blacks." I joked, motioning around the room. I remembered what I had heard from Remus's mouth only minutes earlier; it made me smile. He chuckled, "It's nice to you joke again." Remus replied, giving me a small, but bright smile. I smiled shyly back, then looked at the ground.

I remember when I used to joke around and have fun. Hell, when I was in school I used to be the class clown! I had been in my Auror training too…but all that stopped when the war started. Everything was serious, and it took a toll on my personality. That, and my dad being killed by Snatchers. That was really the turning point in my life; I realized that this could be the end. People were dying everywhere I looked, and pretty soon I knew, one of them could be me.

"Well, I have to get back to the Ministry, but I'll come visit you often. Send me an owl if you ever need someone to talk to, okay?"

I looked back up at his scarred face and smiled.

"Okay. Thanks for everything Remus. Really, it means a lot."

His white teeth stood out like Voldemort standing in a crowd of goblins.

"You're welcome Tonks. See you very soon I hope."

I couldn't help but feel a little sad when he walked out of my room. I felt like I had put him in many awkward positions with all my breakdowns and stuff. As I sat there contemplating going to work tomorrow just so I could see Remus, Kreacher came creeping in like a little rat. I nearly killed him when he coughed to get my attention.

I whipped out my wand and pointed it right at his crooked nose.

"Dinner is served Nymphadora Tonks."

I still wanted to kill him even when I did get calmed down from him scaring the shit out of me. No one calls me Nymphadora; especially not a little git like Kreacher.

I glared directly down at him, "You know Kreacher, I don't usually get mad at people, but you're really pushing it by creeping up on me all the time and calling me by my first name. If you-"

"Used to."

I looked down at his wrinkly face, wondering what he was blabbering about.

"What?"

His squinty little eyes peered up at me, a spark of devil in his pupils.

"You used to not get angry with people Nymphadora Black. But now that you have no family left, I'm afraid you are just as vulnerable as the rest."

Did that little twit really just say that to me? I asked myself, staring at the house elf. I couldn't even begin to say a comeback, because I had no idea how to respond to that. So I did the only thing I had learned how to do during my time at Hogwarts; I grabbed him by the collar, opened the wardrobe door and shoved him inside. My finishing touch was a locking charm, which could only be unlocked by a wand, which house elves didn't own.

He immediately started yelling filthy things and screaming for me to let him out, but I simply just walked out of the room and went down for dinner.

Sirius P.O.V

Dinner was quiet.

Not the awkward quiet you get when you're sitting across from your enemy, but a nice, comfortable quiet. I asked a few questions about Tonks' adventures as an Auror, but the conversation quickly died. She said the food was good and then went right back up to her room. I know Remus told me to communicate with her and try to get her to laugh, but I really didn't think she wanted to talk at the moment. I could tell she had a lot of things on her mind.

I had went to bed shortly after her, but awoke to the sound of yelling around midnight.

I immediately thought it was Tonks, so being the protective cousin I was, I jumped right out of bed and ran to her room, wand at the ready.

But Tonks was nowhere to be found.

"Kreacher?"

I recognized the screams as I got closer to the bouncing wardrobe. I unlocked it and out fell Kreacher, who looked very distressed and insulted. "Kreacher, what happened to Tonks?" I asked quickly, not caring about if he was alright or not. He really was a terrible elf; not to mention creepy and sinister. His slit eyes glared up at me angrily, "Dreadful good-for-nothing cousin locked me up in that cursed wardrobe." He grumbled, his small fists clenched tightly.

Tonks locked Kreacher in a closet?

I started laughing like a mad-man, making my house elf even more upset then he was before. His little legs carried him out of the room before I could tease him about it. I always knew my cousin had some of my humor in her! I thought as I made my way downstairs, still laughing. The kitchen light was on and some clattering was going on, so I assumed it was Tonks.

"So what's this I hear about you locking Kreacher in a wardrobe?"

My cousin was sitting at the table with a glass of brandy sitting in front of her. Tonks grinned a little, "He's a snitchy little booger, isn't he?" she replied, taking a sip from her mug with the hand that wasn't in a sling. I chuckled and nodded as I sat down across from her. "That, and many other strange things." She smiled at my comment and looked down at her cup. I had noticed that about her lately; she didn't make eye contact with people very well anymore. It was almost as if she looked at them, she would be attached to them. Attachment can be very dangerous in some cases.

"Sirius…will you tell me something?"

"Anything dear cousin."

She looked up, a nervous look in her mysterious eyes.

"How did Remus get bitten?"

I can say I was a little pleased that Tonks asked about Moony, but I didn't like the subject so much. Would he want me to tell her about this? I questioned in my head. Perhaps he wanted to tell her himself, but the look on Tonks' face made me know I couldn't resist. After getting up and pouring myself a glass of brandy, I started to tell my best friend's story.

"Well…in short terms, Remus's father insulted a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback. Now you have to understand that Greyback is a very terrible and just plain gruesome werewolf; not like Remus at all. Anyway, Greyback decided that instead of taking out his rage on Remus's father himself, he would take it out on his son: Remus, who I might mention was younger than the age of eleven when this happened."

Tonks already had a horrified look on her face, and I wasn't even to the worst part.

"He was only a little boy?"

I nodded at the terrible memory of Remus telling James, Peter and I the story of how he got bit. I remembered feeling like I was going to throw up after he explained it to us in detail…but we all had agreed that we were not going to abandon someone so extravagant as Remus. We would help our friend through the tough times, no matter what he was.

"Indeed. One night, Fenrir creeped into Remus's bedroom window and attacked him. Remus said he got bitten a total of twenty times, in numerous places. Now you have to remember that there was no wolfs bane potion back then. Turning into a werewolf was painful enough as it is; but it was even worse for someone so young."

I considered stopping the story as Tonks's face got even paler, but she motioned for me to continue on.

"Remus was in the hospital for a very long time. His parents did everything they could to help him, but there wasn't much they could do. Eventually he recovered, but still had the terrible price his father had cost him; he was now a werewolf."

The look on Tonks's face was the same as when I had saw her in jail. Her eyes had tears in them, while the dark bags were still under her eyelids, and her skin was paler than a ghost's. None of the less, I had a strong feeling that this information would strengthen her relationship with Remus. If not well…I guess it would all be my fault.

"That's awful…how…how did he turn out to be such a good person then? Surely he didn't have many friends when he was very young; him being a werewolf and all."

"He grew up a very lonely little boy; that is, until he came to Hogwarts and met the greatest and most handsome men in the whole Wizarding world!"

I grinned at her, knowing she understood what I meant. My cousin rolled her eyes, "I'm sure you were a great influence on him." She replied, giving me a smile. I laughed, "Nah, Remus was more the responsible one…we just taught him how to loosen up and have fun." Tonks smiled a bit, taking another sip of her brandy. She appeared to be thinking very hard about what I had said. I just silently hoped she didn't think so much she exploded again; it had been a very long time since I had comforted someone, and I would hate to bother Remus this late.

"Anyway…I guess he just wanted to get people to like him. Werewolves were resented from the Wizarding World until now. It was very hard to get jobs back then if you were one of them, so I assume he wanted to make people see past all of that."

Tonks seemed to understand now. She didn't look so upset about this information like she had been before. I glanced over at the ticking clock, and seeing that it was nearly one in the morning, I stood up from my chair and headed towards the door.

"You'll have to ask him if you would like to know more."

I winked at her, getting a smile to creep out of her mouth.

"Thanks cous. Goodnight."

"Right back at you Tonksie."

I started to walk out of the room when I remembered something.

"Hey Tonks, what color do you want for your new room?"

She thought for a second, "Light blue."

I had expected her to say pink, since that was one of her favorite colors.

"Why light blue?"

Tonks looked over at me and smiled.

"Because it's the color of the moon."

Tonks P.O.V

After I heard Remus's story, I wanted to cry.

I knew it wouldn't help anything, since that time was long past us, but I couldn't help it. That was an awful tragedy that should not have happened to someone as kind as Remus. He was so young…so innocent. What kind of a monster did that just because someone insulted him?! I didn't understand it at all. Suddenly, I had even more respect for Remus than I had before.

He had fought through all the prejudice and hurt he had dealt with since he was a little boy. Now look at him! He was one of the most respected Aurors and Ministry officers in the whole Wizarding World! It was incredible to me that he could pull through all of that. This made me feel a little better.

When I finally felt a little tired, I went back up to my room and laid down in bed, looking up at the pitch black ceiling.

I thought of an old poem that reminded me of what I saw. Top of Form

\Bottom of Form_Top of_

_Bottom of For__Dark night, dark soul, fighting for a place on this earth,_

Dark feelings, dark road, I'm trying to figure it out.

I'm losing myself on this dark road, in this dark night,

I'm a creation of dark feelings, I have a dark soul.

Dark day, dark mind, I'm trying to hide the pain,

Dark love, dark road, I'm craving him, but he's away.

I'm losing myself on this dark road, in this dark day,

I'm a creation of a dark love, I have a dark mind.

Dark future, dark past, I'm broken by all the things,

Dark imagination, dark road, I'm an insane, lost creature.

I'm losing myself in this dark road, for a dark future,

I'm a creation of a dark imagination, I have a dark past.

Dark night, dark soul, dark feelings, dark road,

Dark day, dark mind, dark love, dark road,

Dark future, dark past, dark imagination, dark road.

It depends on the dark if it will let me breathe.

** Flavia Karina Ernst****Top of Form**

**Sorry about all the stupid message things at the end…my computer is the stupidest computer in the whole world. I want my laptop back. Thanks for all the great feedback!: ) LOVE YOU ALL**


	13. Chapter 13

**Anyone willing to give me like, $300 so I can buy a new laptop? :p**

**haha hope you're liking the story so far!**

**Chapter 12-The Lies**

**Tonks P.O.V**

I woke up to the sound of someone opening my door.

My eyes shot open as I sat upright, looking towards the half open door. My hand reached for my wand on the bookshelf beside me, ready for someone to come running in, their goal to kill me. The door stayed half open, everything quiet. The only thing you could hear throughout the whole house was my breathing. Just when I thought that they had gone, Kreacher poked his head through the door.

"Kreacher!"

"I was just coming to inform you that Master Sirius is at Diagon Alley with Mr. Potter today. He said he would come back with your paint in a bit."

He scowled at me as he started to walk out of my room.

"Wait Kreacher."

I got up and walked over to the small house elf, seeing the hatred in his eyes. "I'm sorry I locked you in that wardrobe." I apologized, not liking that Kreacher probably hated me now. "I was just upset, that's all." I explained, referring to how the simplest things ticked me off now. Kreacher didn't look so convinced that I was actually sorry; I wasn't really, I just didn't need someone who had access to dark magic hating me. To assure him that I was "sorry", I held out my hand for him to shake.

"Friends?"

Kreacher looked at my hand suspiciously.

"Acutances."

I smiled as he walked out of the dark room, leaving me to myself. The bed was messy and a few of the pillows were on the ground, which was strange because I actually slept very well last night. Knowing that I would have to paint this room in a few hours, I started to clean up and push everything to the center of the room. Maybe I should paint the shelves and such a different colors also, I thought to myself. Black didn't exactly match light blue; they were opposites.

My thoughts about the colors of the room were interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

I didn't think Kreacher would answer, so I ran downstairs to answer the door. I was a little surprised, but happy, to see who was standing there.

"Remus?"

"Good morning Tonks! I have some paint here for you."

He seemed to be in a very cheery mood, which made me smile. I let him inside just as Kreacher was walking downstairs. As soon as he saw him, he got a disgusted look on his face, so I stepped in front of Remus before he could say anything. "Kreacher, why don't you go clean Buckbeck's room?" I suggested quickly, nodding up to the stairs. He grumbled something about half-breeds and then trudged upstairs.

I turned back to Remus with a smile.

"I thought Sirius was going to bring that paint back."

"He was going to…but then he ran into me at Diagon Alley, so I said that I would take it to you, since he hasn't seen Harry in a long time. They could use some Godson/Godfather time."

I chuckled as we made our way upstairs, turning left to my room. It was probably a little bit awkward for him, because I was still in my pajamas and everything. Slightly embarrassed, I ran up the stairs a little faster. I know I had just seen Remus yesterday, but I was so glad to see him. It was also a little sad though…because now I know all the hell he went through as a child. I wanted to ask him about what it was like, but I thought better of it. Remus set the paint down and looked around the room.

"So where should we start?"

I looked over at him confused, "What do you mean, _we?"_

He looked over at me and smiled, "Well you didn't think I would let a one handed person paint her entire room all by herself, did you?"

I laughed and looked down at my left arm, which happened to be a little sore from lying on it last night.

"I guess not. Let's start right here."

We broke open the cans of paint and got to work.

There was a comfortable silence as Remus and I painted over the black walls. We didn't talk a lot, but there was no weirdness between us or anything. It was nice not having to worry about talking or striking up a conversation all the time, like I usually had to do with normal people. I peered over at Remus, who was painting away with a small smile on his pale face. I wished I could be like him. Strong, independent, determined. Why couldn't I be like that? I wondered, not realizing that I was staring at him.

He looked over at me, a curious smile on his handsome face.

"What?"

I shook my head and turned my attention back to the wall.

"Nothing."

"Bet you never thought you would be painting walls with a werewolf, huh?"

I laughed when I realized he was just teasing me.

"I can honestly say I have never even thought that I would paint walls one day."

Now it was Remus's time to laugh as he dipped his paint brush back into the can. "I can see that…you're not even properly dressed to paint walls!" He said, motioning to my attire. I rolled my eyes and smiled at his comment, "Well excuse me if I just woke up an hour ago!" I replied, grinning up at him. Remus smiled brightly down at me, then got a little bit more serious.

"Did you sleep well last night? I mean, I know how important it is to get sleep when you're depressed."

I looked over at my friend curiously.

"You do?"

Remus looked away from my gaze and turned back to the now colorful wall.

"Have you ever been depressed Remus?"

Remus paused for a moment before glancing over at me. He had an unsure look on his face, like he didn't know whether or not he should answer that. I gave him a small and encouraging smile, hoping he would tell me. "I was, at one time." Remus responded, pressing a little harder on the wall with the brush. I went back to my painting as well, but continued the conversation.

"Why? If you don't mind me asking."

Remus got a shadowy look on his scarred face.

"It was right after James and Lily were killed…the same day that Sirius got sent to Azkaban and Peter vanished from the face of the Earth. The months following that tragedy…I was not the same man I am now."

I watched the expression on his face change from upset and sad to distant and consolidated. I couldn't imagine what I would do if my best friends were killed; I was already a mess as it was! That would just seal the deal of me being depressed and lonely for the rest of my life. It still amazed me how strong Remus was..even after all these years.

"How did you do it?"

Remus looked over at me.

"Like, just look at me; I haven't had anything like that happen to me and I'm still a mess. How did you deal with…everything that happened?"

He gave me a smile and set the paintbrush down. He sat down and I followed his example, wanting to know how I could be like him.

"It wasn't easy, I can tell you that Tonks. Every day was a new feeling; a new feeling of abandonment…dispirited…every bad feeling you can think of. I felt it in those months. Eventually, I realized that sitting around crying about it wouldn't do anything to bring them back, so I just pushed my feelings aside and tried to get my life together."

"How did that work out?"

Remus chuckled and sighed deeply at my question.

"Not great; werewolves weren't exactly welcomed into the society back then. I couldn't have a job for more than two months before my employees figured out what I was."

He looked back over at me, a sullen look on his face. It hurt me to think of how much pain and suffering he had gone through his whole life. Someone as kind and…perfect as Remus should not have to go through stuff like that. Of course now, werewolves were accepted more; all because of Remus and his part in the war. It didn't really matter though, because most of the werewolves were killed in the war. The one's that weren't live underground and refuse to come up to the surface.

I laid my hand over top of his, making him look over at me.

Remus P.O.V

"I'm sorry you had to go through that Remus."

Tonks looked up at me with a sad, but encouraging look on her face. I stared into her dark eyes, noticing a hint of sadness that I hadn't noticed before. How could I have been so blind! Of course Tonks was still sad. Sure she was smiling more and making jokes, but I should have seen the depression still lurking in her eyes. Her soft, delicate hand felt good on my large, rough one. It sent a chilling feeling through my body.

"Thank you Tonks…that means a lot to me."

A new feeling erupted inside of me when Tonks smiled up at me.

Of course, that feeling was interrupted.

Kreacher came waddling into Tonks' room with a scowl on his face.

"Miss Tonks…Mad-Eye Moody is at the door. He wishes to speak with Remus."

I quickly got up and walked out of the room, trying to figure out what had happened back there. Tonks and I had connected, it seemed. This feeling was new to me, as I had never been in love before. I nearly tripped down the stairs when I realized what I had just thought. Mad-Eye Moody was standing in the doorway, offering me a distraction from my thoughts.

"Hello Mad-Eye. What brings you here?"

He snorted and looked around the dark hallway, apparently not liking the décor.

"I didn't want to be the one to have to do this to you Remus, but we have a situation."

I raised an eyebrow at my good friend, wondering what was happening.

"What's going on?"

"It would seem that some of your little pack members want to be like their idol."

I didn't understand what Moody was trying to say, so I continued to stare at him blankly.

"You Remus." he said, rolling his mechanical eye at me. "Oh." I replied, shifting uncomfortably. I didn't have a pack as far as I was concerned. "Anyway, they've taken it among themselves to try and capture some of the remaining Death Eaters." Mad-Eye informed me, a grouchy look on his wrinkled face. "They killed three innocent people that had nothing to do with Death Eaters what-so-ever Remus." He said, getting to the point.

"What do you want me to do about it? Surely they won't listen to me!"

"Well the Ministry wants you to try Remus. Now I know it's a lot to ask but you'd be saving us a lot of trouble if we didn't have to arrest a group of werewolves."

I thought of Tonks for a second; what would she think of this? Would she survive a few days without me? Could I survive a few days knowing that she needed someone to talk to? What if she forgot about me?

"Well? Will you do it Remus?"

I swallowed and looked back at the stairs leading to Tonks' room.

"Okay."

I turned back to Mad-Eye, who handed me a sheet of paper with all the information on it. "Here's the information; tell us when you leave so we can send someone in if you're gone for too long. Good luck Remus." He said, patting me on the shoulder hard. Just before he walked out, Tonks came down the stairs, to my unhappiness. Moody smirked as he looked Tonks up and down, "Nice pajamas Nymphadora." Mad-Eye commented, making her roll her eyes.

"Wotcher Mad-Eye."

She looked at us suspiciously as we stood there awkwardly, not saying anything.

"So what's going on?"

Mad-Eye glanced over at me, silently asking me if he should tell her. "I'll leave Remus to tell you that." He said, shoving me under the gutter. I gave him weak smile as he walked out of the Black House, leaving Tonks and I alone. What had I gotten myself into?! I didn't look at Tonks as I tried to walk past her, only for her to push me back with her hand on my chest.

"Remus, what's going on? Is someone hurt?"

"Everyone's fine Tonks, don't worry."

"Well then what's the matter?"

How was I going to tell her this? I asked myself, peering down at the desperate look on her beautiful face. "I have a mission for the Ministry, that's all." I said, not completely lying. Her expression calmed a little bit, "Oh. What's the mission?" she asked curiously. I bit my lip a little bit, wondering if I should tell her the dangers I was about to put myself in.

"Uh, well, I'm just going to talk to some werewolves, that's all. Nothing to worry about."

She didn't seem entirely convinced, but she didn't press it.

"I see…how long are you going to be gone?"

I could hear the fear in Tonks' voice as I looked down at her. Worry stretched across her face, and for a second she reminded me of myself. I gave her a small smile, "Not very long. Few days maybe." I answered, knowing it was a lie. I would be gone for at least a week, if not longer. Werewolves were the type of people to disappear for a few days when someone wanted to talk to them. It normally took me a few days to find them again. I had a very bad feeling inside of me that said it was not going to work out well.

Tonks brightened up a little bit and smiled, "Oh…when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow maybe. I probably have to leave now so I can get some more information."

To my surprise, Tonks wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. I slowly put my arms around her torso and hugged her back, my heart beating rapidly. "Get back safe, you hear?" Tonks said, stepping back and giving me a smile. I couldn't help but smile back down at her, "I will; See you soon Tonks. Don't drive Sirius too crazy." I joked, opening the door that lead outside.

"Oh I will."

I chuckled sadly and took one last long look at Tonks.

"Goodbye Tonks."

"Goodbye Remus."

**More action coming, I promise!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry I haven't updated in a few days…I've had basketball games almost alllllll week! Are you guys watching the Olympics? They're my favorite: ) although I like the Summer ones better…I cannot believe Shaun White didn't win:( He was almost crying which made me cry! hahaha I'm too emotional when it comes to that stuff.**

**Chapter 14- A New Friend**

**Tonks P.O.V**

I could survive a few days without Remus.

Right?

I kept telling myself it would be okay, as long as I didn't see anything that reminded me of my deceased family. Stay away from the house, stay away from the family tree, stay away from everything. I thought of ways I could avoid all of this as I lay in my comfy bed at about ten in the morning. What if something went wrong? I worried, remembering how terribly non-understanding werewolves could be. Remus knew how to handle them I'm sure…but there was a whole pack of them, and only one of him.

Needless to say I was a bit worried about him…and he had only been away for three days.

A knocking came on the door and Sirius popped his head inside.

"Wake up Sleepy Beauty! The Weasley's invited us to lunch, so you'd better get cracking!"

A smile crept to my tired face as I thought of the Weasley's. I adored their family very much; I couldn't care less if they didn't have a lot of money. Of course, Arthur got paid a lot more now that Kingsley was Prime Minister. Anyway, I jumped out of bed, excited to be going somewhere cheerful. This house really makes you depressed; except for when you're in my room of course.

When I looked in the mirror, my pink hair was full of knots and twists. Thankfully, I knew a spell that could help with that. While the spell was working it's magic, I dug through my suitcase, trying to find something suitable to wear. All seemed to be finding was ripped jeans and casual shirts.

"There we go!"

I grabbed a black, tight top with a flowy bottom. To my delight, there was sparkles all over it. My white, pre-ripped skinny jeans matched it well, so I tugged them on over my legs. From what I remember, they were a lot looser than the last time I wore them. _Must have been the depression, _I thought to myself. As I stuck my feet into the holes of the jeans, my balance was suddenly thrown off. The end of the jeans got stuck to my heel, causing me to crash down onto the hard floor.

"Bloody Hell."

Staggering up to my feet, pain shot through my arm, which I hadn't realized I had landed on. It ached terribly, but that was probably sleeping on it wrong or something. Shrugging off the pain, I changed my hair so it was curly and bubbly, unlike the lifeless hair I had when I woke up. I even added a little thicker eyeliner to cover up my puffy eyes. The last thing I needed was Molly seeing that I still was not well. She had other things to worry about.

"You ready yet?" Sirius called up from the stairway.

"Almost!"

I quickly grabbed my new-and-improved leather jacket, running down the stairs as I slipped it over my shoulder. My cocky cousin grinned as I stumbled down the stairs, nearly falling on the last step. "You never were very graceful, were you Tonksie?" He laughed, smiling down at me. He had his nice dress shirt on, which I had not seen him wear since my parent's wedding many years ago. "It's a heredity thing," I replied, giving him a little smile. "You look awfully handsome today." I added, looking him up and down.

"I do look rather dashing, don't I?"

So much for avoiding anything that has to do with my parents.

~~Minutes Later~~

We were immediately greeted by yells as we walked inside the Burrow.

"Sirius! Tonks! So great to see you so soon!"

Molly gave each of us a warm hug, the smell of bread and cake filling my nostrils. I smiled down at the red-haired woman with a caring look on her pink face. "Wotcher Molly." I acknowledged her, hiding the pain that obscured under my disguise. She patted my cheek and put her pleasant hands on my shoulders, looking me straight in the eyes.

"How are you darling?"

Knowing I couldn't lie to someone as amiable as Molly, I told the truth.

"Been better honestly."

She gave me a small smile and then motioned to the living room. "Everyone is sitting down in the living room. Lunch will be ready in about fifteen minutes!" Molly exclaimed happily, rushing back into the kitchen. I chuckled and twisted around to walk into the living room, where Sirius was already conversing with Harry and Ron. When I entered the room, all eyes turned to me, worry drowning the color in their faces.

After a long pause, a white haired girl spoke.

"Hello Tonks! How are you?"

I had no clue who this girl was, but I smiled at her none of the less.

"I'm well thanks…sorry, but who are you again?"

The young looking girl smiled brightly up at me as I sat down on the floor next to her. "I'm Luna Lovegood." She replied to my question, holding out her hand. The name seemed awfully familiar to me, but I couldn't quite grab what it meant. There was something about her facial expressions that just made you feel very…calm. Tranquil and thoughtful would be words to describe her. When I turned my attention away from Luna, everyone was still watching me carefully. Deciding that I didn't want any more sympathy, I grinned at them all.

"How are you lot?"

They all cracked into smiles and seemed to calm down a bit.

George spoke up first, and I had barely noticed he was standing by the fireplace.

"Hungry Tonks?"

"You have no idea. Sirius's food, no offense cousin, is awful I'm afraid…I haven't had a good meal in a few days."

Sirius shrugged when everyone laughed, apparently not feeling bad about my comment. "Excuse me for never having to defend for anyone but myself!" He replied, making everyone laugh again. There was a certain atmosphere when we all laughed together that just made you feel light. It was the first time I had experienced this in a protracted amount of time.

"Come and eat!"

All the kids jumped up and sprinted to the kitchen, excited for all the food they were about to stuff themselves with. Luna didn't however; she stayed behind and waited for everyone else to go. It was a little unusual, I thought, that a teenage girl didn't shove her way through everyone to get in front. I guess Luna was different.

That was why I liked her already.

No one seemed to be watching me like a hawk anymore, so I took a break from smiling as I sat down at the table. When everyone had finally settled down at the large table, Molly stood up and got everyone's attention. Half of me was expecting someone to jump up from the table because Fred and George had planted some kind of exploding device on their seat. When the realization came to me, I found myself extremely upset again.

"I would just like to thank all of you for coming today. It's important not to forget about friends and family in this time of rebuilding. I'm grateful all of you are doing so well and took the time to come dine with us."

Molly's eyes darted towards me when she said "well".

"Well, what are you all waiting for? Dig in!"

After everyone laughed at Ron's remark, we all dove into our feast. I wasn't hungry at all honestly, but I managed to shove down some bread and turkey without anyone asking me why I wasn't eating a lot. Percy and the adults were talking about some crazy Ministry man who took off all his clothes in front of an entire group of Muggles, while Harry and the younger kids were talking about how the Malfoy boy had dropped out of Hogwarts and gotten a job at the Ministry. Since I didn't really belong in any of the age groups, I listened to both conversations, until something Arthur said caught my full attention.

"So Remus will be back in a couple of weeks?"

My head jerked towards their direction, every other conversation drowned out by my mind.

"Yes…I have a bad feeling those younger, naïve werewolves are going to give him a hard time though."

"I'm sure if things get too bad he'll come back. He's a sharp lad."

Remus was going to be gone…for a few _weeks?! _

Days I could survive…but weeks?! No way I could live a few weeks without him here! He was the one who kept me going…the one who helped me survive. The only one who understood the torment I was suffering through right now.

This changed everything.

Hurt, disappointment, and worry hit me all at once.

"Are you upset by this news Tonks?"

I hardly noticed Luna was talking to me. I turned towards her curious face, trying to compose the kooky thoughts starting to spin around in my mind. What if it got bad again? I worried, staring at Luna's azure eyes. What if I couldn't stop it this time? Remus wasn't here, Sirius wouldn't understand…there was no one left. I was utterly alone.

"Yeah… I just…didn't know Remus was going to be gone for that long."

"Oh I see…it's possible that the Nargles were behind it."

I peered over at the girl, whose voice seemed to be the only thing keeping me sane.

"What?"

Luna smiled and set down her fork and napkin.

"Nargles of course! Not only do they steal shoes and socks, but they are also capable of manipulating people's emotions into thinking that they're saving a person from a great deal of pain."

She must have known I didn't understand what she meant, because she continued on.

"Maybe Remus just wanted to save you from the pain you would have felt earlier if he would have told you he would be gone for a few weeks."

I now understood what Luna meant. It scared me slightly that she was this bright and clever at such a young age. Genuinely, I didn't expect such words to come out of her mouth. The Nargles was a little strange, but it actually made sense to me.

"So you think Remus didn't tell me because he knew I would be hurt?"

Luna nodded her head, making her silver hair bounce on her head. I suddenly felt a wave of gratitude towards Luna as she smiled over at me.

If I didn't know any better, I say I just made a new friend.

Remus P.O.V

As I walked through the brisk wind, my thoughts drifted to Tonks.

Had someone told her that I would be gone for longer than a few days? Was she upset with me? Would she ever talk to me again? I wondered as I stepped over the fresh werewolf paw prints in the snow. Here I was, risking my life to save other's, while at the same time I was risking Tonks's life by not being with her to help her through the rough days.

It was an internal conflict I could not win.

A loud snap came from behind me, causing me to spin around. No one was in sight, but I could sense someone's eyes watching my every move. _That has to be them_, I thought to myself, peering around the trees. It was starting to get dark out, so I knew I had to find the werewolves soon. I just hope I can talk to them without them killing me on sight first.

Maybe they would recognize me as their idol or something. Maybe they would welcome me with open arms and realize their mistakes.

Of course, I knew it would not be that easy.

These things never were.

"Who goes there?!"

A loud, booming voice came from the left side of me. I turned around to see a small, sticky man staring at me with fear in his black eyes. I held up my hands to show him that I didn't have an weapons or anything threatening.

"I mean you no harm sir."

"Who are you?!"

"I've only come here to-"

"Your name!"

_Demanding little fella, _I thought to myself. I put my hands down, daring to walk towards him a few feet. He ripped out his wand suddenly and pointed it at me. "Don't come any closer!" His voice was shaking, so I could tell he was nervous. He's probably been a werewolf for only a few months. Calmly, I stopped walking towards him.

"My name is Remus Lupin. I've only-"

"Leave right now!"

"But I-"

He opened his mouth to say a spell right as I was about to explain myself. Thinking this was the end, I closed my eyes for a second and pictured a certain pink-haired girl smiling up at me.

"STOP!"

I peeked one eye open to see a shadow figure coming out to the light.

"You wouldn't want to kill our hero, would you?"

_Why did I agree to do this?!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Happy Valentines Day! Have a good weekend!**

**Shout out to RemusDora for being TOTALLY AWESOME!**

_**Hope is that little voice that says "Maybe" **_

_**When it seems like the whole world is yelling "No!"**_

**Chapter 15-Thinking**

**Tonks P.O.V**

"You're awfully quiet Tonksie."

I glanced over at Sirius, who was pouring himself a glass of fire whiskey. I plopped down on the couch, my energy completely drained. "Just thinking." I replied to his statement, laying my head down on the velvety pillow. Fatigue overwhelmed my entire body, so I let the rest of my body parts flop down across my cousin's lap while he drank his whiskey. "Thinking about what?" Sirius asked curiously, giving me a sly smile.

"Stuff."

"Hmm…this wouldn't have anything to do with Remus, would it?"

I froze when Sirius mentioned Remus' name. Did he know how I felt about him? Had he noticed the way I looked at him? I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at the burning fireplace, avoiding his gaze. "I don't know." He smiled at me, setting down his cup and leaning his arms back across the couch. "If I didn't know any better Tonks, I would say you miss him." Sirius said, a slight teasing tone in his voice.

My heart sped up when I thought he had figured it out.

"Well of course I'm worried about him! I won't have anyone to pour my feelings out to if he doesn't come back!"

This was partly true, but it came out a little more harsher than I expected it to. My favorite cousin sat there for a moment, just looking at me. "I mean, that's not the only reason but…" I trailed off, not sure where I was going with this statement. Sirius smiled a bit, "I understand Tonksie. Remus is a very nice person to have around. Especially when someone is going through a tough time." Saying this, he got up and walked out of the room, leaving me alone.

I guess I forgave Remus for not telling me how long he was going to be gone. It wasn't like he meant to hurt my feelings by not telling me. Like Luna said; he was only trying to keep me from the _real _truth that would hurt me even more. I just hoped he wasn't blaming himself for how I was feeling. Oh well…when he gets back I'll sort everything out.

The fire was slowly dying, so, feeling my eyes starting to droop shut, I Apparated myself upstairs in my bed. Man was I glad Remus and I painted the room a different color. It was so dark in that room before, but now it was like an entirely different place. A small smile crept to my lips as I pulled the covers over my head, not even bothering to change my clothes.

_Don't worry about Remus, _I told myself as I drifted into sleep.

_He'll be back before you know it._

The question was, however; would he come back in one piece?

Sirius P.O.V

"Master Black…"

"Go away Kreacher." I grumbled to my house elf, not wanting him to disrupt my beauty sleep.

"A note from Nymphadora…she went on a walk."

My eyes shot open as I heard my cousin's name. I sat straight up in bed and looked down at the shadow of my scrubby house elf. "Where? How long ago did she leave?" I asked frantically, grabbing my jacket and slipping on my shoes. I couldn't let yet another relative slip out of my grasp. Kreacher peered up at me and shrugged, "Mentioned something about going to her parents house." He grumbled, stepping out of my way as I ran out of my room.

It was dark, but I knew this house so well that I didn't need any light. It was a rather chilly morning, which made me worry about my baby cousin. Tonks didn't do well in the cold. As I threw on my scarf, Kreacher opened the door and out I went into the dim light of the rising sun. She couldn't have gone far, unless that hopeless git house elf of mine was lying straight to my face.

I quickly Apparated to the site of my dead cousin's house, where Tonks was nowhere to be found.

"Tonks?!"

No reply.

Frantically, I started running towards the house, wand at the ready. Perhaps Tonks had been lured out by someone who wanted revenge on the Order, I thought as I searched the land for my pink-haired cousin. I had lost enough people in my life; I didn't need one more. She had to be here somewhere.

After nearly tearing the entire house apart looking for her, I heard something.

It was a soft, whimpering sound; almost like someone had just got finished crying.

I whipped my head around to look out the window, where I finally saw a sight that made my heart finally slow down. It was Tonks. It appeared that she was sitting Indian-Style, looking down at something that was invisible to my eyes. Jumping over the furniture and out the door, I sprinted towards the hill where she was sitting. Did she think she was going to get away with just leaving like that?! This is not the time to be wondering around in the early hours of daylight!

"Tonks! What in Merlin are you doing?!"

I finally reached her and put a firm hand on her non-broken arm. The wind was howling loudly, pushing right through my jacket and onto my pale skin. I couldn't imagine how cold Tonks was; she was only wearing a thin sweatshirt and jeans. When she didn't respond to my question, I leaned down to her level to see what she was doing.

It was noticeable that she had been crying. Her makeup from last night was smeared all over her cheeks, while her eyelids were swelled and her pupils dilated.

"Tonks…what are you-"

I glanced down at what Tonks had been staring at intently for the last few moments. It was the gravestones of Andromeda and Ted. Her expression was difficult to read; it almost looked like she was at peace, but at the same time she looked upset and terrified. Deciding to be a good cousin, I sat down next to her.

"Why do you torture yourself like this Tonksie?"

She finally glanced over at me for a second.

"It's better to feel pain, then feel nothing at all."

As I sat there thinking about what my young cousin just told me, Tonks returned back to her frozen state. She did have a point of course; pain was better than feeling nothing at all. Trust me, I lived in Azkaban for twelve years, and feeling absolutely nothing at all is worse than pain. You feel so empty and hopeless…like you're not even alive anymore. I didn't want my baby cousin to feel like that anymore.

Taking off my jacket, I draped it around her shoulders and kept my arm across her back.

"I know I'm not as good as comforting people as Remus is, but I'm gunna try okay?"

Tonks looked over at me, more tears starting to fill with tears of pain.

"I won't try to replace your parents cous…but I tell you one thing. I am going to bring you back on your feet. I hate seeing you like this, you ought to know that already. Remember all the fun we used to have?! Shoving my mother's drawers down the sewer pipe? Stealing Regulus's Slytherin scarf and giving it to the house elves? Remember?"

To my happiness, Tonks laughed at the memories I reminded her of.

Her smile was even brighter than the sun, which had completely come up into the sky now. Looking over at me, she wiped a few tears away with her free hand. I hugged her tighter to my body, "I know it won't be as easy as it sounds, but we're going to get through these few weeks together, alright?" I assured her, smiling down at my cousin. Tonks gave me small smile and nodded her head, laying her head in the crook of my shoulder.

"Thanks Sirius...I'm so glad I'm not alone in this."

I smiled before looking up at the sky, watching the sun rise up high in the sky.

Remus P.O.V

I was starting to get very scared now.

Usually that didn't happen, but I honestly felt like my life was at a serious risk around these werewolves. What I learned in the past few hours astonished me. Not only were these werewolves obsessed with me, but they were determined to be like me. One in particular was absolutely _insane_.

I don't mean just acting like me; he dressed like me, talked like me, and even cut himself on the face so he had the same scars as me.

Insane right?!

Right now I was sitting underground with a room full of werewolves, who were all telling me stories of all the times society has rejected them. I hadn't been listening to any of the stories; my mind was far away from this place. The only thought that calmed me down a little was Tonks. I bet she was having loads of fun with Sirius! I bet by the time I return-if they allow me to return, that is- she'll be back to the way she was before all this happened.

_Which means less time with her, _my mind reminded me.

_It is uncomfortably cold down here,_ I thought to myself as another werewolf came up to me, begging me to teach him how to survive in the real world. As I ignored his comments and questions, I thought of my first dance with Tonks to make my nerves calm down a bit.

"_Would you like to dance Remus?"_

Her voice echoed in my mind over and over again. Her smile dancing across my heart as we twisted and turned on the dance floor, oblivious to everything going on around us. That kind, brave look in her beautiful sparkling eyes as she danced fluidly across the granite floor. The music gliding its way into our ears, giving just the right rhythm for the perfect dance.

"Remus!"

The image of Tonks faded away from my mind as the werewolf in charge of this whole thing yelled to me.

"Yes?"

I still had not learned any of their names, but to be quite honest, I didn't really care what their names were.

I just wanted to get out of here.

"What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

"Well I hope your thinking of a good plan to defend yourself, because you have yet to answer one of our questions."

The large man started walking towards where I was sitting, causing my heart to speed up a bit. The rest of the werewolves starting closing in as well, although some of them seemed to me resistant. _I'm their hero! _I thought as I stood up, ready to defend myself. _Why would someone beat up their hero?!_

"Stop!"

Everyone's attention transferred from me to one of their own. He was a short, skinny little man with a beard; so in other words, not very threatening. But I saw the kind look in his eyes and had hope for a short second. "Is this really the right thing to do?" he started to say, looking at his companions. "I mean, we did force him to come down here and answer our questions." The man said, looking rather nervous.

The large, mean man glared down at the poor fellow.

"I don't remember putting you in charge _Spercredo_."

Before I could even say anything, the big man pounded his hairy fist down onto the man's cheek, sending him to the ground.

He turned back to me, a scowl on his muscular face.

The last thing I remember seeing was a flash of Tonks's smile.


	16. Chapter 16

**It'll be very hard to update this week since I have basketball games Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday…but I'll try my best!**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**I promise you'll find out who beat up Remus…in time;) **

**Chapter 16-Going Home**

**Tonks P.O.V**

Time really does go by too fast.

In my case, that's a good thing however. Three weeks have passed since my little talk with Sirius. Three whole freaking weeks without hearing or seeing Remus. Sirius pulled through most of the time though; taking me to Fred and George's joke shop, playing pranks on Kreacher, going to bars and dancing like crazy. Just simple little things like that. I'm sorry to say however, that those short moments were the only time I felt even the smallest bit of happiness.

My thoughts are the worst I have ever seen them.

I didn't think it was possible for that to happen, but it did. The last time I slept for over three hours was about a week ago, when I took five doses of a sleeping potion. My depression is at the worst stage: hopelessness.

"Ready to go Tonksie?"

"Yup."

Sirius and I were going to the Weasley's for Christmas now. Everyone was going to be there…and I mean everyone. Including Remus; he had just gotten back today, Molly said in a letter she sent us. When Sirius had told me this news, I had broken down into tears. He'd been gone for so long…so much had changed now. Part of me hoped he wasn't hurt badly, but the darker part of me hoped he was.

But in my depression stage, I no longer could think of reasons why.

Padfoot smirked at me as I walked out of the room in my new dress that we had stolen from a Muggle shop. "Who are you trying to impress?" he asked, winking at me. I rolled my eyes, annoyed with my cousin for teasing me about Remus. So far I had been very good at fake laughing and smiling around Sirius, but I had a bad feeling I wouldn't be able to tonight.

"I just want to show everyone that I'm better now."

He gave me a proud smile and turned back to the mirror to fix his shabby hair.

"Luna's father is going to be there tonight also. I think he's a rather strange fellow, but you might find him very…interesting."

_The wind was whisk and sharp, cutting into my numb face like a butcher knife. There was no one else around, no one else walking around in Diagon Alley. Just myself, trying to clear my mind for once. Wind chimes echoed in my ears as I glanced around, looking for anyone to talk to. Sirius had been taking a nap, so I told Kreacher I was going for a short walk. _

_Something caught my attention._

_It was a scream._

_A girl's scream._

_It sounded like she was very distressed and frightened, so I desperately tried to search for the location of the girl. I started running and looking through every alley way and cranny in the entire town, not seeing anything, but still able to hear the yells. They sounded awfully familiar, which scared me even more. _

_"Help! Anyone!"_

_As I turned around, finally knowing where the noise was coming from, I stumbled over an ice chunk, sending me crashing down into the snow. I saw the red drip down into the pure white snow at the same time I felt a quick shot of pain in my cheek. Brushing it off, I jumped up and ran towards the abandon building at the end of the street. The screaming was getting louder and louder as I got closer to the mansion. My heart sped up quicker as I spotted the blood stains leading up to the house._

_After what seemed like forever, I finally made it inside the house. Some parts of it were falling down, which worried me even more. _

_"Please no! Stop!"_

_I recognized the voice now._

_It was Luna._

_I sprinted up the fragile stairs and starting checking every door. My wand was at the ready, in case the deplorable person who had Luna decided to turn on me. I got to a white door, which the screams went through very easily. My mind was all jumbled up, but in this moment, everything was gone except for one thought._

_I had to save Luna._

_Kicking the door open, I saw a man standing over Luna, holding his wand to her throat. _

_"Stupefy!"_

_Before he could even look at me, I stunned him, sending his body hurtling towards the already crumbling walls. Luna didn't appear to be badly hurt, only a few gashes here and there. She looked surprised to see me, but I didn't have time to explain to her. The man was already getting back up, plus I could hear the aging walls starting to creak loudly. _

_"Come on!"_

_After sending one more spell at the man, I grabbed Luna's hand and started running out of the room. The stairs were starting to get weaker and weaker as we sprinted down them. My concerns were no longer about the man; the house was going to fall any minute. I had to get Luna out of there safe. _

_"Luna, jump on my back!"_

_"If you say so Miss Tonks!"_

_She jumped on my back and I started pushing my legs as fast as they could go. Walls were crashing down around us, debris whipping around like a tornado. It probably wasn't the best idea to have Luna jump on my back, since I had a reputation of being one of the clumsiest people in the Wizarding World. Somehow I managed to stay on my feet though, and I finally made it towards the door._

_Right as I was about to carry Luna to safety, the wall caved overtop of the doorway._

_I can honestly say my heart stopped for a moment._

_I turned around, looking around for anything that we could get through. Luna tugged on my shirt and pointed to a window that was still standing in the corner of the room. "Over there!" She yelled through the noise. Determined to get Luna out, I ran over to the window, jumping around obstacles along the way. _

_"Reducto!"_

_The window burst into pieces as I jumped through the opening with Luna on my back._

_We landed in the soft snow, covering our faces as the house crashed down._

_I looked over at Luna, and she looked right back at me._

_We burst out laughing as the house lay in a pile on the ground._

I had saved Luna a few days after I had first met her. I spent a lot of my time with her after that. When I wasn't hanging out with Sirius and Harry, I would go over to Luna's house and talk with her for hours. We knew everything about each other now; I even told her about Remus. She had her suspicions already, but she was just too polite to ask me about it before.

"Great!"

Sirius glanced over at me with a very questionable look on his still handsome face. "Are you excited to see Remus?" he asked me. _Yes, _I answered in my head, thinking of Remus. I was extremely excited to see his smile and hear his voice again, but a part of me was very nervous. What if he knew that I was just putting on a show? I worried to myself, slipping my jacket on.

"Of course!"

My cousin didn't look convinced, but he didn't press it.

"Let's get going."

When we stepped outside, I couldn't help but notice how pretty of a Christmas it was. The snowflakes were falling very slowly and softly onto my hair, while the hint of wind pushed the chimes on the houses back and forth. The streets were quiet, except for the music of the Muggle parties going on in the apartments. Sirius and I walked with our arms linked, trudging through the thin layer of clouds lying on the rough street.

"It's a beautiful evening out."

"That it is Tonksie."

Sadness surged over me as I reminisced on the last Christmas with my parents. It was just us three, all crowded around the fireplace, talking about old memories. Like the one Christmas when I was about seven years old; I had accidently ran my broomstick into the Christmas tree and hit it into the fire. I smiled at the memory of my parents laughing about it after putting out the fire.

Sirius glanced over at me as we walked silently through the town.

"What are you thinking about?"

I smiled over at him and peered up at the sky.

"Memories."

He chuckled and looked down at the ground, apparently doing the same thing as I was.

"I remember Harry's first Christmas. It was only James, Lily and I there. I got Harry a small motorcycle that he could ride."

I laughed at Sirius for a second; it was so like him to get Harry something that could easily get him hurt. I guess him and James always were daredevils, so he would be in good hands. Sirius looked at me, confused as to why I was laughing. "What's so funny about that?" he questioned me as I continued to laugh loudly.

"Nothing! I'm just picturing baby Harry with long, greasy hair riding a motorcycle around his house."

Sirius looked into the distance for a moment, then started laughing right along with me.

Maybe tonight would be good after all.

Remus P.O.V

"Oh I just cannot believe how they treated you Remus!"

Molly was still making a fuss about my new wounds and scars. I had spent the last few hours explained what happened in my three weeks at the werewolves den. You have no idea how good it felt to finally be around people that didn't want to kill me all the time. The food was a lot better than rabbit meat every day too. As soon as I saw the Weasley's my heart just warmed up about a hundred degrees. I was so happy to see them again!

"What's done is done Molly. I'm just upset with myself that I couldn't get through to them."

Molly shook her head as she laid the presents under the tree. "It's just so-" She was interrupted by a knock on the door. A smile lit up her face as she wiped her hands off and rushed to the door. Everyone else was already here, so I knew who it was right away.

Tonks and Sirius.

"That would be Tonks and Sirius!"

My heart sped up as I prepared myself for the confrontation with Tonks. Would she hate me now? I worried to myself as I sat up a little straighter. New scars lined up on my cheeks and forehead, which everyone had noticed so far. Would she notice and start apologizing for being mad at me? Many questions swam around in my head as I hear Molly open the cottage door.

"Merry Christmas you two!"

"Merry Christmas Molly!"

Footsteps entered the house as everyone in the living room waited for Sirius and Tonks to walk in. However, Sirius was the only one to walk in.

"I brought butterbeer!"

Everyone laughed as Padfoot set down the case of butterbeer on the table. My friend looked exactly the same as when I left, which made me calm. He glanced over to me and grinned his wolfish grin. "You're looking…well Moony!" Sirius joked as he embraced me in a tight hug. I laughed at his comment, "You too Padfoot." I replied, sitting back down with him beside me.

"Tell me everything Remus. What were they like? What did they do to you?"

As I opened my mouth to respond to Sirius, but was interrupted by Molly.

"Remus, would you mind helping me in the kitchen for a moment?"

"I wouldn't mind at all Molly."

Sirius frowned but I patted his shoulder to let him know it was okay.

"Don't worry friend, there will be plenty of time to tell you my story."

I exited the room with Molly and walked towards the kitchen, where I almost froze with surprise. Tonks was standing at the counter, facing away from me. She had a tight, pink dress on, which matched her petite figure perfectly. Her hair was its usual light pink color, but with a strand of black in the left side. She turned around when I accidently ran right into a chair, making a scratching noise against the floor.

Her eyes were the most beautiful sight I have seen in weeks.

"Remus!"

"Hello Tonks."

Before I could say anything else, Tonks embraced me.

Her small arms wrapped around my torso and her head lay on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close to me. This was the warmest my heart had felt in three weeks. It completely beat being tortured by werewolves for days. My heart was beating quickly, and I just hoped she couldn't hear it. Tonks looked up at me with a small, but bright, smile on her sparkling face. There was a hint of glitter on her eyelids that really made her eyes even brighter.

The sparkle disappeared when Tonks noticed the fresh wounds.

"What happened?"

There was a certain coldness in her voice when she spoke that frightened me a bit.

"I'll tell you about it later."

"Just like you told me you would be gone for a few _days_?"

The coldness had now moved to Tonks's eyes now. She wasn't really glaring at me, but I could tell she was upset. How did I respond to that? I couldn't just say that I thought it would be easier than telling her the truth. That wouldn't be a good enough reason for Tonks. Luckily, Molly's voice drained out my thoughts.

"Dinner is ready everyone!"

This would be an awkward dinner indeed.


	17. Chapter 17

**Anyone else watching White and Davis tonight for figure skating?! I cannot wait!:) **

**Chapter 17-Almost is Never Enough**

**Tonks P.O.V**

My heart was still jumping when we sat down to eat.

Remus sat between Sirius and Arthur, while I sat between Luna and Ginny. Molly thanked all of us for coming, and then we dug in. It was hard to try not to sneak a few glances at Remus, who I could see look up at me every once in a while. It tasted good to finally have some good food, since Sirius wasn't exactly the greatest cook. There was ham and turkey, along with potatoes and corn, with the desserts being anything you can imagine.

But I barely ate any of it.

I was too busy worrying about what Remus was thinking.

"What have you lot been up to while I was gone?"

Harry and Ron grinned at each other when Remus asked this question. "Not much." Ron answered, sounding rather suspicious. I was apparently the only one to notice this, because Ginny went on to start talking about school. "Well, our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher isn't exactly…great, but he isn't completely terrible." She said. Hermione agreed with her, nodding her head up and down while she took a drink from her glass. "He's a rather scary looking fellow." Hermione added to Ginny's earlier statement.

"Not even close to as good as you were."

Remus chuckled and set his fork down, shaking his head at Harry's statement.

"I wasn't _that _good, was I?"

All of the younger kids started shouting out all the ways he was their best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher they've ever had. Remus looked overwhelmed for a moment, all these compliments being shouted at him. _Was he really that good of a teacher? _I wondered silently, smiling on as Remus continued to be hounded by the kids. Of course, Luna was the only one not shouting out things. In fact, she was staring at me instead of Remus.

"Was a good teacher Luna?"

Luna nodded her head and smiled at me.

"He was very much. He was a lot kinder and understanding than the other teachers were. Something…lighter about his attitude."

I averted my attention back to Remus, who was now talking to Harry about something. The scene brought me back to a Christmas with my parents. It was when I was twelve years old, I remember…the last Christmas I had stayed at Hogwarts, since it was my first year. Mum had made a roast and a ton of other grand foods, just for the three of us. I faintly remember the pinching feeling in my cheeks that night because I had laughed so much. My father told so many jokes and old stories that night about his Muggle Christmases. They were so much stranger than our Christmases!

"Tonks?"

I shook my head and looked up to the table, where I found everyone looking at me.

"Sorry! What?"

Remus gave me a small smile, then looked between Sirius and I.

"What have you two adventurers been up to?"

_You would know if you would've been here, _I grumbled inside. On the outside though, knowing I had to put on a good show, I grinned at my cousin and shrugged. "Oh you know…played jokes on Muggles, drank, danced- whatever you can think of really." I answered happily, looking anywhere but at Remus. A couple people laughed as Sirius started to tell more about our little adventures.

"I guess you could say we were typical Blacks these last few weeks."

Remus raised an eyebrow at his friend, "That worries me slightly."

Everyone started laughing at Remus's concern. I chuckled lightly, but really wasn't in the mood for jokes. I was almost in a good mood…but almost is never enough, you know. I felt Luna's eyes go from Remus back to me, and she sat up straighter in her seat and opened her mouth.

"There was a bit of excitement a few weeks back."

Remus waited for her to continue, obviously just thinking Luna was going to tell him something about the Nargles.

"Tonks saved me and we made a house fall down!"

Remus P.O.V

Did I hear her right?

I folded my hands on the table and looked from Luna to Tonks in confusing. They made a house fall down? I questioned, the back of my mind knowing that Tonks probably was capable of doing that. "Really? What happened?" I asked, a little bit on the frantic side. She just could not keep herself out of trouble, could she? I glanced over at her for a second, accidently making eye contact with her.

Luna smiled and looked over at her as well.

"A very strange man was following me while I was in Diagon Alley one day. After a small struggle, he took me to this abandon house and was about ready to kill me when Tonks burst in! She defeated him, but the house started to fall to pieces, so we had to get out very quickly. Tonks put me on her back and we crashed through the wall and fell onto the yard just as the house came crashing down!"

I couldn't help but smile at Luna's enthusiastic tone. There was a spark in her eyes when she talked about Tonks; it was almost like she was her hero. Tonks was blushing and tucked her hair behind her ear, trying to avoid everyone's eyes. "It wasn't _that _heroic." She replied to Luna. Luna kept smiling however, and shook her head at Tonks.

"I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you Miss Tonks."

Tonks finally looked up, right into my eyes.

"And we're all thankful that you're both here, safe."

Everyone agreed and I kept looking into Tonks's eyes, trying to figure out what lay inside them. Our moment was interrupted by Ron, who was starting to get a little antsy.

"Mum, can we open are presents now?!"

Mrs. Weasley rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Alright then. Go get them."

All the younger adults ran out to the living room in a hurry, chattering and grinning to themselves. Sometimes I really wished I could go back to when everything was simple. When the only care in the world I had was what I got for Christmas or what we were having for dinner. Why couldn't everything be simple again? Why did everything have to be dangerous and complicated?

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, wishing everything would just stop.

Tonks P.O.V

"Goodness Ginny! I forgot your present in the attic!"

Molly stood up to go get it, but I beat her to it.

"I'll get it Molly. You've been slaving all night for us, you need a break!"

I gave her a warm smile and started to walk out of the room, happy to get away from everyone for a moment. It wasn't that I didn't love them all; I did, but I was just so used to moping around and crying all the time that I wasn't used to socializing with them like I was before. Did I miss talking to them and not having to worry about holding back tears? More than anything.

Sighing, I walked up the stairs and made my way to the dusty, aged attic to find Ginny's Christmas present. _It has to be here somewhere, _I thought as I pushed around dust filled boxes. It was a rather creepy and chilling attic; kind of like the one in that silly Muggle movie Sirius and I went to a few days ago. I was half expecting someone to jump out and slit my throat or something.

"Tonks?"

I hit my shin on a box as I whipped around to see who was.

"Good gods Luna!"

She chuckled lightly and walked over to me as I limped down onto an old table. "My apologizes Tonks, I thought you heard me come in." She apologized kindly. I gave her a thumbs up to let her know it was okay; no one can be mad at Luna for very long. It just was logical. As I inspected my new bruise forming, I noticed Luna looking at me very carefully. I looked at her with my eyebrows raised, wondering what she was thinking.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Why are you so sad?"

This question caught me by surprise, so I shifted uncomfortably.

"I asked you first."

"I'm staring at you because you're sad."

"I don't know why-"

Luna held up her hand firmly, making me shut my mouth.

"Please don't lie to me Tonks."

There was such a frightened, fragile sounding whisper in her voice when she spoke to me. I stared into her crystal-like eyes, knowing inside that I had to tell her the truth. The past few weeks…I had only been telling her the non-important parts of what I felt. Now it was time to tell her the truth…the entire truth. Looking away from her, I stood up and started pacing the room.

"I…I'm in love with Remus, Luna."

"This makes you sad?"

"No…yes…I mean-it doesn't but-I'm just such a mess right now," I tried to explain to her as I shook my head. It was starting to get bad again the more I tried to sort out my thoughts. "I can't…even think about what would happen if he didn't feel the same you know? Besides…I feel as if my parents…wouldn't want me to be forgetting about them. That's just it! When I'm with Remus, I forget all about them! Unless of course he's trying to get me to stop crying about them being dead, but that's not the point!" I exclaimed, pacing faster around the attic.

My temples were starting to ache from thinking so much. I gripped my hands tighter and tighter, my untrimmed fingernails digging into my flesh. That had been my main release these past weeks; it wasn't much, but at least I felt something. Luna stood up and grabbed my shoulders firmly, making me stop pacing around the creaking attic.

"Listen to me Tonks. Just calm down alright? Everything will be fine…just think of a sunset."

"Luna, this isn't the time to give me a lecture about how pretty the sky is."

"No-Just-Just think of the colors okay? Think of the light, happy pink color. It's just like the color of your hair! Are you picturing it?"

With my eyes closed, I pictured me sitting at the top of the hill right outside of my house. The pink color Luna was telling me about was floating around the sun in the cloudy blue sky.

"I see…I see it."

"Good…add some vibrant, gentle orange to the pink. Do you see it?"

The sun was shining brighter now, the pink and orange accented it perfectly. My heart rate went down a bit as I almost felt the heat from the sun hit my skin. My thoughts settled in, just like the clouds settled around the ring of pink in the slide over the sun.

"Tonks?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's go back downstairs."

When I opened my eyes, I could still see the sunset.

Remus P.O.V

I will tell you about the rest of the night later, but I want to skip to something every important.

After all the kids opened their presents and started to get tired, they went to bed, leaving the adults to themselves. We talked for a bit, and then Arthur and Molly went to sleep also. Sirius and I talked about the good old days, which I will explain later, then fell asleep in his chair. I was alone for a few minutes, but then she came.

"Wotcher Remus."

Tonks walked into the room with her bubbly hair and sat down beside me on the couch.

"Good evening Tonks."

She gave me a small smile as she folded her legs underneath her, taking off her heels. I wonder how she managed to wear those without tripping all over the place. "How are you on this fine Christmas Eve?" Nymphadora asked me, although she wasn't looking at me when she asked it. I shrugged and leaned back in the couch, "Exhausted, but I am well." I replied, finally getting her to glance at me for a moment.

Was she really that mad at me?

"And how are you Nymphadora?"

I knew that would get her attention.

Tonks jerked her head towards me, a small spark in her eyes.

"Almost good."

"Almost good? Explain this to me?"

Tonks chuckled and sighed, staring into the fireplace for a second or two. She peered over at me; I couldn't help but take a breath at how beautiful she looked. Even though the bags were now visible under her eyes, but that didn't matter. "Well, sometimes I feel good, then the next minute I won't. So I'm almost good." She explained, pulling a blanket over her torso.

"Almost is never enough."

Tonks looked at me confused.

"What?"

"It isn't good enough if you're _almost _happy. For me to be satisfied you would have to be completely happy."

She rolled her eyes at my statement and grabbed the nearly empty bottle of Sirius's whiskey.

"If you wanted me to be happy, you wouldn't have left."


	18. Chapter 18

**I think I might have accidently said Remus had brown eyes in one chapter…sorry about that! He has hazel-ish eyes, so sorry if there was any confusion!**

**Chapter 18-Say Something**

**Tonks P.O.V**

I felt angry and overjoyed at the same time.

I was so happy that Remus was finally back and safe, but I was still upset with him for lying about how long he was going to be gone. The pain and guilt on his face showed when I peered up at him. He looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words.

"Tonks…I'll give you a real apology after you answer one question."

"What?"

Seriousness filled his shining hazel eyes.

"How are you _really_?"

The number one question: How are you. I really hated that question, to be honest. It's not like the person isn't going to say "good" or "I'm fine". They aren't just going to say they're terrible. It's just a conversation killer, I've come to notice. Over the past few weeks, whenever someone asked me that, I would answer truthfully. Then when they looked at me funny, I would just wave it off and say I was better now.

I knew I couldn't lie now. It was nearly impossible to lie to Remus, even if he had lied to me.

After a short pause, I gave Remus a small, painful smile.

"Honestly…it's the worst it's ever been."

That terrible look of dread shadowed over Remus's face. This was why I didn't want to tell him the truth; I hated seeing that look on his usually cheery face.

"It's not just sadness anymore, you know? It's something…heavier. Darkness, I suppose is the word for it. Pure darkness…everywhere I look. There's no escaping it; and you not being here made it worse I think. Usually you were there to understand and listen; don't get me wrong, there has been people there to listen, but it just wasn't the same."

Not being able to stand the look on his handsome face anymore, I glanced back into the fireplace, watching the sparks dance up and down around the logs. A happy memory of my father floated into my distorted mind. Since I had fallen into the fireplace once or twice during my winter break, he started calling me "little firecracker".

"Don't be blaming yourself Remus; I know you had other business to attend to. I get that…I shouldn't have been so harsh with you. I'm sorry."

I looked back, giving him a unemotional smile. The last thing I needed was Remus feeling awful because he wasn't here to help me; I'm sure he had enough to worry about. He was still staring at me with this guilty and upset look on his scarred face, which made my heart drop a bit. His soft, smooth hand reached out and touched mine, alerting my senses.

"Tonks…It's me who should be apologizing. It was one thing to go on a mission when you needed me, but it was another thing to lie to you about how long I was going to be gone."

"It's alright Remus."

Remus shook his head however, and sat up a little straighter, looking deeply into my eyes. My heart pounded a little harder and my head started spinning a little faster as I continued to stare right back at him. "No, it's not Tonks." He replied shortly, clearly very angry with himself. "You needed me and I wasn't there for you. There is nothing okay with that." Remus added. I could tell he meant it, and I was slowly starting to feel a lot better.

Well, not better, but you know what I mean.

His hand was still on top of mine as he broke the stare. I didn't know what to say next; Should I be comforting him? Should he be comforting me? My mind found its way back to those dark, lonely thoughts that haunted me for the past few weeks. Those very, dark, awful days. The nightmares, the hallucinations, the thoughts during the day. I think the worst of all though, was not knowing if there was going to be a tomorrow.

Suddenly feeling incredibly alone, I threw my arms around Remus and hugged him.

Remus P.O.V

The next thing I know, Tonks was hugging me.

At first I was a little surprised, but after a few seconds I hugged her back, silently wondering what would have happened if I would have been here for her. Her hair didn't have the great smell it did a few weeks ago; in fact, it just smelt like nothing. Not bad, but not particularly good either. Her quick, panicky breaths echoed in my ear as she continued to hug me.

Why oh, why did I leave her?!

I knew she would get bad again! She's even worse now actually! Why did I leave when I _knew _she needed me?!

Shoving these thoughts out of my head, I concentrated on thinking of something to say to Tonks.

"Say something Remus…"

I swallowed and broke the hug, even though that was the nicest feeling I had felt in three weeks. It beat getting tortured by a long shot. I hadn't even heard the tears fall on Tonks's cheeks; her makeup was now smeared and her eyelids puffy. It killed me inside to know that I caused this pain. It was all my fault.

"Tell me about it Tonks."

I'm glad she was bright enough to know what I was talking about. Tonks looked away from my gaze, wiping a few tears away. "You really wanna know about it?" she asked me, her voice getting caught in her throat. "You want to know about all the pain and all the..craziness?" Tonks asked frantically. A spinning look appeared in her eyes, like wheels spinning on ice.

_No, I don't._

"Yes."

"Fine. Have you ever heard of schizophrenia? Let me tell you about it. It's what the Muggles describe as "disorganized thinking, lack of emotions, major depression, and anxiety". I did some research about it, and I have over half of the symptoms of it. Now, would you like to know what I have felt these past few weeks?"

I nodded slowly, letting this information sink in.

Tonks looked like a mad-woman. She was now pacing around the room with her hands moving around frantically, and her voice was getting shakier and shakier.

"I know you know what terrible, incredibly dreadful pain feels like; but now, think of something entirely different. Think of pain so immense, that all you feel is _nothing _now. You've felt it so much now…you know that pain all too well…all it is…is dark. The memories are no longer clear. No control over your own mind; that's what it felt like for three weeks. Empty."

There was a long, silent pause.

I cannot even begin to describe the emotions I was feeling right now. Guilt, madness, anger. The most important one of all was sadness; to know that you could have been there for someone when they really needed you. It's crushing when you realize how much of a difference you can make in someone's life. I stared at Tonks's face, wishing I could redo everything.

Before I could open my mouth, Tonks collapsed onto the floor crying.

I rushed forward, my knees hitting the ground, holding Tonks's fragile body in my weak arms. She seemed so small in my grip; like a piece of China surrounded by spears and hammers. I felt my own tears brimming up to the surface as I lightly pushed her face towards mine so I could look at her. To see someone this…broken…it hurts. It hurts a lot.

"Tonks, I am so sorry. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you. I regretted leaving the second I walked out that door. If going back to that moment meant saving your life, I would do it in a second. To see you in this much pain…it kills me Dora. More than you could ever know."

I wiped her tears away from her cheeks and stared into her deep, stunning brown eyes.

"I will never leave you again. I promise."

Tonks closed her eyes and buried her head in my chest. I held her close, never wanting to let go ever again.

I must have held her in that position for an hour before I realized she had fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful that I couldn't bear to wake her up so she could go upstairs to her bed. So, being the gentleman I was, I picked her up carefully and laid her on the couch. I put a pillow on my lap and laid her head on it carefully.

She did not wake up the entire night.

I sat there for most of the night, watching her sleep. Not in a creepy way…just in a sad way. Her face was so peaceful and light when she slept. Honestly, she looked like an angel.

A perfect, beautiful angel.

**Sorry this was so short, I gots a lot of homework!**


	19. Chapter 19

_**I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand…when everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.**_

_**-Sleeping with Sirens**_

**Chapter 19-Good Morning**

**Tonks P.O.V**

For the first time in a long time, I slept peacefully.

No nightmares, no hallucinations, nothing. Just pure, blissful sleep. When my eyes fluttered open in the early light of dawn, I was very confused. Whose arms was I laying in? Where was I? Panicking a bit, I jumped up to see whose heartbeat I was hearing. I saw Remus, sound asleep, his eyes closed tightly, looking like he wasn't waking up anytime soon.

The events of last night came rushing back to me as I smiled at Remus's peaceful face.

"Good morning."

My pulse sped up as I jerked my head around to see Sirius standing there with a smirk on his face.

"How did you sleep?"

"Uhh, pretty well. How about you?"

I shifted a few feet away from Remus, who apparently hadn't heard Sirius come into the room. It was kind of hard not to; his boots were banging against the floor the entire walk to the chair beside the couch. He was still smiling at me when he replied. "Very well indeed." My cousin said, taking a drink from his coffee. "That's good." I said, trying to avert his attention from Remus and I to himself.

"So, um, what did you get for Christmas?"

"The best thing anyone could ask for?"

"What would that be dear cousin?"

Sirius grinned his wolfish grin again.

"The happiness of a close friend."

I didn't have to ask to know what he was talking about. Remus had a small smile plastered on his sleeping face. Which I didn't really understand, considering I fell asleep crying last night. For a second, a cold whisk of air hit me from the window, and I wished I was back in his warm, comforting arms. _Wake up soon, _I silently prayed to Remus. It's not that I didn't want him to get some rest, I'm sure he needed it, but I just wanted to talk to him more.

Interrupting my thoughts, someone starting banging on the door.

Remus finally woke up now, his eyes shooting open at the loud, obnoxious noise. Molly pattered down the stairs and straight to the door. It seemed to wake me up a little more also, as I finally felt like I could see everything clearly. "Hello Mad-Eye…what brings you here at this time of the morning?" she asked who must have been Moody. Why on earth was he here? I wondered as I glanced over at Remus, who was looking back at me awkwardly.

"Sorry Molly, but I have a proposition for Remus and Tonks."

Something must have happened, I thought as I stood up quickly, trying to make it look like I hadn't just woken up a few minutes ago. My hair was surely a mess and my makeup was probably smeared all over the place, but I couldn't really do much about any of it. Mad-Eye came stumbling into the room with a little more cheerful look on his face than usual.

"Sorry you two, but I have a small job from the Ministry."

"By the Ministry I assume you mean the old bats who want Kingsley's job?" Remus piped up from his spot on the couch. Mad-Eye grumbled something under his breath and nodded, "Exactly what I mean. They're convinced someone is going to attack Hogwarts again, so they're sending you two to go on watch for tonight." Moody didn't sound particularly happy about this assignment. He had been mumbling things about Remus's health for the past three weeks.

Molly, who had apparently been listening to our conversation, popped her head into the room with a frown on her usually cheery face.

"That is completely ridiculous! It's Christmas day for goodness sake!"

"I know Molly…but it's only for one night. After this Remus has a couple days off, and Tonks…well, you just keep…doing whatever it is you do nowadays."

Moody gave me a smirk as I rolled my eyes at him.

"Training new Aurors about the dangers of working in the Ministry."

Remus gave a short snort behind me, for reasons I have no idea why. Sirius must have sensed the tension between us, because he stood up and tried to clear the air. "Well let's just be thankful it wasn't last night that they had to be taken away from us!" Sirius said happily, clapping his hands once. Mad-Eye seemed a little confused, and I have to say he wasn't the only one. Remus couldn't be mad at me! I hadn't done anything!

Who just wakes up and decides that they're going be snappy like that? I wondered, glaring over in Remus's direction. It was unlike him to have that look of…annoyance on his face. It was so strange to me. Molly sighed, "I guess that's true…but still, that is just plain ignorant of them to do that." She added, grabbing some empty plates off of the tables.

_Savages, _I thought to myself about the Ministry. Although the war was over and Kingsley was Prime Minister, there was still people after us. Once in a rare while they would attack Harry or Sirius in the Daily Prophet; nothing serious, but it did tick Mad-Eye off a tish bit. At least Umbridge was no longer part of the Ministry; I could not stand that little-

"Tonks?"

"What?"

Mad-Eye Moody rolled his eyes at me, "Go home for a while and get some sleep. You don't have to be there until nine. Don't be late." He ordered, starting to walk out the door. "And if I am?" I teased, crossing my arms at my mentor. I saw him grin and shake his head at me as he walked out the door and into the snow, which was falling down gently from the sky. Molly closed the door quickly and turned to us, a new smile on her cheeky face.

"Well I can't let you leave without a good meal! Come on, I'll cook you up something before the children wake up."

"You're too kind Molly."

I glanced at Remus as he spoke, noticing he brushed past me quickly and didn't even look at me. _What_ the _bloody_ _hell_ _is_ _his_ _problem_? I questioned as I walked into the kitchen with Sirius. My cousin looked at me, then to Remus, silently asking me what was going on. I gave him a shrug and sat at the end of the table, a few seats away from _him._

"I barely talked to you at all last night Tonks! What have you been up to lately?"

I gave Molly my best fake smile and shrugged.

"Well, mostly I've just been teaching new Aurors about the Ministry and such…no excitement in other words. I went to a few trails for Louis and the other werewolves, but they haven't decided anything yet."

"Ah, I see. I hope they get what's coming to them."

"Me too."

Molly started cooking something up for us to eat while the rest of us sat there in silence. Deciding to make Remus have to talk to me, I turned to him, my hands folded, and gave him a smile. "I think we would all like to know about your little trip Remus." Sirius and Remus both glanced up at me, suspicious looks on their faces. Clearing his throat, Remus started to speak; mostly to Sirius, but once in a while he would glance at me.

"When I first got to the werewolves den, they weren't very friendly. Actually, they weren't friendly for the whole time I was there. Most of the time they just ignored my suggestions and talked about how much they admired me."

Now it was my turn to let out a snort, making Molly turn around a bit to look at me.

"They disappeared for a few days, then they would come back and try to teach me a lesson. They think I've gone soft you see; been around humans too much. I tried to explain to them what my position was, but they aren't the best listeners."

I felt guilty when Remus mentioned they beat up on him. That must have been where his new scars had come from, I thought, noticing the new gashes in his cheeks and neck. How could some werewolves be completely hostile like that? Remus wasn't anything like that; why couldn't they all just think like him? Remus glanced over at me quickly, then turned back to Sirius. "I'm afraid my three weeks there were wasted. I did not get anywhere with them; we will most likely have to send some people in there to arrest them." He explained briefly. That didn't sound good to me; over thirty werewolves, including Louis and the others, in one jail? That sounded like a recipe for disaster.

"Good morning all!"

Arthur came into the kitchen with his night hat on, a cheerful smile on his aging face. "What are we talking about?" he asked as he sat down beside Sirius. We all looked at each other and shrugged, "Ministry stuff." I replied, taking a drink of my wine left over from last night. The Weasley's clock struck six, and I suddenly remembered something I had to do. I stood up quickly and everyone looked at me, alarmed.

"Where are you headed Tonks?"

"I forgot about something at work. Sorry all; I have to talk to Luna quick and then I'll say my goodbyes."

I ran up the stairs before anyone could question me. I found Luna's room and ran to her bedside quickly, seeing that she was awake already, messing with some instrument of some kind. She seemed a little surprised, but happy to see my none of the less. "Good morning Tonks. What brings you here?" Luna asked joyfully. I couldn't help but smile at her happiness.

"Hey Luna. I've got somewhere to go, so I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too Tonks! I hope whatever you're going to do makes you happy and thankful."

I smiled and nodded at her, the floorboards creaking underneath my knees. "Thanks Luna. The one thing I am thankful for is you Luna. I hope you know how much I adore you, even if I don't always show it." I whispered to her so Hermione and Ginny wouldn't hear. Luna smiled with her perfectly white teeth, her eyes glistening with light.

"That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me Tonks. Thank you very much for being my friend."

These words had more meaning to me than you will ever know.

Remus P.O.V

I know I was being a jerk.

It was just something I did when my thoughts were confusing me. It makes me angry when I cannot control my feelings or emotions. After Tonks left, I took a short trip to my parents house. I wasn't in the mood to talk to Sirius or the Weasley's. It was never a good thing when I couldn't even fake a smile for one of Ron's terribly un-funny jokes. (That was part of why they were usually so funny). Now I was at the door to my parent's house, wondering whether I should knock or just walk in.

I didn't have time to think about it, because my mother opened the door before I could even raise my hand up.

"Remus!"

"Hello mother."

She embraced me in a tight hug, wrapping her arms around my torso tightly. I couldn't help but smile at my mother's bright smile. I hadn't seen her in such a long time. It was nice to see someone who would be happy no matter what I did. I looked down at her wrinkled face, noticing how the war had changed her somehow. It changed everyone.

"Come in, come in!"

"It's so good to see you."

She smiled at me and closed the door, motioning me forward into the kitchen. I remembered one time when I was little, my mother and I had tried to cook a cake, Muggle style. Let's just say the kitchen still had flour everywhere after a week. My mother stopped me before we entered the kitchen, putting her finger to her lips to quiet me.

"Hey Lyall, guess who decided to give us a surprise visit!"

My father, who now had a full beard, looked up from his newspaper with a curious look on his face.

I walked out into the kitchen, giving my father a smile.

"Remus."

His straight face broke into a grin as he got up and embraced me tightly. "It's good to see you dad." I said happily, closing my eyes tightly. All those memories of being a lonely child in this house came flooding back to me. The days of looking out the window, wishing I could just be a normal kid again. A sad feeling rushed over me for a second, but it vanished as soon as I looked back at my father's shining eyes.

"Sit down would ya! I'll go get you some coffee or something."

My father rushed out of the room as I sat down at the table, my mother giving me a kind smile. She handed me a plate of food, and even though I had already ate, I started to nibble on it. I guess I hadn't eaten in a long time, since I didn't exactly have a cook while I was visiting the werewolves. My mother stared at me as I ate, none of us really saying anything.

"How have you been mother?"

"I have been well my son…keeping busy. Your father mostly sits around most of the time, being a lazy old bum."

I chuckled at this and took another bite of the eggs. Oh how I missed my mother's cooking. I'm afraid I wasn't the best cook when it came to doing it by myself. My mother was watching me carefully, a small, but questioning smile on her gentle face. I ate in silence as my mother sat and watched me, the clock ticking extremely loud.

"What's wrong my dear?"

"Nothing is-"

My mother held up her hand, quieting me.

"I know when something is bothering you Remus. You're too quiet. So tell me…is it about a girl?"

I immediately started blushing at my mother's guess. I had forgotten how good she was at figuring out people's problems. Should I tell her about Tonks? I asked myself, seeing her observe me closely. Surely I couldn't lie to her; I had never lied to her in my life! I wasn't about to start now.

I sighed deeply and nodded.

"Yes."

"Well then what's the problem? Does she not like you back?"

My mother had excitement in her voice, which I could understand, considering I hadn't exactly been a chick magnet in my younger days. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "No mother, that's the problem. I'm pretty sure she does like me back." I answered. Obviously she didn't understand, because she just stared at me like I was stupid.

"She's almost thirteen years younger than me mum."

"Love has no age my dear."

I sighed and turned away from her, knowing she was right but wishing she wasn't.

My mother touched my hand, making me turn towards her.

"Remus, if you like this girl, you must tell her."

"But I don't like her mother…I love her."

**Sorry I haven't updated in a few days! Basketball kicked my ass this week. hahahahah.**

**I love Eminem. **

**Random fact, hahahaha. **


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20- Innocence **

**Tonks P.O.V**

"Good evening Tonks."

"Wotcher Remus."

I walked towards Remus, who was standing a few feet away from the castle doors. The first thing I had noticed was how quiet it was; since it was Christmas, there wasn't many kids there at all. Just a couple of the single teachers silently walking through the halls. I glanced over at Remus, who was avoiding all eye contact with me. Even when he said good evening, his eyes were looking away from me.

"So…how's it going?"

Ever since _it _got bad, I have hated silence. It just gave my thoughts another opportunity to take over. Remus merely peered over at me, shrugging his slumped shoulders. "I'm well," he replied. "How are you?" To be honest with you, it didn't sound like he even cared. His mind appeared to be somewhere else. I shrugged as we walked through the Hogwart's halls, making our way up to the Astronomy Tower.

"Fine."

"Just fine?"

"However fine you can feel while you're keeping watch on Christmas."

Remus chuckled a bit while I flashed him a quick smile. There was something about his laugh that just made you feel like you are worth something. As we turned the corner to the staircase that led to the Astronomy Tower, my feet stumbled on something, sending me falling facedown into the stone floor. Isn't this just a great Christmas break?

"Tonks! Are you alright?"

"I think so…damn kids and their stupid broomsticks."

I felt a bruise forming on my knee, which was surely going to hurt tomorrow. This was just not my week. Remus kindly helped me back onto my feet, but I couldn't help but notice he was grinning a bit. I gave him a glare as I brushed the dirt off my jeans. "Stop laughing." I demanded, looking away from him. Remus finally let out his laugh and then shook his head as he caught up with me.

"My apologies Tonks."

"You are not forgiven."

I briskly walked all the way up to the Astronomy Tower without another word. The quiet footsteps behind me followed me until we got to the guard post. I didn't understand why this was necessary; it wasn't like there was anyone here. Why would someone attack the school when there wasn't anyone in it? I peered up into the starry sky, watching the stars sparkle brightly. At least I had something to look at while we were on guard.

I hadn't even noticed Remus come up next to me.

"Beautiful evening."

"Only because I'm here."

It wasn't my goal to make Remus laugh, but I seemed to be doing that a lot now. I was mad at him! Why did he have to laugh and make me feel guilty for being upset with him? Maybe he just felt awkward about last night; that's why he didn't look at me or talk to me when we first got here and in the morning at the Weasley's. It doesn't matter…he was a jerk for leaving like that.

_But you forgave him for that…_

Shut up, I told myself as Remus glanced over at me.

"You always had a way of making people laugh Dora."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Oh, so now it's Dora?" I asked him. Remus stopped smiling and looked away from my stare, avoiding my question. "You ignored me when we first got here and this morning, and now you're calling me Dora?" I repeated, really starting to get angry with him. Why were boys so confusing?! I ran a hand through my hair, which I remembered, had started to fall out a little during these past three, extremely stressful weeks.

There was a silent, incredibly awkward pause.

The water and crickets were audible in the background, and I pushed all my thoughts away so I could try and focus on them. I quite enjoyed these sounds; in the past few weeks, I had tried to use them to calm me down, but to no avail. None of the less, these noises seemed to calm me down a little, and I felt even more guilty for making Remus feel bad.

I turned back to him and sighed, "I'm sorry Remus…it's just-you're so confusing sometimes. It makes me extremely frustrated." I confessed, leaning my forearms on the balcony railing. Remus just glanced at me, his expression hard to read. I had a bad feeling this was going to be an awkward night.

For the next few hours, we stood there. Watching, listening, waiting for something to happen.

Nothing did happen; except for the Thestral with her baby walking out to the middle of the field to get something to eat. They ended up eating a squirrel, which I found quite odd. Luna had explained to me that they only eat meat and they can only be seen by people who have seen death. This made me feel a little sad, knowing that Remus had saw them too.

I watched them for the next hour we were there. The little one seemed to be having fun in the long grass, which made me smile. It kind of reminded me of Luna; doing things that most people would think was strange, but doing it anyway because it makes her happy. Remus happened to see me smiling at the creatures, and asked me what I was thinking.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Luna. What are you thinking about?"

He smiled perfectly, making my heart melt a bit more.

"Honestly? You."

"Oh really?" I asked, even though I was sure my heart was about to beat out of my chest. "And why would you be thinking about me?" I questioned, hoping he didn't think of me because he saw the Thestrals. Remus looked up to the sky, still smiling. "When darkness falls at each day's end, stars will light the way. Shining bright, they give us hope, as we dream of a brand new day. If you listen very closely, there is magic in the air. Tomorrow holds a promise- a chance to start anew. You'll find a reason to believe." Remus said, apparently quoting one of his favorite philosophers.

"Who said that?"

"It doesn't matter…I was looking at the stars and they reminded me of you."

I snorted a bit, "Why, because they crash and burn into the ground?"

Remus shook his head and looked into my gaze.

"No…because they shine brightly in the sky, giving everyone an opportunity to wish for something they once believed could never happen."

I stared over into Remus's green, twinkling eyes. Did…did he really mean what he just said? My brain was so scrambled with all my thoughts, so I couldn't make out if it was a compliment or not. It appeared, by the way that Remus was staring at me, that it was. This was the reason that I couldn't be mad at him for long; that look. He had that innocent look that he always pulled on me, making me feel guilty.

I opened my mouth to speak, but a loud banging noise came from behind where we were standing.

We bolted around, wands out, wondering if this was the attack the Ministry was afraid would happen. If it was, this would be the first time.

"Show yourself!"

More clutter was heard from the dark as Remus and I stood there, gripping our wands tightly. I wondered if my heartbeat was audible to him; if it was, surely the person hiding in the shadows could hear it too. That was not a good thing. The clutter stopped, and I half thought that someone was going to jump out and attack us. But instead, Harry popped out from the darkness.

I let out a deep breath and lowered my wand.

"My goodness Harry, don't scare us like that!"

"Sorry Tonks! Kingsley's been kidnapped."

It took me a few seconds to realize what he said, since he said it so abruptly.

"Wait, what?! When? How?"

Remus stepped closer to Harry, an extremely worried look visible on his moonlight lit face. "How did it happen Harry?" he asked, his voice shaking a bit. I knew how close Kingsley and him were, and how tragic it would be for him if something were to happen to his friend. Harry looked almost as worried as Kingsley, but he managed to cough out what had happened.

"Sirius and were going to visit him, but just as we opened the door to his office, some guys Apparated with him." He informed us briefly. "We didn't know what to do, so Sirius told me to go spread the news."

"We must get to the Ministry right away."

Remus P.O.V

Kingsley was gone.

It was clear that he had just vanished. There was no sign of struggle; not even a paper out of place. What no one understood was how they had gotten past the protective charms. They were even stronger then before the war, so how had they gotten past them? As I walked around my friend's empty office, many questions swarmed my head. For the first time in weeks, my mind was no longer focused on Tonks. She was still creeping in the back of my mind, but my main concern now was Kingsley.

"What happened?"

Mad-Eye's grumpy voice came booming through the hallways as he trudged down the granite floor. "Kingsley has been kidnapped, it would seem." I explained quickly as Moody came into the room. Even with my wolf-like senses, I could not make out any distinctive smell. Then again, I had been around werewolves for the past three weeks, so my smelling abilities were probably pretty weak. I noticed Tonks had not said one word since we got here. As I walked past her, she appeared to be thinking extremely hard.

Mad-Eye seemed especially grumpy today. His frown was bigger than usual and his eyes were darting around frantically. "Well? What are you all waiting for?! Who volunteers for the search party to find Kingsley?" Mad-Eye Moody said. There was silence in the room for a second, then Tonks stepped forward. "I will of course." She said. The rest of the people followed, which happened to be all of the Weasley's and Harry. Sirius looked concerned when all of the kids volunteered. I knew he worried about them just as much as he worried about Harry.

But Tonks…

I could not let Tonks do this.

"Tonks, can I talk to you for a second in private?"

Tonks gave me a confused look, but followed me into the hallway, where I shut the door behind her.

"What do you think you're doing?! You can't go on this mission!"

"What do you mean? I think I can decide for myself if I want to go on a dangerous mission to save my friend."

I could tell she was angry with me, but I still continued on.

"Don't you understand? We don't know who we are dealing with here! Besides, you're not exactly in the right-condition- to go on this mission."

Tonks glared at me, crossing her arms and tapping her foot a few times. Anger was flaring in her usually calm, happy brown eyes. Her face was flushed and her nose was red, probably from the cold wind that hit us when we were on guard. Did she not understand that I cared about her?! I stared back at her now cold eyes, not backing down from this.

"Whose fault is that Remus?"

I rolled my eyes, upset that she brought that up again.

"That isn't the point here Tonks! I don't want you to get hurt!"

"Why not?!"

"Because I love you!"

I swear my heart stopped for a second.

Tonks and I stared at each other, the anger gone from the air, replaced by confusion. Something was hidden beneath her eyes, but I couldn't tell what it was. My heavy breaths filled the quiet air as I averted my attention away from her gaze. I could not believe I just admitted that I loved Tonks. How could I be so stupid! That was not what she wanted to hear right now.

The door opened as Tonks continued to stare at me.

Sirius and Harry were standing a few feet from us, silently asking what was going on.

"So…are you guys ready?"

Looking at Tonks one more time, I nodded firmly.

"Let's go."

**It's been a while guys, sorry! I'm now failing Science and Math…but it's okay because I have an A+ in English!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21-Disobidience **

**Remus P.O.V**

I couldn't let her do this.

There was so many terrible things that could happen. If they did find Kingsley, surely there would be an ambush waiting. Nothing good ever comes from ambushes. What if she was tortured? I don't think I could live with myself if that happened. It would be all my fault if she went through even more turmoil. Tonks would be over…even if she did survive the awful ways they could hurt her.

Or she wouldn't survive.

Tonks could die on this mission; I know she's been on more dangerous missions than this, but things have changed since her last life-threatening mission. My feelings have changed, is what I mean to say. Everything I know about treacherous situations has been upgraded by twenty percent. All because I know I have something to lose now; Tonks.

"Remus mate…what was that little shouting match about back there? I heard some of it you know."

Sirius put a hand on my back as we walked through the stairs down to the prisons. We were going to see if Louis knew anything about this, or if he had the entire thing planned. That was a good possibility, since Louis and his little werewolf clan were the only known "against the Ministry" clubs out there. Further into the investigation of Andromeda's murder, we discovered that him and the rest of his pack were in a revolt against the Ministry. So, in other words, it was no accident that Louis attacked Andromeda.

I glanced over at Sirius, whose shaggy appearance had returned since he had been running his hand through his hair for the past half hour. His questioning look made me uncomfortable, so I broke the eye contact and opened the door to the cells. "Don't worry about it Padfoot." I answered. "It was simply just a argument about whether she should go on this mission or not." The dust filled my nostrils as we briskly walked past the first few cells. The ground hadn't been mopped in a while, it appeared, so I understood why there was coughs and wheezing noises coming from the delinquents.

My friend glanced over at me with a worried expression on his face.

"I don't see why she shouldn't go on it."

"Think about it Sirius; she isn't in the best condition right now, and I have a very bad feeling this would just make it worse! Besides, we don't know what we're dealing with. Do you want your depressed, ill baby cousin to die like that? Not even knowing what it was that caused her end?"

I think I finally knew what it felt like to be Tonks.

My brain was spinning as I tried to focus on Sirius's blurry face. I felt as if my mind had no control over my body. However, I was able to see his reaction to my statement. Fear filled his eyes as we made our way to Louis's cell. "Maybe you're right Remus," he started hastily. "I think Tonks has just been putting on a good show. As much as I hate to leave her behind…I think she should get better before she concerns herself with any of this." Sirius said, taking out his wand.

I gave him a weak smile, silently knowing that Tonks would be extremely pissed off that I convinced Sirius to make her stay behind. I was going to pay for this when we got back, but at least Tonks would be safe. That was all I cared about after all.

"Well hello there."

Louis was dirty; he looked as if he hadn't bathed in weeks (Which he probably hadn't). His face had smudge marks all across it, his clothes were torn and had mud all over them, and his bed was thrown around and dirty. I gave him a glare as we opened the door, preparing to interrogate him. The first memories I made with Tonks came running back to my thoughts as I looked into his cold eyes.

The first time she broke the law and stole a file, the first time she was in prison…the first mission we went on. It all came back to me, but I didn't exactly have time to reminisce. Sirius glanced at me quickly, then turned back to Louis and gave him his famous dog-like glare. "I think you have some information for us _Louis_." He said, crossing his arms across his chest. I leaned against the doors and stared at the werewolf, hoping we would get some good information from him.

"How can I be of your service?"

"A friend of ours is missing. Taken by someone or something. Do you know of any other groups out there that have something against the Ministry?"

I hadn't said a word yet; I think I would let Sirius do all the talking, since I had a good chance of losing my temper today and could blow this whole thing up. Louis's face creeped up into a smirk as Sirius started to walk around the cell. "Why would you think I know anything about this?" He asked tauntingly. Padfoot got an angry look on his face, something I had not seen in a while.

Sirius grabbed Louis by the shoulders and stared at him hard.

"Listen to me very closely Louis. I am not someone you want to mess with; especially when someone's life is at stake. Do you understand me? If you tell us the wrong information and it gets someone hurt, you're going to pay for it."

Louis had a frightened look on his face, too my delight.

"Now…why don't you tell us all about this little plan before things get really messy."

Sirius can be very convincing at times…and this was one of those times.

I stayed silent and let Sirius work his magic. Louis looked at him, then at me. "I heard something a while back about a werewolf clan." He started, nervously looking at Sirius as he spoke. "They said they were going to make the Ministry pay for the new werewolf law they created." Louis informed us. Sirius looked at me, and I looked at Louis.

"Did they not know that the new Ministry reversed almost all werewolf laws?"

"Trust me, they knew. Even tried to get me to join once or twice! They're the ones making all the werewolves, in case you were wondering."

I gritted my teeth together, thinking of werewolves running around, completely unaware of the fact that they were about to cause someone terrible pain and prejudice for the rest of their life. I bet they didn't even care! They didn't care because no one had ever cared about them. It really made me upset to think that someone could be so heartless and cold. Sure, I've known people like that my entire life, but it was different this time. It's different for people like me to be like that.

"You do know that if you're lying we have the right to kill you, right?"

Louis's eyes got wide and he shook his head roughly.

"I'm not lying, I swear! They said they were planning something big for the Ministry! Something bad!"

Sirius looked at me, and I looked right back at him. I was pretty good at telling when someone was lying, and Louis appeared to be telling the truth. I gave him a nod and he started to open the cell door. "Well Louis, you've been quite useful to us. Remember if you're lying to us, punishment will come." Sirius said, giving Louis one last look before shutting the door. Louis nodded stiffly and leaned back in his bed, his mind obviously spinning.

Sirius and I waited until we got to the stairs to talk.

He turned to me immediately with a worried look on his grungy face. "Do you think it was that pack you visited?" Sirius asked me. It was quite a good possibility that it could be, but I didn't know if I should tell Sirius that. It would make him worry an awful lot, since the werewolves I knew from that certain clan were extremely violent and abusive.

"It's possible…but I think we should inform Mad-Eye before we jump to any conclusions."

I had the oddest feeling that Moody already knew.

Tonks P.o.V

I won't even begin to go into my thoughts yet.

At the moment, I was in Kingsley's office, trying to find any sign that gave us a clue to where he was. So far, nothing was there. Not even a single speck of dust. Mad-Eye was getting pretty frustrated already; he started to pace and curse under his breath excessively. Normally I would have been laughing, but nothing about myself or this situation was normal, so I just sat there and looked around the room awkwardly.

Just as I looked at a picture of Kingsley and my father, something caught my senses.

First it was a smell; a smell that I knew all too well. It went all the way back to that horrific night when my mother was killed by her own daughter. That smell had been there too, but I couldn't quite make out what it was. Another memory came flooding back; when Remus and I had went into the woods to capture Louis. I remembered the smell flooding my nostrils when the cold wind ripped across my face.

"Werewolves."

Mad-Eye looked at me like I was the crazy one.

"What?"

"Werewolves…they took Kingsley. I smell it."

"You _smell_ it?"

Mad-Eye Moody raised his crazy eyebrow at me as I averted my attention back to him. I rolled my eyes and nodded, "Yes, I smell it. I've smelt it many times before…I know it was them. They took Kingsley." I said, running my hand over his empty chair, where the smell was at its strongest. Mad-Eye stared at me for a while, then sighed deeply. "I guess that's a start." He grumbled, opening the door loudly.

I gave him a glare, "I'm not crazy Moody." I growled at him, knowing exactly what he was thinking. Mad-Eye looked back at me with a softer expression. "I don't think you're crazy Nymphadora," he started. "I just don't think you're at your best health right now." I'm no philosopher, but I was pretty sure that was just a nicer way of saying "insane". Just as I was about to open my mouth and say something back, Remus and Sirius came into the room.

"The werewolves have Kingsley."

Mad-Eye looked just as surprised as I felt.

He grunted, "Tonks beat ya to it. I guess we'll start with that then. Come on, let's go." Moody said as he wobbled out of the room. I had no intentions of wanting to know how Remus and Sirius came to figure this out as well, so I simply just tried to follow Mad-Eye out of the room. However, I didn't get very far. Sirius pushed me back lightly into the room with a concerned look on his aging face.

"You're staying here Tonks."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are Tonks! In your condition, it's too dangerous for you to be doing risky things. I don't want to risk my cousin's life by letting her go out and try to find one of my good friends."

I glared at Sirius and then at Remus.

"He's _my_ friend too Sirius. In fact, I think I know him better than either of you!"

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other quickly.

"Just stay here Tonks…please? For m-us?"

Remus gave me a pleading look. No matter how cute he looked when he did that, I wasn't going to give in. Being clever me, I decided to do what I do best: act. I sighed and crossed my arms, "Okay, fine! I'll stay here." I said convincingly. Sirius and Remus looked a little surprised, but I could tell they were pleased. My cousin gave me a tight hug, "Thank you Tonks. I want you to focus on getting better while we're gone alright? You're welcome to anything in the house. We shouldn't be gone for very long." He said as we broke apart. I gave him a short smile, then turned to Remus sharply.

"Don't get killed."

"I won't."

There was a look in his eyes that I hadn't seen before: confusion.

As I tried to figure out why, Sirius and Remus disappeared slowly down the hallway. I must have stood there for at least ten minutes before a noise woke me up.

"Tonks! I just heard the news! Have you any idea where he is?"

Molly Weasley came running down the hallway with Ginny behind her.

"No they haven't…but we have a pretty good idea where he is."

"Oh thank heavens! Are you going too?"

I gave her a mysterious smile and nodded.

"Of course I'm going! What kind of Auror would I be if I didn't?"

**Love you all! hope you're having a good week!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22-Magical Wisdom**

**Remus P.O.V**

It was cold.

Not just the freezing winter atmosphere, but the cold feelings inside my heart. It was a lonely feeling; kind of like if you were alone in a forest. Except you weren't alone…there was people surrounding you, but you couldn't hear a word they said. I stepped over a dead branch as we trudged through the dirty snow, on our way to find Kingsley.

I knew this wasn't going to end well; these things never did.

I peered up at the sky, wondering if the sun would ever come out again. There was a cloudy, gloomy shadow over the entire blanket of sky still visible. Darkness was upon us, but that didn't matter. We would not stop until we found Kingsley. No matter how tired, cold, or sick we were. He would do the same for us if one of us was kidnapped.

"We going the right way Remus?"

The dead trees with faded slash marks caught my eyes as I searched the area. "It appears so…I made these slash marks a few weeks back." I replied to Sirius, whose hair was covering most of his face. That was one reason that I was happy I didn't have long hair. Sure, it would be warm, but it would be all over your face.

The tip of my nose was cold, along with my fingers and feet. I had not prepared myself for this very well; while I was grabbing clothes my mind wasn't exactly focused on that at the moment. Tonks was on my mind. In fact, she had been on my mind ever since I turned around and left the Ministry.

_How mad would she be at me?_ I thought as the rest of the group walked a little ways ahead of me. Surely she would slip back into her depression if I didn't turn around and tell her she could come with us. No one wanted that…but it's just too dangerous for her. At least if she never talked to me again I would know that I saved her life.

I kept walking, unaware that I was now completely alone.

I kept telling myself things like that; that she would live longer if she didn't go on this mission. It would all be better if Tonks stayed home and got better.

I knew I was lying to myself, but I am a very stubborn person.

There was a snap behind me, causing me to turn around. A quick flashback about last time I was in this forest woke me up from my trance. Where is everyone? Is Sirius just playing a joke on me? I looked around in the snow, searching for footprints of my friends. There was nothing; not even a smell of them. It was snowing now, making the air seem even colder.

_Great, just great._

"Sirius? Mad-Eye?"

I waited for a second.

There was no response.

The only thing audible was a howl in the distance.

Tonks P.O.V

I hate the cold.

Honestly, I think it's the worst thing ever invented. I don't even know how it was invented, but I don't care. I hate it. Silently cursing the snow, I drug my feet through the huge piles of snowflakes. The trees were whispering through the forest, while the air was yelling at anything that stood in its way. Coldness was all over my body; a sensation that I knew too well.

"Damn snow."

Right as I was talking to myself about how I hate the winter, there was a quiet cough behind me.

Stopping dead in my tracks, my heart beat loudly with the rhythm of the wind. Who could that be? Surely Sirius and the others were miles ahead of me by now. If it wasn't them, there was only two options as to who it could be: the werewolves that would probably kill me, or one of Voldemort's forgotten followers…who would also probably kill me.

I pulled my hood up a little ways so they wouldn't see my face. They hadn't said anything yet, but I could hear them standing only a few feet behind me. Their footsteps crunched under the snow as they inched even closer to me. Knowing I would only have one chance to defend myself, I slipped my wand out from my cloak.

"Tonks?!"

You got to be joking.

"Remus."

I turned around and stared at Remus's shocked face. What was he doing out here all alone? Where had everyone else gone? "Wotcher." I grumbled, turning away from him again. I knew he was going to try to send me home, so I wasn't about to stick around for long. The wind seemed to get even colder now that there was some tension in the air.

A hand reached out and grabbed my arm gently, "Tonks, wait."

"I'm not going back Remus."

"I know Tonks. I was wrong to think that you couldn't handle yourself."

I stared at Remus, recognizing the sincere look in his hazel eyes. They reminded me of a poem I wrote about spring one time, when I was actually happy. The way the green tint looked like a flower…it gave me good thoughts for the first time in weeks. "Yeah, you were wrong." I said, a little gentler then my last comment. Deep down, I knew Remus was sorry; but I was just too stubborn. I wouldn't go down without an apology from him.

I turned away again, the silence filling the chilly air.

"Tonks, how did you get here?"

"I listened to your plan from behind the door yesterday."

Remus chuckled a bit as he rubbed his hands together, "I should have known."

"Why are you out here all alone?"

"I allowed my thoughts to take over and lost sight of them."

I gave him a little smile, "Typical you." I teased him. His laugh rang through the entire forest, even though it wasn't even that loud. I never really was a big fan of forests…I guess I just had enough bad memories that involved getting lost in a empty forest. They were just too quiet for me.

"Shall we continue on together?"

I gave him a strange look, "You're not going to send me back?" I asked curiously. _He couldn't have changed his mind that fast_, I thought to myself. Remus smiled small and shrugged his aching shoulders, "Well I don't think I could get through this forest alone. Nor do I think I could get you to go back home." He responded, walking a few feet towards me. He was right there; there was no way I was going back home when my friend was out there somewhere.

"Got that right."

"So…may I join you?"

I rolled my eyes teasingly and smiled.

"I guess so."

W_hat happened to being angry and annoyed with him? _I asked myself silently. Remus and I started to walk through the forest, watching the snow fall down onto the frozen ground. Things change very quickly. A few minutes ago I was just freezing and walking alone in the woods, and now Remus and I were walking through the forest, no longer very cold.

An owl hooted in the distance, making me smile.

"I love owls."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really. They're so adorable!"

Remus chuckled and shook his head, apparently not agreeing with me. My mouth dropped open in shock at him. "What?! Are you kidding?! How could you not like owls?" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up a little bit. Remus shrugged again, "They're rather annoying when you lived by a forest your whole life." He said, referring to himself. I rolled my eyes as we came to a clearing in the forest. "Well you're just a crabby middle-aged guy. They're adorable and I love them." I replied, watching one fly above s gracefully.

Remus peered over at me, a curious look on his face.

"Why do you love them?"

His tone was serious now, causing me to stop smiling.

"Well…they're adorable."

"Besides that."

I shrugged as the wind got stronger, pushing my balance off a bit.

"Because they're calm."

"So you love owls because they're calm?"

I nodded at him, completely serious. "Yes. They're always calm; never in dangerous situations. It seems like they're always happy and light, ya know?" I tried to explain to Remus. He watched me carefully, seeming to be in a daze of some sort. "You used to be like that." Remus said quietly. I closed my mouth and stared ahead, wondering how I came to be in this position.

After a long pause, I replied.

"Yeah, I guess I did."

As if nothing happened, Remus smiled at me.

"I think we should stop for the night. Just for a few hours."

He started to walk away from me, but out of my own foolishness, I stopped him. This man…was in love with me. _In love _with me. Now he was acting like that never happened? That didn't make any sense to me. How could you forget that you admitted to someone that you were in love with them? I can tell you right now, I will never forget when I told Luna I was in love with Remus.

I was in love with his smile. I was in love with his voice. I was in love with his bravery. I was in love with everything about him.

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

I swallowed my feelings and said something else.

"I'm glad I found you."

He gave me a smile and walked away.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23-Sounds**

**Tonks P.O.V**

Remus and I were laying by the fireplace in silence.

It wasn't really an awkward silence…it was just that neither of us had anything to say to each other. I kept myself busy by trying to carve a knife out of a dead tree branch I found. Remus watched me for a while, then averted his attention to the sky. We sat there, not talking, for about an hour. I couldn't take it anymore, so I spoke up.

"Where do you think Kingsley is?"

My words startled him a little, causing him to sit up.

"I don't know. Hopefully he's with the werewolves."

I raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously, "Hopefully? Is that a good thing if he's been kidnapped by werewolves?" I asked Remus. He shrugged a little, "In a way, yes. That way we won't have to wait and find another possible location he could be at. It's also bad though…those werewolves…well, they aren't friendly." Remus said with a nervous voice. I had never really seen him be nervous; usually he was very confident and steady.

"What do you mean?"

"When I was there for those three weeks, they were nothing but terrible. Only one man was at least kind enough to supply me with bandages and other supplies for my injuries."

I bit my cheek hard, realizing that those werewolves must have hurt Remus very bad. It made me extremely mad to think that someone who admired Remus so much could hurt him like that. I didn't understand at all. I stopped carving my stick for a second to glance up at his shining eyes. "Was it bad?" I questioned him quietly. There was no telling how many people were probably creeping around in this forest, so I had to keep my voice down.

"On a scale of one to ten, it was probably an eleven.

For some reason he was laughing a bit while he said it. I frowned at him, leaning over on my elbow so I could get a better look at him. Remus had an amused look on his scarred face and he peered over at me. "You think it's funny that you got the crap beat out of you by some werewolves?" I asked, not seeing what was so funny about it.

"It is kind of funny when you think about it! My admirers…so mad at me that I don't answer their questions that they asked."

Remus was laughing pretty hard now; I was actually wondering if he had gone a little…crazy. I watched as he held his stomach in pain as he continued to giggle like a child. I rolled my eyes and glanced back up at the stars, observing as they shot across the dark clouds that covered the rest of the sky like a blanket. In my mind, I wondered what Luna was doing right now.

I assumed she was looking at the sky, just as I was.

Probably wondering where I was and if I was safe or not. I'm sure someone had told her about where I had gone and what I was doing. She worried about me, I knew, but I would be okay. I promised myself that every day; that I would be okay just so Luna wouldn't have to watch another person she loved die. It really meant a lot to me to not let her down.

My thoughts were interrupted by Remus's darting eyes.

"What?"

He shrugged and gave a little smile, looking up at the sky as I was.

"Isn't this strange? The two of us…just laying here in the middle of a forest."

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to laugh.

But I couldn't.

"It's pretty strange." I replied blankly, silently wishing a star would fall on me. Remus turned his head towards the sky again, noticing that I wasn't really in the mood. I didn't mean to make him feel bad; that's just how things usually ended up for me now. "You know Tonks, you used to laugh like that all the time. Remember?" Remus asked me quietly.

I paused for a second, then looked at Remus.

He was right again, of course. I remember when I used to giggle and snort whenever someone told a stupid joke that wasn't even funny. I think that was what made it so funny to me; the fact that no one else was laughing. This made me smile a bit…thinking of those past days when I used to have loads of fun.

"Remus, can I ask you a question?"

"You just did, but yes Tonks, you may ask me a question."

I rolled my eyes, but got serious.

"When you said that you loved me, did you mean it?"

I asked it very quick to avoid long eye contact with him. Those few words he said had been haunting my mind for the past few hours. That was the reason he was talking so much; he didn't want to give me time to remember it. It didn't work though; my thoughts were too complex and powerful for anything to get in their way.

Remus was quiet.

The silence was almost unbearable. I was staring at him, while he was looking up at the sky. Why couldn't he just tell me the truth?! I yelled in my mind. I mean, he didn't know that I loved him back! if he would just admit that he did love me, I would tell him too! But if he didn't actually mean it and I confessed my feelings…let's just say things would never be the same.

Something changed my train of thought.

A sound…a terrible, high-pitched noise.

Like when a microphone is held up next to the speaker and it makes that ear-bleeding screeching noise. That was what it sounded like. I sat up and looked away from Remus, looking deep into the forest. It was coming from the right side of me, North of where we were sitting. "Tonks? What is it?" Remus asked me, but I waved him off. The sound seemed to get louder and louder; nothing else was now audible. Just that noise.

I stood up from my spot, walking slowly into the forest. I covered my ears, wanting the screeching noise to just go away. But there was something drawing me to it…deeper and deeper into the forest I went. I walked with my hands over my ears, wondering if I was slowly losing my mind. I don't know how long I walked, or where I had walked to, but when I got to a clearing in the forest, the noise stopped.

Silence filled my ears as I stood in the empty clearing.

Something shiny caught my eyes. It was coming out of the shadows of the forest right in front of me. I barely had time to duck as the knife came darting past over my head. I was unable to talk or move as I lay on the cold, dusty ground. I peered back, seeing the knife in the tree. As I looked at the reflection from the knife, voices started filling my head.

_Don't run away, they're going to catch you!_

_Run! Run away fast! Before they get you!_

_You're so stupid! Just stop thinking and let them get you!_

_Get out of there right now!_

I didn't think it was my brain talking now. Usually my thoughts were more one-sided then these ones. No…these had been planted in my brain somehow. I was sure of it. As I looked up slowly, I saw more flashes of steel coming from the darkness of the trees. I had to get out of here right now. Standing up quickly, I pulled my wand out quickly as I stumbled to my feet, running in the opposite direction of the knives that were now flying at me.

"Tonks! Where-"

I grabbed Remus's hand and drug him along with me, away from the sharp pointed objects darting towards us. There was more than I can count all coming towards us, aimed at our entire bodies. The weirdest thing about it was, was that it was totally silent. The terrible noise wasn't there anymore, no one was talking or breathing, and there was no sounds coming from the forest. Nothing.

We ran and ran for what seemed like forever.

Finally, I couldn't do it anymore.

I fell to the ground, my body collapsing from fatigue. My hands gripped the grass tightly, my thoughts knowing that this was the end. Remus stopped abruptly, running a few feet back to me and grabbing my hand. "Tonks, come on!" He exclaimed. Shaking my head, I jerked out of his grasp and motioned for him to go away. "Go Remus. Just go." I whispered, looking up into his fear-filled eyes.

"I am not leaving you here Tonks."

He shielded me with his body as we prepared for the knives to come.

But they never did.

"What the bloody hell are you two doing?!"

Mad-Eye Moody's voice came booming through the trees, disrupting the silence. I opened my eyes to see the whole Order standing there staring at us with panicked looks on their faces. "We thought you were a goner Remus! Where did you go?" Sirius asked, helping his friend up. I remained on the ground, not knowing what to do.

"I got lost. Tonks came wandering in a while later."

"Tonks? Are you alright?"

Hermione walked towards me, leaning down to get a better look at me. I nodded slowly, although I was nowhere near okay. She helped me up and I struggled to stand, my knees weak from the lack of rest they have gotten the past few weeks. Everyone was looking at me strange, but I ignored them.

"W-What was that?"

"A defensive charm."

Remus scowled, "Some kind of defensive charm." He grumbled, glancing over at me. "Did y-you hear it?" I asked him quietly. He looked at me confused, "Hear what?" Remus asked me. My heart was beating so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts. "The noise." I answered simply, looking at all of my friends. None of them seemed to have any idea what I was talking about.

Sirius stepped forward and put a hand on my arm.

"Come on Tonks, I'll take you home so you can rest."

I jerked my arm away from my cousin.

"I'm not going until we find Kingsley."

Sirius was about to respond when a blood-curtailing scream was heard. Immediately everyone started to run in direction of the scream, with worry that it could be our dear friend. I was in the back of the pack alone, trying to keep with my thoughts and everyone else. Remus somehow ended up beside me and whispered quietly to me. 

"I meant it Tonks. Every word."

**Love you guys: )**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24-Can You Love Me Again?

Tonks P.O.V

We have to get to Kingsley.

After what Remus told me about these werewolves, I knew they wouldn't be gentle with him. He would probably be dead if we didn't find him soon! Honestly, I didn't think the scream we heard was Kingsley's; it sounded just like a fake, girly scream to lure us in. But would anyone listen to the crazy girl? No. I knew everyone thought I was crazy by the way they looked at me when I passed them.

We had been walking for about an hour and seen nothing yet.

No footprints, no more screams, nothing. It was extremely frustrating to me since I had just heard hundreds of kinds of sounds only a while ago. Now it was so quiet and open. I hated it, but I didn't have a choice. If I even gave someone a wrong look, Sirius would take me home faster than I could say Quidditch.

"No sign of him here either."

"That's what you've been saying for the past hour."

"Would you like to take the lead Mad-Eye?! Would you like to try and find your friend who vanished without a trace?!"

Sirius and Moody were getting under each other's skin, it appeared. Remus stepped between the two and tried to calm them both down. "If we start fighting amongst ourselves we are never going to find Kingsley," Remus said truthfully. "Let's just take a short break so everyone can get calmed down." He suggested, taking Sirius aside. Mad-Eye grumbled something, but walked the other way and sat down on a rock. While everyone seemed to be silently giving up, I still had tons of energy.

I can only explain it as simple as this:

It was the same energy I had when I was determined to find my mother's killer.

"I'm gunna go a little farther and see if there's anything."

No one replied, so I just walked out of the clearing and deeper into the forest. _Well I guess no one needs me, _I thought, jumping over a dead tree branch. It was just my luck that I would catch my clumsy foot on it and fall face-first onto the ground. It may not have made a big noise, but boy did it hurt. I grabbed my wrist in pain and glanced up, wondering if there was anything else I should be worried about.

Footprints.

_What?_

Sitting up a little, I stared at the brand new footprints that were imprinted in the dirt. No one I knew had those kind of boots. It had to be Kingsley! It just had to be!

Ignoring the pain in my arm, I stood up and started running back to the camp.

But I was stopped by a face in the tree.

No, I'm not insane. There was actually a face in the tree! It was smiling at me…and there was something about that smile that looked awfully similar. Stopping dead in my tracks, I backed up to get a better look at the tree. I nearly chocked when I saw whose face it was.

"Luna! What the hell-"

"Sorry Tonks, I don't have a lot of time to talk, so I'll explain when you get back."

I closed my mouth and nodded for her to continue.

"Those are not Kingsley's footprints."

I nearly felt all my hope swoosh out of my heart. "What do you mean they aren't his?" I asked, extremely grumpy all of a sudden. Luna's tree face wasn't smiling anymore as she continued speaking. "Those are someone in your group's footprints. You're going in circles Tonks. You are not following them; they're following _you._" Luna said sadly.

_Of_ _course_ _we_ _hadn't_ _found_ _them_, I thought foolishly. They weren't going to let some wizards come in here and take their new possession back! They had been playing us the entire time! How I was going to convince the whole pack about this, I didn't know, but I knew what I had to do. I gave Luna a quick smile as I started to walk away, "You're a genius Luna, you know that? I owe you big time! Thanks!" Tree Luna smiled and waved goodbye.

Knowing Luna, since she loved trees, she would probably stay in that thing for a while.

I ran through the trees and back to the group, who were all sitting around, ignoring each other. The younger ones were trying to start up a conversation, but no one else was contributing. "Everyone get up _now_." I said, making everyone jump in fear. "What's going on? What did you find?" Mad-Eye asked quickly, trudging towards me a bit.

"They're following us."

"Who is?"

"The people who have Kingsley. They've been following us this whole time because we've been going in circles for the past hour."

George frowned, "I knew that tree looked familiar!" He exclaimed, causing everyone to start chattering and bickering like there was no tomorrow. Mad-Eye was accusing Sirius of sabotaging this entire trip, while everyone else was taking sides and fighting. I had heard enough voices fighting inside of my own head, due to my recent diagnosis of schizophrenia. I especially didn't need everyone I love fighting right in front of me.

"SHUT UP YOU PRATS!"

To my surprise, everyone stopped.

"Bickering isn't going to get us _anywhere!_ Do you understand me?!"

Everyone looked at me like they usually looked at Moody.

"Yes."

"Good," I started, surprised that I would be in this position right now. "Because we don't have time for all of that when we need to turn back and find the people following us. There is a huge chance they have Kingsley, and if we surprise them, we might have a better chance of actually getting him back! Do you understand?" I asked again firmly.

Everyone exchanged glances, then nodded.

"Yes."

"Let's go."

I have to admit, it felt really nice to be in control for once. I turned away from them and started quickly walking into the trees, hoping they would follow.

They did.

I heard their footsteps behind me as I pushed through the tree branches that were in my face. There was no whispers, no talking, no anything. I have to say, I kind of liked it. It made me feel…powerful. I had never felt that emotion before.

_So this is what it was like to be Mad-Eye._

"This way."

My own thoughts were distracting me as I led the pack deeper into the forest. I didn't even remember what I was thinking, but the next thing I knew, Harry had grabbed my arm and was pulling me back. "There they are Tonks." He whispered, nodding towards the clearing in the forest. Everyone else had stopped too, watching the werewolf men pace around.

"You were right. I cannot believe you were right."

Sirius was grinning as he said it, so I gave him a grin back. "Told you…now all we have to do is get Kingsley back." I said with worry in my voice. "How do you plan to do that? He's surrounded by them!" Mad-Eye said negatively. Shooting him a glare, I averted my attention back to Kingsley, who was in the middle of the hairy men. "Any ideas?" I asked, turning back to my group.

"Well, there's always just attacking them."

"George, I like the way you think. Sirius and Moody, you two go on the other side. Harry, Hermione and Ron, you guys go to the left. The rest just spread out along this side."

Mad-Eye apparently didn't agree with the plan.

"So we're just going to attack them? That's your big plan?"

I smiled at him and took out my wand.

"Yes."

He growled something and walked away with Remus. I glanced back over at Kingsley, and took a deep breath. Someone brushed against my arm, causing me to jump a little. "Mind if I stay on your side?" Remus asked, giving me a confident smile. I rolled my eyes and shrugged, "Only if you're good with a wand." I joked back. Remus chuckled and leaned down beside me, watching the men talk about something. I heard something about Kingsley, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

"So…what was with your little stunt back there?"

I looked at Remus confused.

"What stunt?"

"When you screamed at everyone. Was that your anger speaking or was it you?"

Not only did I have no idea what he was talking about, but I had no idea that we had been discovered. It wasn't until I heard Sirius voice yell that I snapped out of my trance.

"NOW!"

We jumped out of the shadows and attacked.

I went for the main guy standing right in front of Kingsley.

"Stupefy!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

_Well, I can see how this is gunna go._

I dodged his curse and sent another flying as soon as the last letter left his lips. Kingsley had a surprised look on his face, but I didn't blame him. The hairy man dodged it and started running towards me. Apparently he wasn't very skilled with his wand, so he used his body instead. Not exactly the brightest idea.

"Reducto!"

His body went flying backwards right into a tree. I ran towards Kingsley, seeing that he was bleeding, asked if he was okay. "Kingsley, are you alright?" I asked as I unbound him. He grinned at me, "Never been better! But you know, I had a plan too." He replied. I rolled my eyes and untied his hands and handed him his wand.

"Nice to see you too bud."

A curse whizzed past my ear and I pushed Kingsley away from me.

"Go find Mad-Eye, he'll get you out of here!"

I ran away from him and dodged more spells as I made my way towards Remus. I was going to tell him to aboard the mission, since Kingsley could take care of himself now, and go back home. The kids were already finishing off their competitors, but I didn't think Remus knew we had gotten Kingsley. It was strange to see Remus losing a fight.

He was lying on the ground in pain as the other werewolf stood a few feet away, both his wands in hand. He raised his wand up and pointed it towards him. _Get up Remus, get up!_

Why isn't he getting up?!

Knowing I couldn't let the love of my life die, I raced towards the scene and jumped right as he said the spell.

"No!"

Remus's cries were heard as the spell hit me right square in the chest. I closed my eyes, feeling my head start to pound and my body start to shake uncontrollably. My chest burned like a firework was going off inside my body, but I couldn't feel my arms, so I couldn't grab it in pain. I dared to open my eyes to see if the man had killed Remus, but in my luck, I couldn't see anything but black dots. I could see things happening around me, but it was like the middle was cut out.

"Tonks! Tonks can you hear me?!"

Remus's calm and cool voice made the pain go away. It was almost like the medicine I took when I had a seizer a few weeks ago. As soon as it hit my tongue, I felt relieved. That was what Remus's voice was like to me: a drug. A drug that you loved so much because it helped you get through the hard times. That's what he is like.

A soft hand was placed on my cheek and I felt Remus talk more.

"Tonks…please no. Don't close your eyes Tonks…"

Something sent a spark inside my pounding body. A perfect pair of lips was placed onto mine as I started to fade from the world. It kind of a pure, gentle feeling that overwhelmed me. I can't explain it better than that. Well, actually I could, if I wasn't seeing black dots all over.

"Tonks…no…"


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25-R-e-j-e-c-t-e-d**

**Remus P.O.V**

"She's awake Remus."

I shot out of my chair and started walking towards Tonks' door. We had taken her to the hospital as soon as we had secured the area. All the werewolves were killed in the battle. Some resisted arrest afterwards, and when they attacked us, we had no choice but to kill them. Not only was I one of the only werewolves left in the Wizarding World, the girl I had fallen in love with was in the hospital.

"She's in pretty bad shape, so just be cautious."

I ignored the doctor's warning and rushed inside the room, where Tonks was lying on a hospital bed. To be honest, she looked awful; her hair had dirty leaves knotted in it, her face was almost as white as a ghost, and her body just looked…weak. It killed me inside to see her so fragile. But what could I do about it?

I sat beside the white bed, watching Tonks breathe. She didn't look like she was in good shape, by the unevenness of her breaths. I put my head between my hands, my thoughts swirling around in my brain. _She's like this because of you, _I scolded myself. None of this would have happened if I wouldn't have told her I loved her! Then maybe she would have stayed home with Luna or something.

In the back of my mind, I knew she still would have gone, but I tried not to think of that.

"Tonks? Can you hear me?"

It lifted my heart up when Tonks fluttered her eyes open.

"Remus? What…what happened?"

"You got hit by a spell…don't worry, you're going to be okay. The doctor took real good care of you."

Tonks frowned and looked around the room, "I'm at St. Mungo's? Well that explains the terrible smell." She groaned, causing me to chuckle a little. Even in her weakest state, she still managed to joke around. I took her hand in mine and gave her a warm smile. "It's good to have you back Tonks." I replied, looking at her pale, but beautiful face.

Tonks looked confused.

I drew back my hand, a worried feeling growing inside of me.

"What's wrong Tonks?"

She stared at me for a long time before answering.

"I want to be with you Remus."

"What?"

"I'm in love with you Remus."

I stared at her lips as those words flushed out of her mouth. Tonks…was in love with me?! I thought excitedly, my heart soaring. The good feeling went away almost instantly when I realized this could never work. I was a werewolf for goodness sake! I could hurt or kill her if we were together! It doesn't matter how much I love or care for her…our relationship would be toxic.

Tonks was smiling at me.

It was slowly breaking me.

"Tonks…I want to be with you too…but we can't. We can't do this."

The sad expression on her face crushed my heart.

"What? Why not? We're in love Remus…you can't ignore that."

I stood up, getting serious. Of course this was going to hurt her more than it would hurt me, I knew, but it had to be done. I could never be happy. I could not allow myself to put her life in danger. She was too important to me. "Tonks…I am in love with you-unconditionally-but this…it can't work. I'm too old and dangerous for you. I am sorry." I said, looking away from her.

The silence that followed killed me.

It must have lasted at least five minutes.

"I don't care if you're dangerous Remus. I know you won't hurt me."

"You don't know that Tonks! I have no control over my actions when I'm a werewolf!"

"I don't care Remus!"

I turned away, running my hand through my aging hair. Did she not understand this? How dangerous and unpredictable I could be?! Either she didn't understand that or she really _didn't _care. She was so confusing sometimes. "Tonks…I will not deny that I have fallen in love with you over these past few months…but I'm afraid I also cannot deny that I am not right for you." I replied, glancing over at her now angry face.

"So was this your plan all along? To lead me on and then just throw me under the bus?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Whatever. Just get out Remus."

"Tonks-"

"Get out!"

I stared at Tonks for a moment, knowing that I was about to walk away from everything I had ever wanted.

"Okay Tonks. I'll see you-"

"No, you won't."

I shut my mouth and walked out of the room.

TONKS P.O.V

Well wasn't this just a great day?

As soon as Remus walked out of the room, I sat up and started to get dressed. Pain shot through my entire body, nearly making me collapse, but I managed to stay on my feet. I pulled on my jeans and leather jacket, hoping no nurse would come in. I had to get out of here as fast as I could. Hospitals made me want to throw up.

"Miss Tonks?"

I guess I'll have to resort to plan B.

I silently looked into the eyes of the nurse, whispering the spell that put her to sleep instantly. She fell to the floor in a heap, but I didn't have time to feel bad for her. I quickly stepped over her body and whispered an apology before walking out the door. Nurses and doctors were running all over the place, so it wasn't hard for me to make my way through them and to the doors.

But a familiar voice stopped me.

"That sock doesn't even match Frank!"

I stopped dead, right as my hand was about to grab the handle on the door.

I looked around, looking for the source of the voice. Alice Longbottom was sitting in a chair in the furthest part of the room next to the check in desk. Frank Longbottom had a huge pile of non-matching socks in front of him. He had a red striped one and a green spotted one in his hands, holding them up to his wife. "They do too Alice!" He replied, laughing crazily.

I would have smiled at his laugh, but I didn't feel it was appropriate to, since the only reason he was laughing about this was because he had been tortured to insanity. Very slowly, I walked towards their seats in the back of the room. They didn't seem alarmed by my approach, they just simply continued going on with their sock business.

I took a seat on the floor beside them.

"Those are really cool socks."

Alice gave me a bright smile, "Why thank you dear!" she exclaimed happily, handing me the socks. "You can keep them!" she added. I smiled warmly at her and tucked the socks in my pocket. "Thank you! That's very kind of you." I replied, watching Frank glance up at me curiously. Alice went back to finding new pairs of socks, but Frank continued to look at me.

"You're that girl, aren't you?"

"Which girl do you mean?"

"The one that can change her hair to different colors?"

I had no idea how Frank knew who I was, but surprisingly, I didn't find it creepy. "I am that girl! Would you like to see?" I asked him. He looked nervously at Alice, who nodded excitedly. "Yes, yes, yes!" she said happily. I turned my hair bright blue, and Frank immediately started clapping excitedly. "Oh, how magical!" He cheered, throwing his socks down. It made me feel really warm inside, knowing that I made them both smile.

Another familiar voice caused me to panic though.

"Hello again Neville!"

"Hello Boppy. This is my girlfriend Luna."

"Hello Luna! Will you be visiting them too?"

"Yes."

I turned back to Frank and Alice, trying to look calm.

"Okay guys, I got to go, but I'll come back to visit you another time, alright?"

"Okay."

I jumped behind an old lady's chair, hiding as Neville and Luna approached his Neville's parents. The old woman turned around and scowled at me. "This isn't a hiding spot. Go bug someone else!" I frowned at her and crawled away towards the door. I managed to make it outside without Luna or Neville seeing me.

As the cold snow hit my face, I wished I hadn't left.

It wasn't nice snow either; it was coming down in a blizzard, and boy was it cold. I put my hood up and started quickly walking away from the scene, hoping I would find somewhere to go before I froze to death. Although at the moment, I really wouldn't mind that.

~Some time later…~

I knocked on the door of Luna's house.

Her father opened the door curiously, "Hello…how may I help you?"

"Hello Mr. Lovegood…is Luna here?"

I knew she wasn't, but I didn't want to seem rude by just letting myself in because I knew her. "No, I'm afraid she isn't, but she should be along soon. Would you like to wait inside?" he asked kindly. I smiled and nodded, "Thank you." As I stepped inside the warm house, I couldn't help but grin.

It was exactly like I pictured Luna's house to be like.

There was plants and pictures of odd creatures everywhere. Books were scattered around the entire living room, while all the desks and tables were covered by maps. It smelt like bread with a mixture of tea and coffee. I loved this place already.

Mr. Lovegood shoved the maps off the table and pushed the books off the couch, motioning for me to sit down. "Would you like some tea and cookies while we wait?" he asked. "I would love some, thank you." I replied. He walked out of the room and I took the chance to investigate. Not creepily, but I was just extremely interested to see what kind of stuff the Lovegood's read.

The first book was about Mandrakes and other dangerous plants. It was marked on some page about how Devil Snare can kill you from the inside out if you get infected with it somehow. _Nice to know, _I thought, keeping it in the back of my mind. That could come in handy someday. One of the maps he had on the floor had a bunch of red marks on it. I lifted it up to see a path he had created on it. It appeared to be leading to something by a swamp.

Mr. Lovegood came back in with a plate of cookies and a cup of tea.

"I see you found my map!"

"If you don't mind me asking, what are you trying to find?"

He gave me mysterious smile as he set the plate down. "Promise to keep it a secret?" he asked. I smiled and nodded, "I promise. It's not like I have anyone to tell anyways." I joked, making him smile. Mr. Lovegood picked up the map, pointing to where the red marks end. "Underneath this swamp is a very rare material. It's a kind of plant that can sell for a lot of money these days." He informed me.

"You don't look like the kind of guy who would sell something so special for money."

He smiled again, "You're right there my dear! No…I would like to study the plant. I have no use for the money anyways! Studying how it works…that is why I want it." I took a bite of the cookie as he stared at the map longingly. "Luna and I are going to find it this summer." Mr. Lovegood added, setting the map down.

"That sounds fun."

He looked at me curiously, "Would you like to come?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Me?"

"Yes you! Luna tells me a great deal about you. You sound like a terrific, smart young lady and I want you to come along. It will only take a few days…not a very long trip. If you don't want to I understand."

Thinking of Remus, I gave him a smile.

"I would love to come with!"

His face brightened up and he bolted up out of his seat.

"Magnificent! I'll go see what supplies I need to get you!"

He ran out of the room before I could say anything else.

I chuckled and took a sip of the warm tea. It was a lot better than anything else I had ever tasted. I suspected it was a homemade recipe, made from some type of plant. The door opened and voices flooded the house.

"I'm sure she's fine Luna."

Neville and Luna came into the living room, stopping when they saw me sitting there.

"Wotcher guys."

Luna smiled brightly at me and skipped over to me. "We were worried about you! We heard you were hurt but when we got there you weren't there!" She exclaimed, looking me over for any injuries. I took her hands in mine and looked at her seriously, but with a smile on my face. "Don't worry Luna, I'm okay. I just…couldn't stand being in that hospital anymore." I explained. "I walked here because I didn't know where else to go." I added as Neville sat down beside Luna.

"Did you want to talk about something?" 

"Yeah actually. Neville can listen too, if he's in to relationships."

Neville chuckled a little and shrugged, "I guess I can bear through it." he answered, making me laugh. Mr. Lovegood came back into the room happily. "Luna! Guess what? Tonks is coming on the trip this summer!" he exclaimed, dancing around the room. Luna smiled and turned to me, "Really? Are you sure you can take that much time off from work?" she asked curiously.

The thought of work made me cringe.

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. That and…Remus."

"Oh…well I guess we'd better go upstairs and talk about it. Dad is an eavesdropper."

Her father gave a grin and danced back into the kitchen, still singing.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26-True Feelings

Tonks P.O.V

"I don't know what to do guys."

I told Neville and Luna everything. Everything I was feeling, what happened with Remus, everything. I stared at their expressionless faces, hoping one of them would give me some good advice. "I know he likes me back but…he's just so stubborn!" I exclaimed, getting up and pacing around Luna's room. They exchanged glances, then Luna spoke up.

"I think you should keep your distance for a few days Tonks. See if your feelings about him are worth all this fighting."

Luna was probably right. This was the first time I had actually been in love. I didn't have a clue what I was doing! It would be best to sit it out for a while. I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. "You're right Luna. I should just give him space for a few days." I replied, saying what she had already suggested. Neville looked slightly amused by this; he must not understand girls yet.

Luna gave me an encouraging smile as I sat down beside her.

"But…if he really does want to be with you, go to him. Maybe he'll send you a letter or something."

Just as I opened my mouth to reply, something smashed into the window and fell to the ground. "What the bloody hell was that?!" I yelled, running over to the window to see an owl lying on the ground below. Luna and Neville stuck their heads out as well, trying to get a better look at the now motionless owl in the garden.

"Is it dead?"

I shrugged and watched the owl. Whose could it be? I know Ron's was pretty ignorant, so it could possibly be his. But why on Earth would he be sending one of us a message? "Let's go see who it's from," Luna suggested. "Then we can send the body back to them so they can have a funeral." I thought it was a bit strange to have a funeral for an owl, but I've learned not to say this to Luna. She really cared for all kinds of animals, no matter what they looked like or who owned them.

We ran down the stairs and out of the house to the mandrake garden, where the owl was now flopping around in. "He's alive!" I said happily, kneeling down to the animal's aid. "Let's see who sent you…" I trailed off, seeing that the message was addressed to me. Luna and Neville sat down beside me just as I read it out loud.

Nymphadora Tonks

From: Remus John Lupin

Wonderful.

I was just going to avoid him and now he sends me a letter?! This guy really must enjoy ruining my plans. I groaned and ignored the letter, lifting the owl up gently. His wing appeared to be broken; one of the bones was sticking out over the feathers. I guess I should have hid it, because as soon as Neville saw it, he got white and turned away from us.

Luna came to the rescue and whipped out her wand.

She murmured a spell under her breath, and I watched as the bone almost disappeared. The small brown owl seemed to not feel any more pain, because he jumped out of my arms and started fluttering around. I looked at my best friend in awe, "How did you do that Luna?" I asked excitedly, watching she took the letter off his leg and threw him up into the air. He flew away into the cloudy grey sky, vanishing into the oncoming storm cloud.

"Just a little trick I learned."

Neville came back to reality and gave Luna a small smile.

"You're amazing, you know that Luna?"

I couldn't help but smile at these two. They were probably the best couple I had seen in a long time. My thoughts faded from this happy feeling as I looked down at the letter from Remus. What did it say? Was he apologizing for what he said? Did he want to be together? Did he never want to talk to me ever again? Dozens of bad thoughts filled my mind as I stood up, staring at the yellow letter in my shaky hands.

"Open it Tonks!"

Taking a deep breath, I slid my finger under the flap and took the letter out.

Dear Tonks,

I knew you would most likely be at Luna's by the time my mind came around. I would very much like to speak with you alone. Could you come by my apartment at around five? We have some things to discuss. I hope you didn't leave the hospital without getting your medicine. I don't want you to be running around throwing up your insides for the rest of the week. Hope you will join me.

Sincerely,

Remus Lupin

Nervousness filled my head as I looked up at Luna and Neville. "He wants to meet with me. At five." I informed them, handed Luna the letter. "I don't want to talk to him." I added, crossing my arms. My mind was already screwed up enough as it was; I didn't need him lecturing me about how he wasn't good for me.

I mean, what right did he have to tell me what I need?! The only one that could decide that is me. Not him, not Luna, me. Could he not see how I felt about him?! Surely he must…or else he wouldn't have said those things at the hospital. None of this would have happened if he would have just got up when that other werewolf attacked him!

Deep inside, I knew that it wasn't entirely his fault, but I was still mad.

"Go to him Tonks."

"What?"

I turned around to face Luna, wondering if she had gone insane. "You should go talk to him," she repeated, handing me the letter. "He obviously wants to talk to you about what happened. If you leave now you could get there in time." Luna said seriously. I stared at her, not believing what I was hearing. "Seriously? I should go talk to him?" I asked so she could hear how ridiculous that sounded.

"Yes. I want to see you be happy Tonks."

"Well what if this little talk doesn't make me happy? What then?"

"Then you can forget about Remus and find someone else. I'll help you even. Father knows some very available young men at the garden club."

I chuckled at the thought of me dating someone from the garden club.

"If it really makes you happy…I'll go."

"I'll only be happy if it works out between you two, Tonks."

I smiled warmly at Luna's bright eyes and embraced her in a tight hug. "I love you Luna." I said into her ear, hoping one day I could show her how grateful I was for her. Neville was standing awkwardly a few feet away from us, so I held out my other arm and motioned for him to get in here. "You too Neville!" He awkwardly walked into the hug, and I squeezed him in tightly.

After a few more seconds, I let go.

"Well, I guess I'd better go have 'the talk'. Wish me luck."

"Good luck Tonks. Tell us what happened as soon as you can!"

I winked at them, then Apparated to Remus' apartment.

REMUS P.O.V

Why hasn't she come?!

I was starting to freak out now. It was two minutes to five and she still wasn't here yet. Maybe she was done with me; maybe she finally realized she could do better than me and decided not to come. The old part of me hoped this to be true, but there was still a part of me nagging at the thought of her loving me back. I just wished I would have realized this sooner. It might me too late now; just as I realized that I was in love with Tonks, she realized that she could do so much better.

The idea frightened me.

A knock at my door shocked me out of my thoughts.

I ran to the door, hoping to see Tonks standing there. When I ripped the door open, there was no one there. Had I just imagined it? I wondered, shutting the door with a sigh. I hadn't been imagining it. When I turned around, Tonks was standing there in my hallway with her arms crossed. "Wotcher Remus." She greeted me unemotionally.

"I-Uh-Hello Tonks. How are you?"

"Fine I guess. You?"

"I'm well."

That was a lie; I had spent the last six hours of my life pacing around my living room. "Would you like to sit down?" I asked, walking past her and going into the kitchen. "Sure." She answered blankly, following me to the table. We sat down, sneaking glances at each other a few times. No one spoke for a while, but then Tonks cleared her throat.

"Was that Ron's owl you sent?"

"Yes it was. I borrowed it."

"That makes sense. He hit the window and broke his wing."

I chuckled and shook my head; that owl had a mind of his own. "He did warn me it was a little dim witted." I replied, taking a sip from my tea cup. I could smell her strawberry hair scent all the way from over here. I silently hoped I could fast forward to the end of this little talk. "So…what did you want to talk about?" Tonks asked me, a hint of fear in her voice.

"I think you know."

"I do know but I just don't know what you want to say about it."

I bit my lip and looked away from her gaze. How did I explain something I didn't even understand myself? Taking a deep breath, I tried to get my words together. "I…I was thinking about everything Tonks. Us, mostly. I must admit that I do feel something for you. But it is my fear that someday, if we were together, that you would be terribly injured. This would be the result of my…condition." I started out, not looking at her.

"I don't-"

I held up a hand to stop her.

"But I do Tonks. You don't understand how…torn I would be if that happened. Yes I am in love with you Tonks, I admit it! But I'm afraid love can't stop the way my mind thinks once a month. Eventually something bad would happen." I finished, looking up to see her expression. I couldn't quite make it out, but it was something mixed with anger.

"I must ask you to leave now. From now on, there will be nothing between us but friendship."

I stood up and so did Tonks. I was surprised she wasn't saying anything, because usually Tonks is a very outspoken person. But she didn't say one word as we walked towards the door. My heart was breaking with every step, but there was nothing I could do about it. This had to be done, no matter what my feelings were.

We stopped by the door, and as soon as I looked into her eyes, I gave up.

I leaned forward and laid my lips on hers.

**Cannot wait for Teen Wolf to come back in June. Too long of a wait to see Dylan O'brien's beautiful face in action again! **


End file.
